


Crash & Burn

by TwiStar_Junkie



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-12
Updated: 2012-08-12
Packaged: 2017-11-11 23:34:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 55,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwiStar_Junkie/pseuds/TwiStar_Junkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After suffering through the death of a loved one, Bella Swan packs up her things and moves back to Forks, needing a change of scenery. A few weeks after settling in, she reconnects with Alice and Emmett Cullen. Life really starts to look up, but something is still missing. More like someone, and Bella just can’t let it go.</p>
<p>Edward Cullen has become the black sheep of his family. Living a life plagued by drug addiction and violence, he is now a walking shell of the highly educated and accomplished man he was three years before. His own family has turned against him and would rather have nothing to do with him. With no one to turn to, no one to care whether he lives to see another day, Edward is utterly alone.</p>
<p>Until Bella Swan turns up at his doorstep.</p>
<p>Will she be able to break down the walls he’s built around himself? After being burned by everyone he’s ever trusted, will he allow Bella in or keep her at arms length?</p>
<p>And more importantly, can Bella restore hope and love in the life of a man who’s completely given up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Prologue

 

My palm was sweaty and my knuckles were white as I gripped my cell phone in my hand, pulling at my hair with the other.

Why the fuck isn’t he answering his damn phone?

Have the symptoms already taken over? Has he finally reached his breaking point?

I listened as the ringing droned on in my ear, going straight to voicemail each time. I’d already left countless messages, and I needed a new tactic. I had to get to him; he shouldn’t be alone at a time like this. I remembered all too well how it was for me when I’d gone through the same hell, and I would never have wished that upon anyone. 

My stomach clenched and my heart dropped as the tears that had built in my eyes began to fall. I would never forgive myself–or them–if something happened before I could reach him. I had one last option, and as desperately as I didn’t want to use it, I had no other choice. I hurriedly dialed the number into my phone and prayed that they’d pick up. 

“Calling to bitch me out more, Bells?”

“Cut the shit, Emmett. I need to know where the fucking spare key is.”

“Oh, what’s the matter? My wonderful brother shutting you out now?”

Just the sound of his obnoxious, hateful voice made my blood boil. “I swear to God, one day you’re going to regret everything you’ve done and said about him, and you’ll be begging him for forgiveness. And to answer your question, no, he’s not shutting me out. He wouldn’t do that, not to me. Something’s wrong, and if I don’t get to him I’m going to lose my fucking mind,” I sobbed, my voice panicked and stomach sick. 

There was a long pause of silence before the dick spoke again. “I don’t know why you care so damn much about him. Why the fuck are you defending him all the time, knowing what he’s done to this family?”

“God dammit, Emmett! I don’t have time for your bullshit! Do you know where the spare key is or not?!” I shouted into the phone, having had enough.

“I have the key, Bella, but I don’t think you should go alone. If he’s under the influence…”

“I am going alone, Emmett. None of you fucking deserve to be anywhere near him, and besides, I know how to handle him if he is; I’ve fucking been where he is right now. And he won’t hurt me; he has more control than any of you give him credit for, and that’s not the kind of person he is. Anyway, I’m on my way. When I get there, you’ll give me the key and let me go. I don’t want any shit.”

Without giving him a chance to say anything back, I snapped my phone shut and grabbed my keys from the bar before racing outside to my car. 

As I sped toward Emmett and Rose’s, I continuously dialed his number, hoping to God that he would answer.

But he never did. 

Each time I heard his soft voice through his voice mail, my tears fell harder and the fear settled deep in my stomach, eventually rising to my throat. 

When I pulled up to their house, I jumped out and found Emmett waiting on his front porch, arms crossed over his chest. “Why didn’t you ever mention that you were an addict?”

I wanted to fucking hit him. I’d had my quota of Emmett’s stupid questions and the concerned faces of the rest of the Cullen clan; I couldn’t stand anymore. “Do you really think that I would volunteer that information after seeing how you’ve treated him because of his addiction? None of you have given him the fucking time of day. None of you have even tried to understand what he’s going through, and I know for a fucking fact that none of you ever asked for his side of the story about what happened two years ago. So back the FUCK off,” I spat at him as I snatched the key from his hand and ran back to my car.

 

The rain pelted against my windshield as I pushed my old Ford pickup at a furious pace through Forks. It felt like I was in a race against time. I had to reach him before he gave in and had another fix. The angry words his family had spewed at him over dinner could have very easily ruined all the progress he’d made in the past day or so. It had been his decision to try and get clean, but that was when he assumed he’d have their support. The withdrawal symptoms had already begun to set in before dinner, and I was fairly certain without seeing him that they had multiplied in intensity since his abrupt departure from his parents’ house. 

Nearly forty-five minutes had passed before I finally pulled into his drive. All the lights were out, but my heart faltered at seeing his Volvo haphazardly parked. At least I knew he was here. I jumped out of my pick-up, grabbing my purse and the key Emmett had given me. 

My body was one big ball of nerves as I approached the front door, not knowing what to expect. I pounded my fists against the door, screaming his name. Getting no response, I took in a deep breath, entered the key into the lock and felt my heart freeze, not sure what I would find on the other side of the door. 

I very slowly eased the door open, and opened my eyes to his darkened entryway. There wasn’t a sound to be heard and that alone frightened me. I kept walking, cautiously looking over my shoulder and around every corner so as not to startle him when I found him. The soles of my shoes squeaked against the smooth marble tiles of the floor as I stepped into the kitchen. I had yet to see anything out of the ordinary. My heart was beating at a fast pace, and I could feel my body trembling with nerves as the adrenaline coursed through my body. 

After finding nothing in the kitchen, I made my way into the living room and as I rounded the side of the couch, my heart slammed into my throat. There, on the floor next to his crumpled body, was his 9mm. His hair, skin, and shirt were completely saturated in a cold sweat, and he was breathing unevenly. I ran to the edge of his coffee table, falling to my knees beside him. But as I focused on the weapon beside him, there was a sickening feeling growing in my stomach. What had he been about to do with that gun? 

I was brought out of my panicked thoughts as his muscles spasmed violently, causing him to let out an anguished cry and curl up into a fetal position. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and hooked my arms under his armpits, pulling him with all my might into my lap. He groaned and started to weakly fight against me until I placed my lips against his dampened forehead and ran a hand through his hair.

“Shh, Edward…I’m here,” I cried. “You’re going to be okay.”

“B-Bella, you s-shouldn’t b-be here. Y-you d-don’t need to see m-me like th-this,” he stuttered with a strained voice that sounded alien to the velvety softness I was used to hearing. 

“I’m not leaving you, dammit,” I told him, clutching him tightly to me. I felt him fist his hands in my shirt and struggle to pull himself closer. I watched as his eyes fluttered open, bloodshot and glazed with the excruciating pain he was under as he looked at me.

Tears fell heavily down his cheeks as he struggled to swallow, his eyes pleading with me. “Help me, please,” he cried out hoarsely. 

“I will, I promise,” I whispered, brushing a few strands of damp hair from his forehead. “I need to know, Edward…what were you doing with that gun?”


	2. Chapter 1

BPOV

 

“Bells, are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” Charlie hollered at me from across the house.

I ignored his question. There was no need for asking, as he knew better than anybody why I was moving the fuck out of this town. Charlie was my father and Chief of Police of Lake Arthur, Louisiana, a small town of just less than three thousand people. There were no secrets in this town; you couldn’t so much as break wind without everybody and their grandmother hearing about it. And I’m not exaggerating-just ask Old Man Waylon why his old lady forced him to touch up all the paint on their white picket fence.

Let’s save Old Man Waylon and his tale for later and move on with my oh-so-interesting life.

Right, I need a fucking drink.

Again, moving on!

After graduating from high school, I began working as Charlie’s assistant at the police station, even though it wasn’t common for someone in his position to have one. I helped him with his paperwork and handled all of his personal phone calls. I also rode with him on a few minor house calls. I’ll just put it out there in simple terms; I was his fucking secretary. Dammit, he was lazy as hell, okay? He only had me handling those things so that he could plop his ass on the couch and watch sports. The job paid me some, but not enough, which was why I also worked at Cowboys, a popular bar an hour away in Lake Charles. I worked to pay my way through my culinary classes at McNeese University, also in Lake Charles. Outside of Charlie, Billy, and Jake, I didn’t really have any other friends, so naturally rather than staying in the dorms on campus, I traveled early in the morning to my classes and drove back home to Lake Arthur at nearly three every morning once my shift at Cowboys had ended. My life literally fucking sucked for a good four years. I ran on little to no sleep. But it paid off as I eventually opened my own bakery in the town square.

Anyway, most of the locals had lived here all their lives. Charlie and I, on the other hand, hadn’t...obviously. We moved here from Forks, Washington after Charlie was offered a position by his friend, Billy Black. He and my bat shit crazy mother, Renee, had just divorced a few months prior. After having reached wits’ end with her and her gold-digging ways, we packed up shop and left. Granted, we’d lived here for the past fifteen years, but that didn’t mean that I liked it any more than I did when we first arrived. 

Okay, so that’s not true. I loved it here. I loved the food, the people were genuinely nice, and Lord, the parties around here were insane. Let me tell you, there’s nothing like a couple of Cajuns drunk off their asses. Give ‘em a few beers, turn on the zydeco music and watch the fun begin! But the thing I loved most here was the land. Yeah, imagine the look on Charlie’s face when I told him that I found solitude while I fished off of the Lacassine Reservoir. He’d looked at me both with pride and confusion, like I’d grown a second head. Something about it was just calming for me; don’t judge me. I could spend forever outdoors, which was one reason why I was going to fucking miss this hell hole so much.

What made me start referring to it as a hell hole you ask? Well, that all started two years ago when Billy’s son, Jacob, and I began dating. Everything started out great, but I quickly learned about the secret life Jake led behind his father’s back. A life that even I wasn’t privy to through our fifteen years of knowing one another, but once I was introduced, it wasn’t long before I wished I’d never met him. Our relationship was sick, twisted, and completely unhealthy. Sure, I’d loved him at one point, but as with everything else in my life, it went to shit quickly. The only problem was that this time, I got sucked into the dark side of things and nearly lost my fucking life in the process. 

See, it turned out that Jake was the go-to drug dealer in Jeff Davis Parish. There wasn’t anything out there that he didn’t have access to, and his father being on with the police department didn’t hurt; if anything, it made it easier for him. Most of what he sold, he managed to steal from the evidence room. The bad part was that Jake had become a genius at forging evidence, pinning it to another unsuspecting local, or sometimes, one of the police department’s own. I had never felt right about any of what I had done while I was with Jake, but I was too afraid of what would happen to me if we ever went our separate ways. That, and I loved him too much. Or at least, I thought I did.

I went from being daddy’s little girl and owning a successful bakery on Main Street to being a full-fledged drug addict. I’d made the mistake of trying heroin one night after Jake had promised me that he’d never make me do it again. At the time, I was so in love with him, he could have asked me to jump off of a fucking bridge and I’d have probably done it. Within a month’s time, I needed a fix of heroin at least three times a day. I hated myself during that time of my life. I lost my bakery due to my irresponsible handling of the finances. I had begun dipping into the account I’d set up for my bakery to pay for my drugs. One would think that being the girlfriend of a drug lord would entitle me to certain privileges...Fuck no, not with Jake.

I’d literally thrown my dream away for a thirty minute high. I was nearly unrecognizable. My normal weight of a hundred and fifteen pounds dropped to a startling ninety pounds. My face hollowed out and literally looked skeletal, as did the rest of my body. My skin, which had always been healthy, became splotchy and marred with blemishes, and my teeth began to suffer. Thankfully, I’d managed to get myself off of the drug before my teeth began breaking from the effects of the drug use and I was able to get what problems I did have fixed. I knew that I’d fucked my life over and all of the dreams I’d ever had. That’s when my feelings for Jake began to dwindle. I knew I couldn’t put all of the blame on him, but he never should have pressured me into trying the drugs, knowing how powerful and highly addicting they were.

In a drug deal gone sour four months ago, Jake was shot to death in the old warehouse out past the boardwalk where he had conducted most of his dealings. All of his boys that usually did the dirty work for him–Sam, Quil, Embry, and Paul–had turned against him in favor of the new buyer, Laurent Plaxton. I’d never met the man, but I’d heard of him from Charlie. Apparently, they’d been searching for the guy for a while. Laurent didn’t know about me, at least as far as we knew he didn’t, but Jake’s guys did and that left a horrible feeling in my gut. I never got along with Paul, as he was one of the world’s biggest assholes. He was a womanizer and a beater. I saw many battered women leave him. I never turned him in because had I have done that I knew Jake and the boys would have nailed me to the wall. I also made the mistake of confronting Paul once. I told him that I knew he was gunning to take over Jake’s position in the drug ring around Jeff Davis Parish. Of course, he ran and told Jake about it. Needless to say, Jake reamed me for a good couple of hours about my ridiculous accusations. Those accusations turned out not to be so ridiculous after all. From what I heard, Paul was now Laurent’s right hand man. 

Charlie put me up in a safe house for a while, but the nightmares and grief over Jake’s death were too much. I became so paranoid that I stole one of the guns from Charlie’s gun safe at home just so I would have something to protect myself, should anything happen. I wasn’t sleeping, and, when it came to Charlie’s attention that I was going through withdrawals from heroin, he sent me off to a rehabilitation center in Los Angeles. It had taken me a little over two months to get myself back to a place where I felt I could move on with my life, leaving Jake and the hell he had brought to it behind me. Getting clean was a long, hard process, but I was happier than I’d been in years. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that two months was all it would take before I’d be able to leave my addiction behind forever. Every day was a struggle. The urge to fall back and relapse would always be there, only now I knew how to fight the urges off and had ways of distracting myself from such thoughts when they surfaced: such as playing the guitar and sketching. I’d dabbled at painting for a while, but after realizing my artwork was the equivalent to that of a three year old child, I gave it up. 

A lot of Charlie’s skepticism regarding my picking up and leaving for Forks revolved around my addiction. He feared that I would get caught up in the wrong crowd back in Washington, that I would relapse. I tried to reassure him and told him countless times that he could come and visit me whenever he wanted and that I would call him regularly to check in. I was sure that no matter how much I tried to convince him, he wouldn’t believe me, and honestly, I didn’t blame him. In fact, I understood it.

My main reason for leaving and the reason Lake Arthur now represented something evil in my life was because no matter where I looked, I was faced with memories of Jake. Recollections regarding town gossip about what I was seen doing last and with whom. And most of all, I saw how badly I’d screwed up my life. Thanks to Charlie and the amazing people out in Los Angeles, I’d gotten my life back, and I had more determination than ever not to lose my way again.

“Ignoring me now, huh?” Charlie questioned as I turned to see him leaning against my door frame. His arms were folded across his chest. His mustache made the frown on his lips that much more intimidating as his stern brown eyes zeroed in on me; I knew the look he was giving me as I’d grown up learning it well. Charlie was disappointed in me.

“I just don’t want to keep having the same conversation, Dad. That’s all,” I sighed, setting the handful of things I was packing away down on the bed. “I need to get away from here. There’s nothing here for me but bad memories.”

“What about the fishing? The cooking festivals? Bells, there’s loads of stuff you used to love around here.”

“I never said there wasn’t! But what kind of life could I possibly lead here? Billy still blames me for Jake’s death, and I can’t even go to damn Tiger Mart without people talking,” I hissed angrily, lifting my hand in the air out of frustration. “The only thing I’m good for around here is dragging your name through the mud, and I won’t do that to you anymore.”

“So, you won’t be coming back?” he questioned, absurdity laced in his tone.

I sighed heavily, already having had my fucking fill of the same conversation with him. Don’t get me wrong, I love Charlie. If it weren’t for him and his guidance regarding my journey with rehabilitation, I’m not sure I would ever have recovered and gotten clean. He had been the best father he knew how to be for me. When he and Renee first split and we moved to Louisiana, things were hard in the beginning. We basically lived paycheck to paycheck, barely scraping by for a few months until his salary from the police department started to build. Charlie put half of his check back in a savings account for the first couple of months so that we would have something to fall back on should a financial crisis ever come about. 

“Of course I’ll come back to visit, Dad. Please, try to remember that I’m not moving away from you. I just…I need to get out of here. Right now, everything is still too fresh, and I need to build a life for myself. I’m twenty-eight years old! I love you, but I can’t live under your roof forever. I need to go out there and make something of myself again. A fresh start, ya know?”

“I guess so. I’m just gonna miss you so much, Bells,” he murmured nearly inaudibly, pulling at my heart. I hated to leave him alone, but I had to do this.

For me.

That night, I made us lasagna with plenty to store away as leftovers for Charlie when I left. The good Lord knew that man couldn’t so much as make a grilled cheese without fucking it up. Would I worry about him while I was gone? Of course I would, but I knew that he’d be okay. Despite how much Billy now hated me, I knew he’d look after Charlie, him along with nearly everyone else in this town. 

As I lay down to go to sleep that night, my mind raced with thoughts of what I wanted to do with my life once I got there. I knew I’d need to scope out the bakeries, and I’d have to look elsewhere if none were hiring. It would be hard to go from having owned my own shop to working at one as an employee under someone else’s watch, but I made my bed, and I was just going to have to suck it up and lie in it. I would save what I could and hopefully one day, I’d be able to open up a shop of my own again. It was probably stupid of me to move without having secured a job first, but that only made me realize how truly desperate I was to get the hell out of here. Thankfully, with what I had saved already, plus Charlie’s help, I would have a few months to find a job and still pay my bills. I’d found a small house between Forks and Port Angeles with the help of an old childhood friend, Alice, whom I’d reconnected with on Facebook. I’d kept in touch with Alice through letters until my junior year of high school. I became too busy and just didn’t have time to keep our correspondence going anymore. About a month after creating my Facebook, Alice found me and the rest was history. Of course, I never would have signed up for the damn thing had Jake and his gang of goons not have pressured. Anyway, I knew the house would need some work, but I was all about fixing it up the way I wanted-giving it a new start, along with myself.

 

C & B

 

The next morning came much too soon with an even earlier start. I woke bright and early at four in the morning to the sound of an obnoxious fucking owl perched outside my bedroom window. After having gone to bed at one, I wasn’t in any mood for morning chit chat, but apparently Charlie thought differently. From the moment I stumbled into the bathroom to wash my face, he’d been up my ass yapping about the temperature and weather conditions in every major city from here to Forks. By the time I’d finished up in the bathroom, made it to the kitchen and sat down with a cup of coffee, he’d moved on to informing me of all the latest developments in each of the cases he was working on down at the station. 

My head was pounding and this was so not how I’d planned on starting my day. I had hoped to at least sleep until eight, regardless of how long of a drive I had ahead of me. It was going to be a two day trip, possibly three depending on how many times I stopped for gas and overnight stays in hotels. There was no way I could pull off a forty-two hour trip in one shot-maybe in my younger days, but definitely not now. I almost wished I had actually taken Alice up on her offer to fly down here and drive back up with me for company. Key word: almost. 

As I tuned Charlie out, I became distracted with my memories from long ago. During the thirteen years we lived in Forks, my life was bliss; well, it was when we weren’t dealing with Renee’s psycho bitch ways. The Cullens were a huge part of my life, and in some ways still were. Carlisle and Esme were old friends of Charlie’s from college, and so, as a result of their strong friendship, Alice and I were basically joined at the hip from birth. Her brothers, Emmett and Edward, were also extremely close to me; so much so that I can remember, back when I was a child, going to the store with Esme and my gang and being mistaken for one of their siblings. 

Alice was like the sister I’d never had, but always wanted, and Emmett…well he was Emmett. He and Edward lived up to the role of older brothers, as they were fiercely protective of Alice and I, always there when we needed them, but were also there to be a big pain in our asses. We were forever finding frogs they’d caught at the creek that ran behind their house in Alice’s bed or my sleepover bag. There was never a visit to their house that went without a prank of some kind being pulled. And holidays…oh my! The four of us stayed in trouble. Emmett had been the bigger, older brother–by two years–and I truly missed him. Hell, I missed them all. Edward…Edward was different. He’d always been much quieter and more reserved than Emmett, regardless of all the times he’d picked on Alice and me. I knew, even back then, that Emmett had put him up to it. In fact, the only time I ever spent with Edward was when Alice and Emmett were around because when it was just us, he’d lock himself in his room.

Until everything in my life began to change.

When I turned eleven, things between Charlie and Renee had begun to get bad, and I basically lived at Carlisle and Esme’s. I had overheard a conversation between my dad and Carlisle when he’d dropped me off to spend the weekend. Of course I was too young to understand what any of it meant back then, but long story short, Renee had been having an affair for a few years with Mr. Newton. Just thinking about it now sent bile to my throat because, even though I didn’t actually know Mr. Newton all that well, I could remember his son, Mike, and all the hell he’d caused Alice and I at school-that is until Emmett and Edward scared him off. 

Once Charlie left that night and everyone went to bed, I went into the home library to cry. I could remember feeling confused and not understanding what was going on with my parents. I was scared. Edward had gotten up for a drink of water and, from the way he told it, heard noises coming from the library. He found me there that night, and even at the young age of eleven, had held me while I cried. He tried to comfort me, and it worked for the most part, but nothing could put a stop to the turmoil that my parents’ fighting had created within me. After that, we’d become a little closer, and Edward started to open up to me a bit more. In fact, we had even pulled a few pranks on Emmett.

When the news came that Charlie and Renee were divorcing and that I would be moving away, I was devastated. I literally had to say goodbye to the only family I’d ever known, and the Cullens were equally upset. Alice and I had cried in Esme’s lap for hours the day I left. Charlie had allowed me to stay overnight the night before while he and a few of the guys from the police station in Forks packed and loaded all of our belongings into the U-Haul. He didn’t want to rip me away from them, but looking back, I can say that now I understood his motives then; I was doing the same thing now. Edward and Emmett hadn’t really said much until the dreadful moment of me leaving was upon us. Emmett had hugged me tightly, telling me that I’d always be his little sister, which had only made me cry more. Alice was so inconsolable that Carlisle had to take her back into the house to keep from making it any harder. 

Edward had stood before me, kicking at the gravel in the driveway with his hands tucked in his pockets. I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t look at me or why he wouldn’t so much as utter a simple goodbye, so to say he’d hurt my feelings was a huge understatement. As I glanced at Charlie, still rambling on about who knows what, I laughed a little at myself, remembering vividly how I had stamped my foot and ran back to the police cruiser to hide from embarrassment at my childish outburst. 

I hadn’t spoken to Emmett or Edward since the day we left Forks. Although I’d kept in touch with Alice, she’d only ever mentioned Emmett when we spoke. Anytime I asked about Edward, she would quickly change the subject, so I wasn’t sure what to think. I didn’t even know if he was still alive. I hated to think that something may have happened to him, but did I even have any right to care anymore? It wasn’t like I had made any attempt through the years to see how he was doing. I supposed that I would find out what happened to Edward soon enough.

“Bells? Isabella Marie, are you even listening to me?” Charlie’s voice boomed, making me wince as my head pounded. 

I shook out of the fog of thoughts I’d been lost in and took a sip of my now cold coffee. “I’m sorry, Dad. I was just thinking.”

“Thinking?” he questioned with an arched brow, disbelievingly. “About what? Or do I even want to know?”

“Just remembering how hard it was leaving all those years ago. When was the last time you talked to Carlisle and Esme?”

Charlie let out a heavy sigh as he leaned back in his chair, lifting his arms above his head and twining his hands behind his head. “Ahhh geez, Bells. I guess the last time I talked to Carlisle was a few months ago. I told him that you were moving back, ya know.”

“Well I would be surprised if he didn’t already know before you told him. Alice is his daughter and, even to this day, can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

“He’s desperate to see you, Bells; Esme is too. I know you’re meeting with Alice at your new place, but have you touched base with Emmett or Edward?”

“Dad, I haven’t heard from either of them since we moved. You…you haven’t told Carlisle about m-me, have you?” I questioned, my headache forgotten only for a moment.

“No. That’s your story to tell, Bells. Does Alice know?”

“No. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell her either,” I told him, shaking my head. The conversation was starting to venture into an area I didn’t want to visit, so I quickly stood and headed back into the kitchen. 

I began washing the few dishes that were in the sink when I felt Charlie come up behind me.

“You know, you have nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, you should be proud of yourself for beating it, Bells.”

“Dad, I know you’re trying to help, and it means a lot to me to know you see it that way, but I just…I can’t talk about it right now. My head hurts, and that damn owl kept me up all damn night. I don’t see why you haven’t shot that bastard yet.”

“Hey, I just might owe that so-called bastard now. I’m sorry your head hurts, but thanks to him waking you up, I was allowed more time with you before you head out.”

“Gee, thanks.” I laughed dryly before heading back upstairs and getting ready for the long day ahead of me.

 

~C & B~

 

By ten o’clock, I was on the road. I had taken my old ’59 pickup in for a complete tune-up yesterday, so I was fairly confident that I’d be able to make it to Forks without a problem. I would be staying with Alice for the first few days while I took some time to furnish my home. I literally had nothing aside from a little kitchenware, clothes, and toiletries. Everything else was left behind at Charlie’s. Once I hit the interstate, I picked up my phone from my purse beside me and dialed Alice.

“Hey, Belly Bells! Are you on the road yet? Did Charlie have a hard time saying goodbye? How’s the traffic?” Alice’s shrill voice screamed on the other end, causing my head to throb, despite the Aleve I’d taken a few hours ago.

“Jesus, Alice! Okay a few things first: one, lose the nickname; it’s Bella. Two, how the hell are you so damn chipper? And three, ask me again…one question at a time! I have a pounding headache.”

“Uh oh, hangover?”

“I wish that were the case, but no. A damn owl decided to perch itself right outside my window last night, and then, Charlie talked my ear off for hours this morning.”

“Was he okay saying goodbye?”

“About as good as he could be. Dad’s never been one for showing a lot of emotion, but he was pretty pitiful.”

“So you’ll be here on Tuesday?”

“That’s the plan. I guess it just depends on the traffic, weather, and how many times I stop. I wish I could just make the trip in one shot, but that would be insane.”

“Bella, if you hadn’t been so stubborn, I’d be driving with you remember?” she reminded me, frustration in her tone.

“Alice, you’re already doing enough. Are you still sure you don’t mind me staying with you for a few days? I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re kidding me, right? I haven’t seen you in fifteen years, girl. If Jazz has a problem with it, which he won’t, then he can go stay with Emmett.”

Jazz was Jasper, Alice’s boyfriend of two years. They’d moved in together about six months ago, and all I knew was that she was head over heels in love with him and that he was a child psychologist.

“Speaking of Emmett, does he know about me moving back?”

“Not quite,” she giggled menacingly.

“Oh hell, Alice, what did you do?” I groaned.

“Nothing! I just told him that I needed him to help me move a friend in this weekend, and being that he lives for that kind of stuff, he agreed. He just has no idea that said friend is you. Emmett is going to freaking flip out, Bella. He’s missed you so much! We both have.”

Both? Now’s as good a time as any.

I took a deep breath after a few seconds of silence. “Will Edward be there?”

“Okay,” she said quietly, which was odd for her. “Bella, I know that you’ve picked up on my evasiveness when the subject of Edward comes up, but I don’t want to explain anything to you on the phone. Just…trust me when I say that things have changed. Edward isn’t Edward anymore, okay? I promise I’ll tell you more later, but no…he won’t be here.”

Edward isn’t Edward anymore? What the fuck does that even mean?!

“He is alive though, right?” I said maybe a little louder than I meant to.

“Oh, my God! Yes! I didn’t realize that I’d led you to believe he wasn’t….I’m sorry. Well, he’s alive in the physical sense I guess. Dammit, I can’t do this on the phone. Listen, don’t stay anywhere too shady overnight. Make sure the hotel is at least a three star, don’t pick up hitchhikers, and keep those damn doors locked at all times. If you need to talk to me, call me…don’t you dare text while driving.”

Did she take a fucking breath in all of that?

“Fuck, Alice! Chill out! How many energy drinks have you had?” I laughed, taking a drink of my Dr. Pepper.

“None.”

Not fucking possible. 

“Coffee?”

“Nope. Nothing but water. Why?”

Oh, dear God! I was going to be staying with the fucking Energizer bunny. Between the owl, Charlie, and now Alice, someone up above was laughing their cheery fucking asses off, and when I found that asshole…it was on!


	3. Chapter 2

BPOV

 

Someone please tell me why the fuck I ever thought enlisting the crack fairy’s help in moving was a good idea.

Seriously!

Who the hell wakes up at five in the morning just to give a wake-up call to someone who didn’t even freaking want it to begin with? 

Alice, apparently. 

I had been driving for twenty hours straight before giving up and stopping in for a night cap at a hotel in Portland, Oregon last night. I made the mistake of texting Alice about where I was. She called this morning and actually had the fucking audacity to bark–well, for her size, yap is more fitting–at me about my supposed poor morning attitude. I don’t think she expected me to bite back. Even Charlie knows I’m not approachable until I’ve had my coffee. Come to think of it, he didn’t think of that the morning I left, either. 

But anyway, aside from everyone setting out to interrupt my sleep, I was back on the road headed for Forks, which was, thankfully, only four hours away. Despite all my griping about Alice, I really was excited to see her…as long as she didn’t break up with Jasper and decide to move in with me once my house was ready. While I knew I would enjoy reconnecting with old friends, that wasn’t what this move was about. It was about finding myself again and making a new life. I needed time to be by myself for a while, to focus on me and no one else.

And as if she fucking knew that I was thinking of having any time alone, my phone started ringing.

“Yes, Alice?”

“Is that any way to answer your phone, Bella?” she snapped.

“Well, excuse me if I’m a little agitated from my lack of sleep!” I bit back, not willing to take any more shit. If she wanted to push, I was damn sure going to push back. “Now, what’s up?”

There a moment of silence before she cleared her throat. Apparently, I’d rendered her speechless, and I wasn’t certain, but I somehow doubted that happened often. “I was just checking to see if you were on the road yet. Bella, I don’t mean to be so pushy about you getting here, really. It’s just that Emmett and I have missed you a lot over the years and, although he doesn’t know about you coming, we can’t wait to see you again.”

“See, there you go again, Alice. Emmett and I. It used to be Emmett, Edward, and Alice. Now all of a sudden, he’s not even worth mentioning anymore?”

“Bella, I told you that we’ll talk about it when you get here,” she growled as I heard the deep tone of a man’s voice in the background. “Jazz, just put it in the car! I’ll meet you there in a minute!” 

“So, you’re not just bossy with me? That’s reassuring,” I quipped dryly, as Alice’s shrill laughter rung out. 

“Sorry, Jazz is being annoying. You’d think by now he’d have learned that doing what I say, and when, is what’s best for us. Arguing just causes friction. Call me if you need directions, m’kay?”

“I won’t, Alice. I’ve got my GPS. I’ll text when I get to Forks.”

“Okay. Toodles!”

As soon as I heard the click from the line going dead, I blared the playlist from my iPod. Who the fuck said toodles anymore? I could already see that we were going to have a love/hate relationship, because there were just too many things that already drove me freaking crazy. Maybe Emmett would end up being the closer friend to me out of the two of them–though I was a bit nervous about meeting his wife, Rosalie. Alice said she could be a real bitch, but that she was good to Emmett and an amazing mother to their two children. It was hard picturing him as a father now, but then again, given how long it’d been since I saw him, I guess it wasn’t all that surprising.

Right as I was getting into the groove of the music, my cursed phone rang again; this time blaring the theme song of the Andy Griffith show, alerting me that it was Charlie.

“Hey, Dad,” I answered as cheerfully as I could.

“Hey, Bells, where are ya?” 

“I’m just leaving Portland and have about another four hours to go.”

“Wow, you’re making good time. What’d you do? Drive straight through?” He laughed, concern lacing his tone.

“Yeah, pretty much. When you have a pint-sized human Chihuahua constantly calling your phone in an unhealthy, obsessive manner, you tend to do stupid things like that. How are you doing?”

“Eh, I guess I’m doing okay. I went up to the diner this morning for breakfast,” he mumbled. I could hear the fatigue in his voice, telling me that he hadn’t slept much and was doing just how I suspected; he was miserable and lost. I vowed that as soon as I got the chance, I’d swallow my pride and call Billy, Jake’s father, and plead with him to check on Charlie and keep him busy. 

Other than the friends I was returning to, Charlie was all I had left. And I knew that if anything were to happen to him, there’d be no saving me from myself. I would let my grief have me, and although I hated to think about it, that would probably be the one thing that could possibly cause me to relapse.

“Dad, you sound tired. Do you at least have plans today?” I sighed as I honked at an idiot that cut me off on the interstate.

“Not really. It’s Sunday, Bells. You know I usually take Sunday to relax before going back to work Monday.”

“What am I going to do with you, huh? Am I going to have to call Ms. Thibodeaux down the road and have her come give you something to do?”

“You wouldn’t,” he stated firmly in a low voice.

“Oh believe me, I would. Get your butt up out of that chair and go fishing, go kill something…hell, take up a cooking class! Anything!”

“A cooking class?” he reiterated flatly. “You want me to sign up for a cooking class? Bells, you’ve seen my toast, right?”

“Which is exactly why a cooking class would help you!”

“Okay, I’m hanging up now. Let me know when you get there, and give those kids a hug from me.”

“Um, should I be jealous, Dad? Even I don’t get many hugs from you, and I’m your daughter!” I said jokingly.

“Kind of like you ripping me apart for not cooking for you while you lived with me, huh?” he shot back smugly.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Dad! I did not rip you a new one! I suggested a cooking class, once, to get you off your hind end while I’m gone! Gah, I’ll call you later, you old fart.”

I hung up my phone, laughing at Charlie’s insanity. I knew he was just joking with me, but still….sometimes his joking could be irritating as hell.

~~~

The closer I drew to Forks, the more I felt the undeniable tears threatening to spill. Though it had been years since I’d been there, and years since I thought of anything related to that place aside from the Cullens, there was so much more I realized I’d missed. And that says a lot, because I was not a girl that cried easily; in fact, it took a lot to bring me to that point. 

I couldn’t exactly narrow it down to one particular thing that was causing me to get so worked up. Whether it was the cloudy skies, the dense forests, or the overall familiarity of being there, something was calling to me...telling me that this was home. I couldn’t explain that feeling, and honestly, I didn’t fucking like it. While that may confuse some, I didn’t like the idea that I was already warming up to the place so much. I used to be the kind of girl that put my heart into something right away, and being with Jake had taught me to learn from that. So, I was moving to Forks with walls it had taken me months to build around my heart, and already, they felt as though they were weakening from just getting close to the fucking town? I think not! 

I shook the warm, fuzzy-as-shit thoughts that were begging to be recognized from my head and focused back on the road, blaring Muse as I drove along. 

And again, as if she freaking knew, crack fairy called…again!

I swear that I was dangerously close to strangling the damn fairy the minute I saw her rather than hugging her!

“Yeah?” I chimed, faking my cheerfulness as I turned down the volume on the radio.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I’ve avoided stopping as much as possible. Why?”

“Because Emmett just showed up to the house with his monster barbecue grill.” Alice bitched. 

“Okay, Alice, I thought you said he didn’t know who he was helping?”

I was really having trouble seeing why the fact that he’d brought his grill angered her so much. Hell, burgers, or whatever it was he decided to cook, would be perfectly fine with me. I was raging hungry, but there was no way I was going to pull off the interstate for a bite to eat.

“He doesn’t know! The doofus brought it because he’s hungry and wants barbecue. Anyway, just don’t stop and get anything because there will be plenty. I’ve already called Mom and Dad, too. They, of course, know you’re coming, but I swore them to secrecy from Emmett.”

Need I point out how she once again excluded someone? I had no right to judge, as I’d been gone for fifteen years, but family meant everything to me, and knowing that this was going on kind of pissed me off. I wasn’t necessarily mad at Alice…just at the whole situation. Until it was explained to me, I was going to drive myself crazy thinking up all kinds of different scenarios that could have caused the rift between Alice and Edward.

“Carlisle and Esme? Alice, I don’t want them to have to help move me!” I groaned in frustration. She knew damn good and well that it was supposed to just be her, Jasper, and Emmett. I just wanted it to be our old crew for old time’s sake. Having Carlisle and Esme help made me feel horrible. I’m not really sure why that was either. 

“Nonsense, Bella,” she told me in a firm voice. “We’re just moving the boxes and furniture in, and then we’ll eat and head back to my place. Tomorrow is when we’ll start unpacking your stuff, and I assure you, the ‘rents won’t be there, okay?”

“Okay, listen here; if you think that you’re going to run the show once I get there, you’ve got another thing coming, twinkle toes. I will wake up when I decide. Are we clear?”

“Oh my. We’re really going to have to fix this bitter attitude of yours, Bella. You’d think that with all I’ve done to help you, you’d show a little more appreciation,” she huffed angrily.

“Believe me, I am grateful. But this business of calling me way before it’s time and pretty much laying out exactly what I’m going to do and when is pissing me off. I don’t do well with taking orders. I’m not the pushover I once was. I’m sorry if that offends you, Alice, but it’s just the way I am now. Be glad I’m warning you, because I usually don’t give people that much.”

“What happened to you to make you like this?”

“I was shown the dark side of everything. Leave it at that, Alice.”

“Okay, okay…I’m sorry, Bella, really. I don’t want to push you, and I hope maybe one day you’ll feel comfortable enough to tell me about it. And believe me, I know I can be overbearing and controlling. My parents and Emmett give me hell about it all the time. Tell me off like you just did when I get to be too much, but don’t expect me to change the way I’ve always been, because I won’t, and I don’t want to. Now, are we clear?” she answered, finishing with a bit of arrogance.

I smiled to myself at her willingness to go toe to toe with me. “I think we’ll be just fine, twinkle toes.”

“Don’t call me that, dammit!” she whined, her voice still managing to sound like bells. 

“Sorry, I like it, and you’re stuck with it! I’ll be there in about an hour. Bye!”

I hung up and turned my phone off. So help me, God, I wasn’t going to have any more fucking interruptions until I pulled up into my driveway.

 

~~~ 

 

All the snappy comments I’d made to Alice during my drive here, along with all of the negative thoughts, disappeared the moment I pulled my truck up along the curb of my new home. There, sitting in my front lawn, was Alice looking as beautiful as ever. Her nearly black hair was alarming against her porcelain skin, and everything about her screamed fashionista–from her designer clothing, to her perfect makeup and immaculate hair styling. A few feet away standing over a massive black grill, was who I assumed to be Emmett, as he was monstrous, just as Alice had described, though I couldn’t see his face as his back was turned. His fucking biceps alone looked as though they could swallow my head. Beside Alice and beaming brightly at me, were two faces I’d had burned into my memory for years…Carlisle and Esme. My eyes filled with tears as my throat tightened from the emotion. I stepped down out of my truck, and before I’d even rounded the front, Alice’s small frame was wrapped around me, her arms around my neck and legs around my waist. I could actually feel her crying against me. We stood that way for a while until I felt four more arms surround us. 

I lifted my head from Alice’s shoulder to see Carlisle and Esme standing on either side of us, tearfully smiling and hugging us. 

“Oh, Bella…I’ve missed you so much,” Alice cried. 

“I’ve missed you too, Alice. And both of you, Carlisle and Esme. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Bella, dear, it’s our pleasure,” Carlisle whispered as I heard a deep voice boom out from behind him.

“Hey dammit, when do I get to join in on the fun? Who the hell are y'all hiding in your little huddle?”

At that moment, Alice released me and slowly moved aside with Carlisle and Esme, finally bringing me face to face with Emmett. He looked me over in confusion for a moment, his blue eyes narrowing in a calculating manner.

“Uh, who the hell are you?” he finally asked, scratching at his head. Carlisle roughly jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow. “What?! How am I supposed to know who she is?”

“You never were very observant, water head,” I quipped with a smile as his eyes widened, then he scowled.

“Water head? I don’t even fucking know you, and you’re calling me names? No one calls me that,” he bellowed as Alice placed a hand against his chest and made him take a step back.

“Em, when was the last time someone called you a water head?” she asked pointedly. 

I folded my arms over my chest in amusement, waiting for it to dawn on him.

“Oh come on, Al, you know there’s only one per…no fucking way!” he exclaimed as he roughly moved her out of the way and eyeballed me again. “Cinder-Bella?”

Okay, I would let that go this one time considering I’d used the name he hated against him. While we were growing up, I had always called him “Water head” due to his huge ego, and his odd-ball form back then; his head was just a little too big for his body. In return, he’d dubbed me as Cinder-Bella. To this day, I haven’t the slightest fucking clue where the name came from, all I know is I hated it. Maybe it was because I had always considered myself to be a tomboy versus a prissy girl that fawned over anything Cinderella related. It was a weak guess, but that’s all my frazzled brain could come up with. 

“I’ll let that one slide, you big oaf.” I smirked with narrowed eyes as Emmett’s face broke out into a huge grin just before he lunged at me and wrapped his huge arms around my waist, picking me up and swinging me around in circles.

I struggled to breathe through the intense grip he had on me, and the laughter that I couldn’t hold down. I could smell the fabulous smoke from the grill on his skin and clothes, and it caused my stomach to loudly grumble. I didn’t think anyone had heard that sad display until Emmett came to a standstill and looked at me in shock.

“Was that your stomach?” he exclaimed as I rolled my eyes. Great, I had another Charlie that would be on my ass. 

“Well, I haven’t eaten since this morning. Someone called me and told me not to stop because her wonderful brother would be cooking.”

Emmett whipped his head around to glance at Alice, nearly clocking the side of my head as his eyes sparkled mischievously. “Aw, you called me wonderful, midge?”

“Midge?” I laughed, receiving a glare from Alice as Carlisle and Esme snickered. 

“Don’t start, Bella. And no, you buffoon, I didn’t call you wonderful,” she snapped.

“Not too good with sarcasm, are you, Emmett?” I smiled as he looked back at me with a smirk.

“You look amazing, Bella. I can’t believe you’re actually here. How did all this shit go down without me knowing?”

“Well, I’d be happy to explain it to you, but could you put me down now? It’s kind of hard to breathe.” I gasped, managing to hit his arm rather firmly.

“Oh, damn, sorry. I’m just so…God, I’ve missed you.”

“Miss you, too, and to answer your question, Alice here found me on Facebook.”

“How long ago?” he exclaimed, glaring at her.

“Does it matter? Now you know why I’ve been on your ass about getting a Facebook account,” she bit back. 

“Well maybe if you’d have thrown me a bone about Bella, I’d have joined by now!”

“That is such bullshit, Emmett!” Alice screamed back.

They continued on in their banter while I sidestepped them and went over to Carlisle and Esme.

“I can see they haven’t changed much.” I chuckled, slipping both hands into my back pockets.

“Sadly, not at all; they bicker about everything under the sun. They’ve actually become quite competitive over the years, and I’m sure that you’re their new challenge. You’ll have them both begging for your attention.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to make sure I split up my time evenly, then,” I told them with a smile.

“How was your trip, dear? You look exhausted,” Esme inquired sweetly, brushing some hair from my face.

“I am, but overall it was okay. Alice made sure to keep my phone ringing, so there was never a dull moment. You guys look great, by the way; you haven’t changed at all.”

“Oh honey, you’re too kind.” Esme laughed. “How’s Charlie?”

“Not too good from what I could tell. The man can’t cook, so he’ll probably live on take out for a while. Right now, he’s angry that I suggested he take a cooking class.”

Carlisle laughed loudly, bringing his hand to his face and covering his eyes. “I can see how that would anger him…he’s always been stubborn.”

“Well you look great, Bella. We’re so glad you’re finally back home.” 

I looked to Esme and saw her share a glance with Carlisle before looking at her feet after a shake of his head.

“Where is he?” I questioned, not beating around the bush. Esme’s eyes reflected her alarm. She must have thought that I had been oblivious to her and Carlisle’s exchange.

“All this time that you two have been in contact, and Alice hasn’t told you?” Carlisle asked, disbelievingly.

“No, and it’s not from lack of trying. I ask all the time, but she avoids it, dodges the question, or claims we’ll talk about it later. I don’t want to put a damper on my reunion with you guys, really. It just would have been nice for him to have been here,” I told them with a smile. “So tell me, is the food close to ready yet, Emmett? I’m starving over here!” I shouted over my shoulder.

“Yeah, I can tell! I know they feed you like a queen over there, so why are you so damn skinny?” he hollered back before setting down the cooking utensil and running over to me.

“And I normally do eat like a queen. You could stand to learn a thing or two about feeding people, you know? I could’ve run to McDonald’s, had two Big Macs, and been back by now.”

“Damn, you’re not wasting any time in jumping back on the horse to give me shit, are you?” Emmett said with a laugh as he hooked his arm with mine and dragged me over to the barbecue grill.

“So, I hear you’re a daddy and a freaking husband now? What’s up with that?” I questioned, playfully bumping my shoulder into his.

“Man, I can’t wait for you to meet Rosie. She’s a real bad ass, beautiful, and a great mother. I would’ve brought her and the kids with me today, but I was under the impression we were actually moving you into the house. Midge over there didn’t tell me about the change in plans until thirty minutes ago. And believe me, the need to control everything like she did when we were kids hasn’t waned at all,” he said with a loud groan.

“You don’t have to tell me that. The fucking crack fairy called me at five this morning to tell me to get on the road. Then, she proceeded to try and pass me orders through the phone, telling me how my day would go and what the full game plan was for tomorrow. I put my foot down, and she actually seemed shocked. I take it that none of you have a backbone where she is concerned, huh?”

“Fuck no, not when it comes to her, Mom, or Rosie anyway. I might as well add you to that list because if you put your foot down with Alice and she actually listened to you, then I’m sure I don’t want to be on the receiving end of your anger.” He chuckled as he flipped a few burger patties and then stopped, looking over at me in amusement. “Wait…what did you call her?”

“Who? Alice?” I questioned as he nodded. “Crack fairy,” I reiterated with a wicked glint that I just knew was in my eye. Emmett howled in laughter.

“Oh dude, Jazz is going to fucking love that!” he told me, chuckling a bit more before Alice joined us.

“You’re hogging Bella,” she complained, placing her hands on her hips and stomping her foot.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me? This is how she gets you to give in? She throws a tantrum?!” I exclaimed, not believing what I was seeing. 

“You’d give in after a while too,” he said in his defense, but I just shook my head in amazement that someone his size was intimidated by someone who was only as tall as the top of his stomach. 

“Oh trust me, I won’t.” I stepped away from them at that point to call Charlie. 

“I’m still not taking that damn class, Bells,” he answered into the phone.

“I’m just letting you know that I made it in. I’ve been here about thirty minutes, but I kind of got caught up talking to everyone.”

“Who’s all there?” he asked, and I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something didn’t sound right in his voice.

“Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Alice; the only one missing is Edward. I have no idea where he’s at, and no one will answer my questions, either.”

“Humph. Well, I wish I knew what to tell you, Bells. I haven’t the slightest idea, but if I were you, I’d let it go and let them tell you on their own time.”

“I know, dad. I’m going to let you go because Emmett’s cooking burgers, and it’s looking like they’re very nearly done. I’ll call you later. Love you,” I told him.

“Love you, too, Bells. Tell everyone I said hello.”

When the line went dead, I pocketed my phone and turned back to see Emmett talking heatedly into his phone. I had hid around the side of the house so I was out of his sight.

“I told you, don’t you dare fucking show up here! Do you really want her friend to see that? Christ, Edward, you can’t even manage to button your damn clothes correctly, much less walk in a straight fucking line. Do you really think that I’m going to tell you to get in a car, knowing you’re fucking high as a kite right now? Mark my words; if I see you pull up, I’m calling the fucking cops.” With that, Emmett ended the call and slid the phone into his back pocket. 

My stomach plummeted. Was I strong enough to do this? Edward was a drug addict. That thought made me uneasy, but in the end, I decided that there was no way I could live in the same city as him and not go by to at least say hi. I needed to see him for myself.

I quietly walked up beside Emmett. “You still aren’t ready to feed me?” I asked as my stomach gurgled.

“Almost. I take it that you overheard some of that?” he asked with a sigh.

“Some, but it’s all right. It’s not my business. Do you have any advice for me since I’m staying with Alice and Jasper until the house is done?”

“You’ll need pillows to sleep on, and then an extra to smother your face with.”

I must have looked at him oddly, because he grinned. “Do you really want to hear the midge and her boy toy going at it all hours of the night? They’re fucking loud, Bella, trust me.”

“Damn,” I whined petulantly, because let’s be honest, I wanted some damn sleep tonight. Maybe if I spiked Alice’s Red Bull with my anxiety meds, she’d crash. Right, like I’d ever really do that, but hey, it would do the trick. “Em, can’t I stay with you? Or maybe Carlisle and Esme?”

“Bella, you’re kidding yourself if you think staying somewhere else will save you from her,” he joked. “You’ve been gone a long time, cupcake, and you’ve got a lot to learn regarding how ruthless that little crack fairy can be.”

“You know, when we were kids, you and Edward were my protectors. What changed?”

“Okay, I could answer that, but you’ll think I’m an ass.”

“Well, thinking you’re an ass was instilled in me long ago, so let’s have it. What changed?” I asked with a grin.

“PMS. I may be a big son-of-a-bitch, but I’m not stupid enough to fuck with a woman while she’s PMS’ing, and from what I can tell, Alice is well on her way right now.”

“Do you have any idea how sick it is that you’re talking about your sister raggin’?” I asked in disgust as Emmett scowled at me. “I may have just found ya’ll again, but I’m afraid that I’ll never understand the way your mind works, Emmett.”

“Hey, Bella?” he asked as I began to turn away. “I won’t give you my two cents unless you ask, because I know that no matter what I say, you’re going to do what you want anyway. But…tomorrow, after we move you in, if you want to see Edward, I’ll give you directions there. And don’t breathe a word of it to Alice; she’ll have my balls in a sling.”

I couldn’t help myself. I threw my arms around Emmett as my eyes moistened. “Thank you, Emmett.”

He simply nodded against me, and one thing was for sure, I never thought that Emmett would be able to read me so well. I needed to be careful with my emotions because the walls I’d built were starting to crumble, and I hadn’t even been here a full day.

I was fucked.

“Bella!” Alice’s shrill voice shouted to me.

“Yeah?” I called back, as Emmett smirked and mouthed that the burgers were done.

“Come inside and meet Jazz.” 

I impatiently waited while Emmett placed all the cooked patties on a plate and then raced inside. I walked into the kitchen of the house and found Alice sitting on a huge blanket that had been laid out on the tile floor.

I arched a brow in her direction questioningly.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” she shrieked. 

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you screamed at me to come in here to meet Jasper, then I walk in to find you sitting on this blanket alone.”

Before she could respond, Emmett came in carrying a couple of bags and setting them on the bar. From the bags he pulled bread, condiments, and a few two-liter bottles of soft drinks. I walked over and set the patties next to the bread just as another guy came walking in. He was tall with chin length, dark blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. I knew this was Jasper as I had seen a few pictures of him on Alice’s Facebook page. He went straight up behind Emmett and punched the ever loving shit out of his shoulder.

“Dude, what the fuck?! I just cooked a gourmet meal for your ass, and this is how I get repaid?” Emmett griped in mock offense.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart. Did I hurt your feelings? I’m sorry, come here and let Jazz make it better,” Jasper goaded in the thick southern accent Alice had told me so much about. I couldn’t help but laugh as Jasper started making kissing noises at him, the last time actually landing on Emmett’s cheek. 

“You’re fucking dead, Jazz! I’m so going to beat your ass!” Emmett roared as he tore away from the counter and took off out of kitchen, chasing Jasper through my house, laughing boisterously the entire time.

“Emmett Cullen, you break my house and you’ll be the one getting your ass beat!” I shouted.

I waited a few moments, and just like I suspected he would, I heard him shout from somewhere at the back of the house.

“Bellaaaaa,” he whined. “He started it!!!! Damn, you’re always fucking getting me in trouble, you douche!” I heard him chastise Jasper. Alice laughed from her spot on the floor as both men came stumbling into the kitchen–Jasper smug as shit, and Emmett pouting like a two year old.

“Hi, darlin’. I’m Jasper. Pleasure to finally meet you,” he introduced himself with a handsome smirk.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jasper, but don’t think that your charm will work on me. One, you have a woman right behind you to lay it on, and two, the same thing goes for you; you fuck up my house, I fuck up your face? Understood?”

I actually think that Alice thought I was joking. I wasn’t. It cost enough moving here and getting the house; the last thing I needed was to add repairs to that list.

Jasper’s eyes widened as he swallowed loudly and nodded, just as Emmett slung his big ass arm over my shoulder, kissing my temple loudly with a smack.

“I don’t know what happened to the quiet and reserved Bella we knew as kids, but damn if I’m not loving the new you. It’s gonna be great having you back.” He laughed as Carlisle and Esme walked in.

They both had guilty looks on their faces. Almost like they’d been talking about me or something; whatever it was had my stomach rolling, and that I didn’t like. I glanced around the room and saw that Alice was now pissed, Jasper looked stressed and suddenly drained of energy, and Emmett was frowning disappointedly beside me.

“What’d we miss?” Esme asked with a brilliant grin, wiping the guilty expression away like a pro and breaking the silence. 

What the fuck was going on, and what the hell was everyone hiding?


	4. Chapter 3

BPOV

 

This was so not how I imagined things would be when I returned to Forks. I mean, I’d already picked up on the fact that talking about Edward was pretty much off limits and not one of the Cullens seemed to give a damn either. This was not the family I grew up with. 

The closer I looked at Esme and Carlisle while we ate, the more worry lines came to my attention and the more their stress and emotional turmoil began to show. Alice didn’t show as many signs on the outside, but then again, I was sure she had every facial product known to man to keep her looking flawless. Emmett’s sadness and inner battle showed in his eyes. I may have been gone a long time, but I knew how to read people.

When I couldn’t take the frowning and silent conversations going on around the room anymore, I threw my napkin down and stood up from the blanket. “Okay, here’s the deal people; either you all are going to put a smile on your faces and help me move that shit into this house, or you can all go home. I’m not stupid; I know Edward is at the center of whatever the hell is going on, but if you won’t tell me what it is, don’t bring the baggage to my door. I know that sounds crude, and like I’m being unappreciative, but forgive me. I came all this way, thrilled to be reunited with my family once again, and instead not one of you can say three words to me without zoning out or having some secret conversation with someone else in your head. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to unload my things.”

Alice was glaring at me. Emmett looked to the floor. Jasper actually seemed to be tearing up. And Esme and Carlisle looked down and shook their heads. Not one word was said as I left the room, swallowing down the tears that threatened to spill and the heavy emotions building in my chest. I trudged down the walkway to my U-Haul as I angrily wiped at the few traitor tears that had slipped out. 

Since I was fairly certain Edward was an addict, and that was why this family was torn apart, I was brought back to the pain of when I’d inflicted the same pain on Charlie and everyone else that cared about me. At least I knew that I’d been the cause of everything, and at least Charlie hadn’t given up. I was inexplicably filled with rage at the fact that I didn’t know the specifics of their situation and I didn’t know who was to blame. I couldn’t be sure without knowing the story, but it came across to me that they’d all just given up. 

That fact both surprised and pissed me off. 

But why?

I’d spent fifteen years away from these people. No matter how close to each of them I once was, a lot could change in that length of time and obviously, it had. 

I forcefully pulled on the back hatch of the U-Haul, lifting the doors and sliding out the ramp. As I grabbed hold of a few boxes that were stacked, I caught movement in the corner of my eye. I didn’t bother to turn and look, afraid to show how upset I really was.

“Who do you think you are? We all come to help you move, welcome you with open arms, and this is how we get repaid? You act like we owe you something, Bella! My parents and Alice are in tears, and that shit is not okay with me!” 

Oh no he didn’t! 

I dropped the boxes, not giving a fuck whether they contained breakables or not, and whirled around, fixing my furious glare on Emmett. 

“I never fucking said you owed me anything! I’ve been ecstatic for the past month about moving back to be around my real family. Then I get here only to find out that there’s some big secret no one will speak about, and it revolves around Edward. God dammit, Em! I miss him just as much as I missed every single one of you, yet no one has the decency to tell me what the fuck is going on! There’s something about me that you should know; I don’t do well with family drama, okay? I’ve had more than my fair share. I don’t like secrets. I want to be a part of this family again, but I can’t when no one fucking trusts me enough to tell me what the hell is going on. I know it comes off as insensitive, but right now, I could care less because I’ve got my reasons for the way I am.”

By the time I finished ranting, my chest was heaving, and I was gasping for breath. I wasn’t near tears anymore. 

I was as pissed off as a stepped on frog. 

“Are you done?” Emmett questioned on a whisper, his big ass arms crossed in front of his chest. I narrowed my eyes at him in agitation. “Did I, or did I not offer to give you directions to Edward’s?”

I simply nodded. “You’re the only one who actually brought him up without any provocation, Emmett. Alice gets pissed at me anytime I mention him, and she won’t tell me shit. I’m not asking for every fucking detail, okay? All I want to know is if he’s okay…and why he’s not here with all of you.”

“Fine. You don’t do well with drama, and you don’t like secrets. I can understand that, but lashing out like you did in there isn’t the way to get information. Did it ever occur to you that maybe it’s too hard for us to talk about? Or how about maybe we didn’t know how to tell you?”

I groaned and walked back to the ramp, taking a seat on the edge of the truck. “Yes, I get that, okay? But when I look at each of you, it’s there. You’ve all got this storm brewing behind your eyes.”

“Can I make you a deal?” he asked, giving me a heavy sigh, his rigid and defensive posture slumping in defeat.

“Depends on what it entails,” I answered.

“Instead of you staying with Alice, why don’t you stay with Rosie and me tonight? I’ll tell you all you want to know, then tomorrow we’ll stick to the original plan and you can go see him. I want you to be able to form your own opinion, Bella, but I’m going to warn you, he’s not the same person you remember. He’s unpredictable. He can be dangerous. And honestly, I’m not sure what condition you’ll find him in.”

“You’ve got a deal, but you get to tell Alice of the change in plans. Despite what you may believe, I don’t want to cause anyone anymore pain. You guys are my family too; you always have been. And instead of telling me tonight, tell me tomorrow after I see him. I don’t want to go to him and spend the whole time judging him for what he’s done, okay?”

“Which is it, Bella?” he scoffed, shaking his head at me and turning to walk a few steps away. “First, you bitch about not being told what’s going on, and now you want me to wait to tell you after you see him?”

“Well, from the way you talked about him a second ago…I just…”

“Listen to me; it’s best that you go and see him, armed with the knowledge of what’s happened so that it might prepare you. It’s just…it’s bad, Bella,” he explained softly, his voice breaking under the emotion.

I quickly walked up to him, placing my hand on his arm. “Okay, you can tell me…I’m sorry, Emmett, really. I hope you understand why this whole thing has me so upset though.”

Emmett lightly chuckled and pulled me into a bear hug. “I do, but please, don’t go off like that again; at least, if you feel the need to, tell me, and we’ll talk, okay? I can’t see mom and dad, or Alice hurt anymore. And I will tell you that, even though Alice and I missed the shit out of you and it hit us hard when you left, it hit him even harder.”

No more words were spoken as he kissed the top of my head, released me and started walking back towards the house. I stood there, shocked by what he’d just told me. 

“You coming, Bella?” he hollered from my front door.

“Huh? Yeah, just getting these boxes.” I smiled as I walked back towards the two I’d dropped. 

“You actually think we’re going to let you carry shit?!” Emmett exclaimed, suddenly flanked by both Carlisle and Jasper.

“Um,” I hesitated with complete confusion. “This is my house, and it is my stuff in the moving truck; of course I’m going to be lifting and carrying stuff!”

“Bella, dear, you can unpack your things tomorrow. Tonight, we unload and you point, okay?” Carlisle told me with a smirk.

Obviously, he hadn’t taken my outburst to heart, but that didn’t quell the need I felt to apologize.

Before I knew it, Emmett was walking past me with several boxes stacked on the dolly as Jasper took the two in my arms. Carlisle then winked at me as he, too, came carrying a few boxes down the ramp. I shook my head and smiled at him before noticing that both Esme and Alice stood staring at me from my front porch. It was obvious that they were skeptical about whether to approach me or not, and I felt horrible about that. 

I took a deep breath and slowly made my way towards them. Both kept their eyes on me, staring at me in silence. They were fidgety and seemed like they were the ones ashamed. Maybe they were, but after Emmett and I talked, I didn’t want to cause them any more pain; I definitely didn’t want to see that look in their eyes and know that I was responsible for it.

“Ali, Esme…I owe you both an apology. I shouldn’t have gon–”

“Bella, sweetie, no. You were completely justified, and I’m sorry that we haven’t been more forthcoming with you in regards to Edward,” Esme said with conviction, taking both my hands in hers.

“Esme, really, whether I was justified or not, it wasn’t right. As Emmett pointed out to me, I haven’t been here, and I don’t know what you all have been through. It’s okay; I can wait to hear whatever it is that’s happened. And Alice, you’ve been there for me so much these past couple of months; I’m so sorry for my explosion. Can you forgive me?” 

I hated pleading with her, but the damn fairy had resorted from looking ashamed to now sticking her nose in the air and becoming somewhat arrogant…and royally pissing me off. 

“Alice!” Esme chastised.

Suddenly, Alice began giggling and playfully slapped my arm. “Gotcha!” 

Yep, I’m going to kill her.

“Of course you’re forgiven, Bella! I’m sorry I haven’t told you, but I just have a really hard time talking about it, you know?” she explained nearly inaudibly. 

“I know. Don’t worry about it; I’ll stop pushing. Now why don’t we girls get in there and start telling these goons where to put my shit?”

“Why…Isabella Swan! We’re going to have to do something about that language, young lady!” Esme laughed. “What would Charlie say?”

I looked over my shoulder and arched my eyebrow at her. “Where do you think I learned it from?”

 

**C&B**

 

Three hours later, we managed to have all the boxes in their appropriate rooms, and the furniture was situated the way Alice, Esme, and I liked. Even though it was only me that would be living here, they seemed to know what the hell they were doing, so I valued their input. 

“Bella, do I need to swing by the store for you to grab anything before we head to my place?” Alice chimed in my ear as I sat out on the porch, enjoying a beer with Emmett, Carlisle, and Jasper.

“Um, actually…” I started.

“She’s staying with me tonight, midge. Rosie wants to meet her, and there are some things I need to talk to Bella about,” Emmett informed her, setting his empty beer bottle on the porch railing.

“Since when?” she whined.

“Since Emmett and I talked after my outburst earlier,” I murmured.

“Hey, Bella, why don’t you go check and make sure you’ve got everything before we head out? I’ll explain everything to Midge, okay?”

I left Emmett to deal with Alice, who I knew was going to throw a fit. I could sympathize with her in that respect because she’d been so excited about us having our first sleepover in years. Despite my aggravation regarding her, I was actually looking forward to it as well; the idea of being able to catch up on everything sounded great. But finding out what had happened with Edward took a front seat to that. I loved him just as much as I loved the rest of his family, and if he was hurting or estranged, I needed to know about it. 

About ten minutes later, Alice came up behind me in the kitchen, her head hung and shoulders slumped.

“Seriously, Alice, it’s not that bad. I’ll be staying with you tomorrow night, and you’ll be with me, helping me move all day tomorrow.”

“I know; I was just really looking forward to tonight, but I guess it’s only fair that Emmett gets to spend time with you. I mean, I have been in contact with you a lot longer than anyone else. I would warn you about Rose again, but something tells me that if she tries anything, you’ll surprise the crap out of her.” She laughed softly before hugging me tightly and literally skipping off into the arms of Jasper, who stood with his back leaning against the wall of the dining room.

“Wait for me to call you in the morning, okay twinkle toes?” I called after her with a smirk.

“Fine, I’ll wait, but just know that I’m not the only early bird in this family,” she replied, winking smugly at me as Jasper smiled and shook his head.

“It was great finally meeting you, Bella. See you in the morn…tomorrow sometime,” he joked, ushering Alice out the door at the same time.

I glanced around the inside of my house once more. It wasn’t big by any means, but it was perfect for me. I really didn’t have much furniture aside from my bed and TV, but I had plenty of boxes. There was a lot to do tomorrow, and hopefully, I’d have a decent amount of time to see Edward before going to Alice’s. And I prayed to God that she didn’t find out I was going before I had the chance to escape. Emmett had made it pretty clear earlier that she would freak the fuck out if she knew what I had planned. The why would be a question I was going to ask Emmett tonight. 

And come hell or high water, he was going to tell me because there was no way in hell I would put up with her getting in my shit.

 

**C&B**

 

Rose and the kids…Wow, where should I start? Alice hadn’t lied when she warned me about Rose, but Emmett had stepped in before I threw down. Apparently, my hostility impressed her rather than intimidated her which was just fucking weird. She had tried to scare me off of Emmett, like I was after him or something, which couldn’t have been further from the truth; in fact, it was laughable. 

She was absolutely beautiful, too. Long, flowing blonde hair reached the middle of her back, and she had piercing blue eyes that seemed to look straight through me. I’ll admit that the way Rose had looked at me the moment we arrived made my skin crawl. It was an intense once over, and there was no mistaking that she was calculating. This woman whom I’d just met looked at me and made me feel as though she could see all I’d been through. I hated that feeling, and I didn’t want her to think she got to me. So when she became bitchy and made accusations, sizing me up, I bit back in natural Bella fashion. 

I knocked Emmett for six when I snapped; obviously he wasn’t expecting it, but really, he couldn’t possibly think I’d have sat there and taken it, did he? 

Once everything was smoothed over, we moved from Emmett’s front yard and into the house. Unfortunately, Rose had already put the children in bed, so I’d have to wait until morning to meet the gremlins. To answer the unspoken question here, no, I wasn’t a big fan of kids. I’d never really had much experience with them, but for some reason, every child I had been around loved me. 

Okay, I’ll rephrase that; I wasn’t a fan of babies in particular. I remember how I used to enjoy the older kids that would come into my bakery. Still, it didn’t really make me a fan, but I’d leave the baby making to those cut out for the job. 

As I set a bag of clothes on a barstool in their kitchen, Rose offered me a cup of coffee while Emmett grabbed a beer; typical man. I was just waiting for the questions to start, questions that would mean no harm, but that would cause me to lie and omit. I knew Emmett wanted to know what I’d been up to since I’d moved, but there was no way I was going to tell him the whole truth. 

“So, Bella, how has life treated you the past fifteen years?” Emmett questioned, plopping down in a kitchen chair. 

My fingers traced the rim of the coffee cup as I smirked, amused that I had foreseen this interrogation.

“It’s been okay, I guess. Nothing special really.”

“Oh come on, girl, I know you’ve got more to tell me than that horseshit. How’s Charlie? He still a cop?”

“Yep, he’s been Chief of Police of Lake Arthur, Louisiana for the past fifteen years. He’s pretty lost without me there now. Hell, I did everything for him. Matter of fact, he called me as I was leaving Portland and said that he’d gone to a local diner for breakfast. When I was there, I was cooking every meal, so we rarely ate out. I would imagine eating out is going to become part of his daily routine now.”

Emmett smiled and laughed as he took a quick swig. “So you like to cook?”

“I love cooking, though my expertise is really in baking. I went to culinary school down there and opened up my own bakery in Lake Arthur. I ended up having to shut it down for personal reasons, but I’m hoping to eventually open one here.”

“Oh sweet Jesus, Rosie, Bella can give you a lesson,” he pleaded to his wife, who was glaring him down. “Don’t give me that look! You’re always griping about how you want to start baking more.”

“Don’t buy into his bullshit, girl. He’s just bitching because I won’t let him go on a junk food diet. I rarely buy sweets, and he’s hoping you’ll sway me on it,” Rose explained, thrumming her perfectly manicured nails against the countertop.

“Bella’s got my back, don’t you?” he fired back, his expression confident that I’d chosen his side.

“Sorry to disappoint, Em, but I’m staying out of this. Someone wants help baking or whatever, sure I’ll be there, but I am not going to get in the middle of a lover’s quarrel,” I replied winking as Rose nodded her head in agreement. “What do you do now?”

“What do I do?” he asked dumbly.

“Your job…where do you work?”

“Oh, I own a construction company out here. We build houses from here all the way to Seattle. Rosie here stays home with the kids.”

“But I’m going back to work as soon as I find someone to watch the kids,” she interjected.

“No, you’re not,” Emmett ground out, arching a brow at her. “We’ve talked about this, Rosie.”

“You talked. I didn’t say a word,” she argued back before giving him the finger and walking angrily out of the kitchen.

I turned to Emmett, raising a brow in amusement. He shook his head, silently pleading for me to let it go, and rose from his chair at the table.

“Let’s go into the living room,” he told me softly as I followed behind him. He gestured to me to sit on the couch as he collapsed on the other end, taking another pull from his beer.

“I don’t expect every little detail, Em.”

“Well then tell me; what do you want?” he questioned, narrowing his eyes at me like I’d confused him somehow. 

“I just want to know what’s going on with him. Why none of you talk about him, and act like he isn’t part of your family anymore,” I whispered as Emmett gulped and looked off into space for a few minutes.

“Edward’s a mess, Bella. He has a drug addiction to pain medication. Everything was great three years ago. Edward had just finished medical school at the top of his class. He and Dad opened up their own practice shortly after, and about six months after the clinic opened, Edward’s girlfriend, Kate, died with no explanation. It took all of us by surprise as we loved that girl like she was one of us. And Edward, he just…he didn’t seem to give a fuck; it was like he wasn’t surprised by her death at all,” Emmett spat, the hatred and anger relayed in his voice.

“Em, are you saying Edward had a hand in her death?” I asked, not wanting to believe that it was true. The Edward I had once known would have never killed someone, regardless of what he was going through.

“The police performed an investigation of her and Edward’s apartment. They found empty bottles of Oxycontin on her bedside table, bottles that had been filled by the pharmacy the night before. On the bottles, the name of the physician that had prescribed her the meds…it was Edward, Bella. After further investigation, they found out that he’d been prescribing her these medications for months, and with no basis for doing so.”

“Emmett, if they had found Edward guilty they’d have arrested him, and he’d be in prison right now. How can you still believe he would do something like that?”

He glared fiercely at me. “The motherfucker told the police that one of his prescription pads had been stolen, and when they compared his signature to the ones on file at the pharmacy, they somehow didn’t match up. He got off by the skin of his teeth. A few months later, Dad caught Edward popping the same fucking pills one night in his office. When we questioned him about why he had them and what he was taking them for, he became defensive. Dad, in so many words, fired him from the clinic and reported him to the medical board for practicing under the influence of drugs. They eventually revoked Edward’s license, and he went downhill from there.”

I tried to control the anger that was bubbling up. Through his entire telling of the story so far, not once had he mentioned asking for Edward’s side. Not once had he mentioned believing in his brother, and the fact that he would never do something like that. It royally pissed me off because instead of reaching out and trying to help like most families should, he was more concerned about this woman Kate. 

“Go on,” I choked out, swallowing down the urge to shout at him.

“Over the past couple of years, Bella, Edward has been in and out of jail on drug charges, and has had two arrests for assault and battery. He got tangled up with some big shot out here, and I’m not even sure of what his name is. All I know is that Edward thinks he fucking owes this guy something so he does all of his bidding. For a while, Jasper, Mom, and me would bail him out when he’d get into trouble, but it became too much. Alice and Dad didn’t want to involve themselves with Edward and his criminal lifestyle; they didn’t want to mar their reputation and lose business. He’s completely lost sight of himself, and the Edward we once knew is gone. He should have been locked up the moment he murdered Kate.”

I couldn’t sit back and say nothing. As a matter of fact, I felt like I would vomit at any minute. Edward had been shunned by his family and not even given a chance. He was being punished for something he may not have done and hadn’t even been given the chance to defend himself. What kind of a family does that to someone they love? If that Kate woman had been his wife, I would have understood their devotion a bit more, but she was a fucking girlfriend; Edward was their flesh and blood. 

“You’re not going to like me very much for what I’m about to say, Emmett, and this is basically an outsider’s point of view. But, I’m having a hell of a lot of trouble with what I’ve just heard.”

“I told you, Bella. He’s a mess. It’s best to just forget about…” Emmett started dryly, taking another swig.

“Never,” I snarled at him. “If anything, I’m going to try my damnedest to be a support system for him; if he’ll allow it. After all, someone needs to! I don’t know why you would ever choose to side with some random chick instead of your own flesh and blood, but I can’t agree with that. I can sympathize with his drug addiction, but if they found him not guilty in her case, then he wasn’t guilty.”

Emmett jumped up and slammed his beer bottle down on the table with a loud clank, his eyes fixing me with a hateful glare. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? After everything I just told you, the hell he put us through, you’re taking his side?”

“Here’s the thing, Emmett; I haven’t heard his side. But from an outsider’s point of view, listening to your side of the story and the way you tell it, it sounds like you turned your back on your own flesh and blood without even blinking. Edward was just as much my family as he was yours, and I’m going to be damn sure that I know all of the facts before I turn on him. I don’t mean to offend you, but it’s the truth. If you had gone out and told anyone else what you just told me, and in the same fashion, they’d think the same things as me.”

“There’s more dammit!” he shouted. “Every Sunday, Mom cooks a big dinner for all of us and expects us each to be there. It’s always been that way. Edward still attends every fucking week, whether we want him there or not. Every time, he looks worse. More drugged, skinnier, closer to death. We tell him he needs help, but he just gets defensive and leaves.”

“Yeah, and today, he wanted to come and help move, be a part of everything. I heard how you responded to him. You talked to him like a child and threatened to call the police on him. You don’t want anything to do with him…fine. No one wants anything to do with him, fine…but I’ll be damned if that’s going to stop me from going to see my brother,” I told him, willing my traitorous tears back. “I don’t want this to mar our relationship, Em, but I won’t pick sides on this matter. I haven’t heard his side, and even when I do, I still won’t pick. All I want is to have my family back.”

“Bella, we’ve waited too long to have you back in our lives, so of course I won’t let this get in the way of that, but don’t try and fix this because you can’t, okay? I don’t expect you to understand our side, or what it’s been like for us, but I also understand that you want to hear his side. My assumption is that you would rather go tonight instead of tomorrow though…am I right?” 

I nodded quietly as Emmett sighed loudly, walked towards me and pulled me into a firm hug. “I’m sorry for shouting at you and getting angry, Bella. I just…I’ve seen him under the influence. He can be hateful, and a fucking asshole. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I pulled back with a smirk and arched brow. “Police Chief’s daughter, remember? I can handle, Edward, believe me.”

 

**C&B**

 

I followed Emmett’s directions down to the letter, and I’d already been tempted to turn back around in fear that I’d missed my turn off a couple of times. In Forks, when the sky went dark, the back roads out here went pitch black as the densely forested area didn’t allow for much light. 

Would it have really been so hard for Emmett to have given me a little warning about exactly how far out Edward lived?

As I drove, looking for the supposed gravel road that Emmett claimed would sneak up on me, I wondered whether I should have had Emmett call and make sure he was home first. I would hate to have driven all this way for him to not be home, or for me to interrupt him in the middle of something. 

I was still reeling from how Emmett had blatantly told the story, not hesitating to lay all blame for everything on Edward. I just didn’t understand how they could watch him go through that and then turn their backs on him like that. They should have stood behind him, supported him…like Charlie did me. 

Eventually, I caught sight of a gravel road, matching Emmett’s description. I cautiously turned onto the road, which was impossibly darker than the one-o-one I was on before. 

I wasn’t quite sure what I was expecting his house to look like, but it certainly wasn’t this beautiful Victorian-style home before me. I noticed a silver Volvo parked in the drive and prayed that it belonged to Edward. Before I had even turned my pick-up off, the front door opened, the porch light came on, and…

Fuck me.

If the man that walked out the door was Edward, I was fucked. I swallowed down my nerves and stepped out of my truck. As I slowly made my way towards him, I tucked my hands into the back pockets of my jeans.

“It’s been a long time, Edward,” I spoke excitedly, pushing my nerves aside. I now stood before this…this man and suddenly didn’t feel so sure about my coming here unannounced. He did not seem pleased at all as he glowered down at me. There was no mistaking that it was in fact Edward, though. 

Difference was Edward wasn’t lanky and geeky anymore. Not even close. He towered over me at around at least six foot three, if I had to guess. His dark wash jeans slung low on his hips, exposing a delicious ‘V’. The legs of his jeans had random rips and scratches in the fabric and hugged his thighs just right. A white button down shirt covered his arms, but was undone, leaving his bare, tanned and toned chest exposed. I caught sight of a glimmer of metal, hinting at a nipple ring and the unmistakable blank ink of some sort of tribal tattoo that looked to cover part of his right shoulder and tapered just barely across his collarbone and up the side of his neck. When I finally reached his face, I was gone. His piercing green eyes that I’d never forgotten, stared back at me with a mix of anger and confusion. A lit cigarette was dangling between his plump lips as his chiseled, scruff covered jaw tensed.

Then there was the hair. His ever beautiful shade of bronze, yet completely unmanageable head of hair; I couldn’t get over how absolutely beautiful this man was. Nothing at all like the boy I’d grown up with.

“I’m sorry, but…who the hell are you?” he asked hoarsely. Even with the hoarseness, his voice was still velvet smooth as it washed over me. This was not fucking good for me. Having such a strong reaction to someone I’d always thought of as a brother…yet, I was feeling everything but sisterly right now. 

“You don’t recognize me?” I asked him softly. 

He took a step back, his eyes raking over me. After a moment, he scratched at his head and took a drag off of his cigarette. “Am I supposed to know you or something?”

“Well I would hope so,” I answered, placing my hands on my hips and arching a brow at him.

“I’m drawing a blank, doll. I think you’ve got the wrong guy.” With that, he turned and began to head back inside the house.

“You didn’t say goodbye to me when I left fifteen years ago, Edward Cullen, so I’ll be damned if I let you turn me away now without so much as a fucking hello,” I barked.

I watched as he stopped and whipped around suddenly, eyes narrowed as he puffed at his cigarette. He seemed to be trying to think back, which didn’t take long because seconds later, his eyes widened and the cigarette fell to the ground beside him. 

“Bella?”


	5. Chapter 4

EPOV

 

Pain. 

There was no other way to describe it. My bones ached. My muscles were beginning to seize up like a motherfucker, and my stomach was quickly getting sicker and sicker by the minute. If Michael’s dumbass didn’t fucking hurry up and get here, I feared that the full symptoms of my withdrawal would set in. I was already beginning to experience a few of them, and if I was this miserable already, I didn’t even want to think about how much worse it could get.

I’d run out of my supply last night, and I was someone that was used to swallowing down anywhere from four to five pills every hour to an hour and a half–sometimes by way of snorting instead; that put the drug into effect quicker. I had been in this position many times, waiting on the boss man’s new bitch, Michael Newton, to run my monthly stash by my fucking house. Being a rookie, he usually dicked around and gallivanted in town, taking his sweet fucking time before finally ending up here. But, thankfully, it had never reached the point of me going into full-blown, detox mode; the little weasel always managed to show just before I got to that point. I had been more lenient on the douche than I should have, which is why I was going to beat his pathetic ass if he didn’t show in the next fifteen minutes. 

As it was, I sat in a chair positioned in front of the large window that looked out over my front lawn, a beer in hand and a rag in the other that I’d been using to wipe at the sweat that accumulated on my brow; no doubt from the amount of stress my body was going through. 

I hadn’t always been a lowlife addict, and I fucking hated that my life had turned out this way. I had no one to blame but myself. No one had forced me to take the fucking drugs. That was all me. And while I’d been presented with many opportunities to turn my life around, there was always something…or someone to push me back down the wrong road. I don’t necessarily say that to lay blame on anyone, because in the end, it all boiled down to me being a damn junkie, but when you receive no support, constantly reminded of your shortcomings in life, and how much of a fucking loser you are, it’s hard to stay positive. 

But who the hell was I to bitch and moan? I’d brought this shit on myself. First, getting involved with a fucking bitch who shall not be named, and second, falling in with the wrong group of people. Instead of trying to fight for my job, tell my side of the story, and actually salvage any and all relationships I had, I shut down and turned a blind fucking eye to all that was going on around me. By the time I finally did try to do something about it, it was too fucking late and that’s when the assholes preyed upon me. They saw me as weak and vulnerable and struck while the iron was hot. I’d lost everything I cared about. 

I mean, how many fucking doctors do you know that lost their license nearly a year after opening their own practice, all by the hands of their own father? 

Yeah, I’ll come back to that shit later.

At the time, when Aro’s crew approached me, I didn’t give a fuck about myself–still don’t–and I just went with whatever they proposed to me. Next thing I knew, my brother and my best friend-if I can even call them that anymore- were bailing me out of jail left and right, and loaning me money when I had next to nothing to live off of at home. But in the past year or so, I had managed to move up in rank within our little gang, mob…whatever you want to call it. Instead of being on clean-up detail after big hits, I was now doing the drug-runs, making calls, taking names, and actually performing the hits. To the guys, I wasn’t an outsider anymore. 

Was I proud of the shit I was involved with now? Fuck no, but I had no way out. The last time I’d tried, Aro had come to me with the names of each member of my family, threatening their lives. I knew if I made any move against him, that James, Tyler, Eric, and Garrett would take my ass out in two minutes flat. And I wasn’t that ballsy. 

Where the fuck was Newton?

I held off on calling James as long as possible, but this shit was getting ridiculous. Newton was supposed to have had my shit to me a long ass time ago. I clutched at my hair and pulled out my phone, my hands shaking uncontrollably, and then pressed the speed dial.

“Yeah?”

“Where’s my shit?” I growled into the phone.

“Newton’s bringing it by, Cullen. Man, you know this, so why are you calling me?” 

“Because cocksucker, if you would keep a closer fucking eye on him, I might have it by now! He was supposed to be here over a damn hour ago!”

“You better watch the way you talk to me, asswipe. You need to fucking cut back if you’re already low. We just dropped you a stash last week didn’t we?”

“Does it really fucking matter? You’re just as hooked as I am, bitch. And don’t think I won’t go to Aro with this shit. Someone needs to straighten Newton’s ass out, and the last time I checked, that was your fucking job.”

“Are you threatening me?” he questioned me in a low voice.

“Well, put it this way, either you do something about him, or I won’t hesitate to explain to Aro how you’ve been blowing his money down at Banner’s.”

“Let me call Newton. I’ll get back to you,” he growled.

James was the henchman I dealt with the most, and just about the only one I got along with from time to time. We butted heads a hell of a lot, but it was better than the regular fist fights I usually had with Tyler, Eric, and Garrett. I knew, and he knew, that I had him at the mention of Banner’s. It was an underground whore house in Port Angeles that James frequented. I’d gone along with him several times, but I’d always waited for his ass in the lobby or outside. That wasn’t to say I didn’t get offers from the whores that normally hung around there, such as Jessica or Lauren, because there were a lot. I just didn’t give a shit, and getting involved with any woman after the hell I’d been through was the last fucking thing I wanted to do. So I refrained from touching them at all costs. Touching could form attachments, no matter how little the touch was. I didn’t do attachments. Sure, there had been one or two lays after her, but both had turned out horribly and been a huge nightmare. So, if I felt the need to ‘blow my load’, I did it on my own time with my hand. 

The drama that came with sleeping with someone, or becoming close to someone just wasn’t worth my time and heartache. Women, well the women who’d approached me, always claimed that they were perfectly fine with casual sex, no strings attached, but I fucking knew better. They always said that, and then the next thing I knew, they were telling me they loved me and didn’t understand why I didn’t want them back. That’s why I put a stop to it after having tried with those couple women in the beginning. 

I would willingly admit, I’m fucked up in the head and I don’t see that ever changing. I’m a drug addict, and no better than your common thug. I had gone from being a somebody and having a family that anyone would be lucky to have, to being a nobody. As it was, if I were to die tomorrow from an overdose, or be shot to death on a job, who’d notice? Who’d care?

No one.

My fucking family hated me. Wanted nothing to do with me. I never let myself dwell on it too much because it took me to a dark place in my head, much darker than the place it normally resided in. I still made an effort though. Regardless of how much shit they gave me, I always made sure I still made it home for Mom’s Sunday dinner. I guess that makes me a masochist for what I went through each Sunday, but they were my family, and I loved each one of them just as much as I ever did. Despite the fact that they turned their backs on me in every sense of the word, I couldn’t bring myself to do the same to them. I needed some normalcy outside of the bullshit life I’d made for myself and if going for dinner every Sunday was the closest I’d get to that, then I would happily take it. 

I even tried, hell, I fucking begged for them to let me in on family trips or gatherings, just to show them that I was still devoted and wanted to be a part of things. In some pathetic way, I guess it was also my way in trying to show them that I was sorry for what I had put them through, but the longer time went on, the more it seemed that nothing would accomplish that. 

Before I could think anymore about it, I heard the crunch of gravel outside and lifted my head to see Newton finally pulling up. How fucking convenient. I slowly rose from my seat, my muscles protesting in excruciation. I groaned to myself as I trudged out the front door, meeting Newton at the steps of my porch. 

The weasel had the audacity to smirk at me, almost as if he knew what he’d put me through while he did whatever the fuck it was he did. A sudden wave of nausea came over me, but I quickly swallowed it down as I glared him down.

“What the fuck are you smirking at, Newton?”

“I see you have Harrison doing your bidding now,” he huffed, obviously annoyed at the fact that James had called him and ate his ass out.

“Doing my bidding? Not a chance, Newton, because if it was me that was in charge of keeping tabs on you, I’d have already ripped your fucking balls from your body and fed them to you. Where the fuck have you been? You were supposed to be here more than an hour ago,” I snarled, ripping the bag from his hands that held my supply.

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I got fucking hungry and stopped for a bite at the diner in town. Good thing I did too because turns out, that waitress, Tanya…she’s very gracious when left a decent tip,” he replied with a wink. 

I saw fucking red. 

I took hold of his shirt in my fists and hoisted his small, pudgy frame to eye level with me as I slammed his back into the pillar off to the side of the steps.

“You mean, I’ve been fucking sitting here going out of my mind, waiting on my fix just so you could put food in your stomach and sink your needle dick into a damn whore?!” I growled as he stared back in fear.

“Come on, Cullen. It’s not like you were close to death or some shit!” 

Why the fuck did I put up with shit like this? I was going to have to talk to Aro about allowing me to pick up my stash from him directly from now on, and soon, because this was bullshit. I wasn’t going to go through this withdrawal shit again, not if I could help it. 

I turned my attention back to Newton, drew my free hand back, and plowed my fist into the side of his face, feeling the bone of his jaw give way.

“Get the fuck out of my sight,” I hissed as Newton lay crumpled on the ground howling like a bitch.

I tore back inside and straight to the kitchen where I quickly opened the bag and emptied a total of six pills into my hand. I then hunched over my sink and washed them down with water from the faucet. 

Once I took in a deep breath, I grabbed a couple and lay them out on counter. I reached into my silverware drawer, lifting the tray and pulling my knife, razor blade, and straw from underneath it.

When I had the pills fully crushed to a beautiful powder-like form, I formed it all into one long line and snorted half with one nostril, and half with the other. The feeling and relief was instantaneous, like a cool drink of water after having walked in the desert for miles with no hydration. The tension in my body slowly began to dissipate and all the stress dwindled to nothing. 

Everything was now right with the world. 

**C&B**

 

Hours later, I wasn’t even sure how fucking long I had been out. All I remembered was putting my supplies up in my hiding places and then mixing me a Crown and coke before collapsing on my couch to watch TV. 

As my stupor began to wear off, I remembered that at dinner this last Sunday, the family had talked about helping one of Alice’s friends move in or some shit and that it was supposed to be going down today. I would have just fucking shown up had I have known where the hell it was, but I didn’t, which meant I had to call my brother, Emmett. As usual, he was a fucking prick on the phone and accused me of being fucking high as a damn kite. 

It was a stupid idea of me to even think about helping, considering the way Alice had threatened me about showing up unwanted. It was probably for the fucking best anyway. Having just come back from withdrawing, the drugs would hit me with a harder impact than before until my body settled back down. That was also the reason Aro wouldn’t be calling me with any new jobs for the next couple of days, and that was a good thing because after the hit I’d done for him last weekend and the shit storm it had caused, I wasn’t exactly in the mindset to get back into action so quickly.

The hit was on an old ally of Aro’s, Caius Sharp. He’d been interfering with clients of Aro’s and had been spreading word about his plans to take Aro down. As an act of warning, Aro had sent me and James to do a bit of damage control, and by that I mean that we broke into his home and warehouse and stole what drugs and artillery he had. Where things got fucked up was when we were on our way out. Caius and his three goons were waiting for us at the front door. Always armed with guns, James and I unleashed fire and an all out gun fight started. 

When we called Aro, announcing the fuck up and the death of Caius and his guards, Aro had to call in favors to whoever his connections were and clean up the whole fucking mess. Due to how badly it had turned out, our payout had been cut in half, and Aro made it clear that none of us were to do another hit of that magnitude in pairs. That everything would be individual from that point on.

I couldn’t really complain in that respect because it meant a bigger payout each time, but the chances of cops finding my prints, or someone figuring out that I was involved really put my ass on the line. Even though it had been a shot from James’ gun that killed Caius, the cops would still haul me in on accessory and the nature of my already existent criminal record, something I thought I’d never have.

I sighed loudly and rose, stumbling light-headedly into the kitchen where I fixed another Crown and coke. What I really fucking wanted was to take a few more pills, but I needed to watch my stash this time and try not to get too fucking carried away. The alcohol intake helped in between fixes though. 

Before I knew it, I was waking up to the unbearable lights of someone pulling into my drive. It wasn’t until that moment that I noticed it was now dark outside. The sad roar of the engine wasn’t one I recognized, and that set off warning bells in my head, so I hoisted myself from the couch and lit a cigarette before stepping out onto the porch. 

I couldn’t see shit until the lights from the blasted deathtrap of a truck, though deathtrap may be too nice, had turned off. And I was left confused, pissed off from having been woken up, and amused by the fact that the women were now trying a new tactic in attempting to land me. Why they fucking wanted me I have no clue; it wasn’t like I was a grand catch or anything.

Yet, the closer the woman came, the more I realized that I didn’t recognize her. I knew everyone in this town, and it set alarms off in my head. Who is she? Who does she work for? Is she wearing a wire?

“It’s been a long time, Edward,” she stated as she walked, smiling excitedly at me. 

What the fuck?

I glared angrily, frustrated with not knowing what the fuck was going on. How the hell did this chick know my fucking name?!

“I’m sorry, but…who the hell are you?” I questioned, giving her the once over. She didn’t seem to notice, and it’s a good thing because I wasn’t being exactly kind about it. I’ve explained my rules and reasoning for not getting involved with anyone, but damn if this woman wasn’t a temptation. She was fucking beautiful. 

Long, flowing brunette hair hung past her shoulders in soft waves as her dark eyes looked at me in what could only be described as disappointment.

“You don’t recognize me?” 

She didn’t stand far from me at all now, and I couldn’t help but smirk and take a step back as she made no attempt to hide the fact that the bitch was checking me out. I was used to it though, and I didn’t mean that in an arrogant fashion either. It’s just the way it was. I took some more time to really look at her and came up with nothing, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something hauntingly familiar about those eyes. 

“Am I supposed to know you or something?” I asked frustratingly as I scratched my head and took a long drag. I was slowly becoming convinced that this was just a coincidence. She looked far too fucking innocent for her to be an undercover cop, and was entirely too sweet to be associated with any of the other local thugs.

“Well I would hope so,” she snapped back at me with attitude. 

I’ll be damned, she’s got a bit of spunk, I thought as my eyes traveled to her hands on her curvy hips. I could feel things a stirring below the waist and willed them away. I wouldn’t give in to any urge because as I had said before, it was all for nothing. It wasn’t worth it, no matter how beautiful or sweet this woman might be…whoever the fuck she was. 

“I’m drawing a blank, doll. I think you’ve got the wrong guy.” I told her with a shake of my head and turned to head back in the house. I didn’t have time for this bullshit. I didn’t know the woman, and the longer I sat out there and listened to how she assumed she knew me, the more my body would betray me. 

“You didn’t say goodbye to me when I left fifteen years ago, Edward Cullen, so I’ll be damned if I let you turn me away now without so much as a fucking hello,” she barked. 

I instantly stopped in my tracks and whirled around to face her. I took in a long puff of my cigarette. She fucking expected me to remember someone from fifteen years ago? But then I thought back to around that time in my life, and I couldn’t explain it, but suddenly her brown eyes flashed in my head and it hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no fucking way. I hadn’t thought about her since…since…

Say something you asshole, she’s waiting!

“Bella?” 

I watched as her face lit up with an excited smile and nodded. A smile meant for me. And if she’d found me, that meant that she had to have been in contact with my family. What the fucking hell was she doing here and smiling? Shouldn’t she be kicking my ass? And oh fuck, where’s her dad? The last fucking thing I needed was the Chief of police after my ass.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” she questioned with a laugh. 

“Huh? What?” I asked stupidly, warring with myself on what to do. She pointed her finger down and as I followed her line of sight, the pain sunk in.

“Son-of-a-bitch!” I roared, kicking the cigarette butt that had obviously fallen from my mouth and landed on my bare foot. “Shit, you think you could have fucking said something sooner?”

“Not my fault you were so caught up in being an asshole that you forgot you had a lit cigarette in your fucking mouth,” she bit back. 

My eyes widened. I wasn’t expecting that. She was fucking feisty. What the hell happened to quiet and shy Bella? This wasn’t the same girl I remembered.

I raked my eyes over her once more. Fuck, she definitely wasn’t the same girl. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Okay, so obviously you aren’t capable of the words ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’. Would it really kill you to say, ‘hey, what’s up?’” she asked, her voice growing quiet. 

“You show up here after having fallen off the face of the damn earth for fifteen years, have been here five minutes, and you’re already starting in on me?”

“No, dickhead. I came here because I really wanted to fucking see you since you weren’t there for the cookout earlier today, and foolishly, I thought that you might actually be surprised to see me,” she ground out angrily, turning her back and beginning to walk off, but not before ramming her fist into the pillar beside her.

I watched in shock. The drug induced haze I was in before was wearing off, and the more it did so, the more it became clear and hit home. Isabella fucking Swan was standing in front of me, telling me she was back and came by because she wanted to see me. I’d carried around guilt over the way I’d so obviously hurt her fifteen years ago. We had just been kids back then, but I would never, for as long as I live, forget the look upon her face as she drove away with her dad and out of my-our-lives.

“Oh, you surprised me all right, doll,” I chuckled, my voice gritty from the Crown I’d consumed today. 

Bella fixed her eyes on me furiously. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Are you always this bitchy?” I asked quirking an eyebrow at her, goading her. 

“Are you always this fucking irritating?” she shot back.

“You wound me,” I mocked. “I’d take infuriating over irritating, doll, it’s not like I’m poking you or some shit.”

“Oh you certainly aren’t poking me, because if you were, I’d have your ass on the ground in two seconds flat. Now are you going to ask me to come in or are you going to make me stand out here and get eaten alive by fucking mesquitoes all night?”

“Why in the world would I let you in? I don’t fucking know you anymore,” I joked, hoping she’d go for it.

“For one, and this isn’t me judging so don’t take it that way, you need another fix to calm the shaking in your hands and the cold sweat that’s breaking out across your forehead. Two, you need to put ointment on that burn on your foot or it’s going to become infected, and three…I didn’t drive way the fuck out here just to turn around and go back to your brother’s. You and I should catch up.”

Anger, shame, confusion, and guilt all coursed through me at once. Obviously, the family had gotten their hands on her and filled her head with all of my short-comings, otherwise, she wouldn’t have just stood there and literally picked me apart on needing a fix. I was pissed not only because she’d blatantly judged me, despite her claim that she wasn’t, but also because the friend that Alice and the family had helped move in was obviously Bella. They could shun me out of family gatherings and bash me every fucking Sunday, but for them to deliberately leave me out of welcoming one of our own back home was like a punch in the gut and was worse than anything else they could have done to me.

“If they told you all about how fucked up I am, what the hell are you doing out here, Bella?” I rasped, glaring angrily at her.

“You’re right, they did tell me about you. They told me a bunch of horseshit, and as I said, I’m not judging you. There’s two fucking sides to every story, Edward. Believe it or not, I said what I did about you needing a fix because I know the signs,” she sighed irritably. “Just, please, don’t ask me to elaborate on that tonight. I really am here because I wanted to catch up with you, if you’ll let me,” she whispered quietly as her shoulders slumped. 

She looked fucking defeated and I was so confused on what she’d just said that I did the first thing that came to mind as her words of ‘there’s two sides to every story’ ran through my head. 

I reached out, gently took her arm in my trembling hand and pulled her roughly against me in a hug. 

This was a monumental moment for me as it was the first bit of physical contact I’d had with a woman in over a fucking year, and instead of upsetting me and making me nervous, it did the complete opposite. It warmed a part of my heart I’d long since forgotten even existed.

It was the fact that she’d just done that to me so easily that had me nervous. 

“Fuck, okay, Bella. You can come in,” I whispered into the night air as my chin rested atop her head. “But please, don’t make me regret it.” I pulled away and caught her looking at me sympathetically, but that look quickly transformed into one of determination.

“There’s something you should know, Edward Cullen. I don’t turn my back on my fucking family, despite what’s going on. I’ll tell you just like I told them, if you need me, I’ll be here, whenever, wherever. And if your sister or brother even think of trying to stop me, they’re in for a rude awakening.”

“Okay, you’ve fucking been here maybe twenty minutes at the most now, and already you’ve managed to thwart my every attempt to get rid of you, and yet, at the same time you’ve also managed to make me hope you never leave,” I murmured, which was a really fucking pussy thing for me to do. How my rough exterior hadn’t scared her off, I have no idea but I was ecstatic she was still here.

Just to have an ally, someone on my side to talk to and shit, aside from Aro’s henchmen was something I hadn’t realized I needed until she showed up and ran her sarcastic fucking mouth. She gave as good as she got, it seemed, and I couldn’t wait to learn more about what had happened to the once innocent and sweet Bella Swan I’d grown up with.

And I already knew by my gut feeling that this woman was going to completely wreak havoc on my life and turn it upside down.


	6. Chapter 5

BPOV

 

He just got away with fucking murder. I was pissed and ready to knock the shithead in the mouth when he hugged me. No one did that to me because they knew better! Even Charlie wasn’t that brave.

Now, I’ll admit, once I got over the initial shock of having Edward’s arms around me, and I let the anger subside a bit, it was really nice. BUT…he fucking reeked. The moment I hugged him back and inhaled, I literally wanted to vomit. I mean, I knew he was going through withdrawals and shit–I could tell–but for the love of all that’s holy, when the hell was the last time he’d actually showered?! He smelled of sweat, poor hygiene, and another odor I just couldn’t place. Thank God his breath was at least decent. 

It sure was unfortunate too, given how insanely good looking he was–and I say that in a completely sisterly manner. 

I followed him into his house and was surprised to find it unbelievably beautiful inside. I wasn’t exactly sure what I expected to find, but it certainly wasn’t this pristinely clean home. That is, until I went into the living room. Beer bottles covered half of his dark and obviously expensive coffee table, along with trash from snacks that had, no doubt, been picked up at a convenient store. If his table was in this condition, I almost hated to think of what state the kitchen was in.

“Sorry, I’ll get this picked up real quick. I wasn’t exactly expecting company, at least not in the form of a woman,” he replied with a grimace as he leaned over, gathering the bottles in his arms and effectively putting one of his pits near my face as I sat on the couch.

“Edward, I mean this with the utmost respect and truly mean no offense, but damn dude, when was the last time you fucking showered? And what do you mean by ‘at least not in the form of a woman’? Are you saying if I were a man, it would be perfectly fine? You bat for the other team now, Eddie?”

“You know, calling me Eddie pretty much gives me the right to call you ‘Doll’, and I’m pretty fucking sure that I might have mentioned something about not making me regret letting you into my house,” he answered, narrowing his eyes at me over his shoulder before walking out of the room.

“Speaking of,” I shouted with a smile, “your place is really nice!”

“And blatantly kissing my ass won’t erase what you just said a moment ago, Doll,” he said, appearing in the doorway to the living room with a smirk. “Can I get you a drink? Beer, water, juice?”

“As much as I’d love a beer, I still gotta drive back to Em’s. Got any Dr. Pepper or Coke?”

“I’ve got Coke.” 

He then disappeared again. I winced, chastising myself for having mentioned Emmett again. I had seen Edward’s face fall the moment his name left my lips. Just as I expected, too, Edward didn’t seem angry or dangerous as Emmett had described. He, instead, appeared to be hurt and deeply affected by the turmoil, and that had kind of become clear when Edward became bitter outside about the mention of them telling me shit. 

Breaking me from my thoughts, Edward’s hand stretched out before me, offering up my Coke. I took it and watched as he plopped down into the leather chair off to my diagonal right. It was after he sat down and the light reflected off of his skin, that I began to see the dark, heavy rings beneath his eyes. The unhealthy way his cheeks were sunken in, showing the sickly effect that the drugs had on him. It would only get worse from there too, the longer he continued to take the drugs. Eventually–if it hadn’t started already–his teeth would begin to deteriorate, break, and fall out. He would continue to grow slimmer and slimmer and it would just be a matter of time before he had a bad reaction and suffered from a massive heart attack.

I watched from the corner of my eye as Edward glanced down at his wrist watch, his hands fidgeting just as they had outside. After popping my Coke open and taking a quick sip, I lifted my eyes to his. “Edward, go. It’s okay. There’s no sense in you staying in here, uncomfortable and on edge when you have a fix in the next room.”

Edward’s eyes widened, but then narrowed…calculating. “How can you talk about that like it’s nothing?” he questioned, accusingly. “What’s your motive? Did they put you up to this? Send you over here to see just how fucked up I am?”

“Hey, chill the fuck out, Eddie. They didn’t put me up to anything. I just got here today, and I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. And the reason I can talk about it like it’s nothing is because, as I told you before, I know the signs. I don’t think either of us want to go over our fucked up life stories, so can we just settle on catching up on the not so dramatic shit? Just go do what you need to do because I don’t want you to sit here in pain and distracted. It’s no fun that way.”

“You talk too fucking much,” Edward grumbled as he stood and walked away, back into the kitchen again.

Minutes later, he came back, wiping at his nose and smirking as he, once again, took his seat.

“So, since we’re going to avoid our fucked up, dramatic shit, what does that leave us to discuss?” he questioned, taking a long pull from his beer.

“Well, you could always answer my questions from earlier?”

“You’ve had so many…like I said, you talk too much. Mind refreshing my memory?”

“Your b.o. might be a good place to start,” I quipped as the corners of his mouth turned up and his eyes narrowed again.

“Right. Just been busy, and the times that I have been home, I’ve been asleep, something I was thoroughly enjoying before your ass rapped on my damn door.”

“Seriously? That’s your excuse? You’ve been busy? You couldn’t come up with something better? Like your water heater is out, or you haven’t been able to pay your water bill for the month?”

“One, it’s really disturbing that you came up with that so fast, and two, I would much prefer my being busy than to not have paid the water bill and have no plumbing.”

“But you do bat for the other team?”

“How the fuck do you get that from me talking about plumbing?” He laughed, taking yet another pull from the beer.

“Oh, it has nothing to do with that. I just simply noticed you haven’t denied it.”

“Believe me, Doll, I don’t bat for the other team. I just don’t ever have women here, haven’t for years. And no, I won’t elaborate, so don’t ask,” he muttered, arching a brow at me. “Enough about me, smart ass. What about you? How’s your Dad? Where was it you guys moved to again?”

“Charlie’s good. And we moved to a small town in Louisiana. I loved living there, but it just wasn’t…home.”

“Something happened there that made you come back, didn’t it?”

“I thought we were avoiding the heavy shit, Eddie?”

“I was simply stating what I thought, Doll. Didn’t mean for you to think you had to explain anything.”

I released a heavy sigh. I knew he was genuine in not meaning to make me feel like I should explain, but maybe if I let him in just a little, he would see that I actually cared about getting to know him again. Not basing everything on what I’d heard about him.

“Look, I just got involved in a bunch of shit with the wrong people. I left because it wasn’t good for Charlie’s reputation as Police Chief if I stayed.”

Edward’s eyes softened for a brief moment and then dropped to his lap in shame. “If anyone would understand that, it would be me.”

I didn’t think I’d be overstepping any bounds in asking, but I wanted…no, needed to know why he wasn’t there to welcome me back home with his family today. I wanted his side of the story. 

“Edward, can I ask you something? You can even tell me to fuck off if you want.”

“Depends on what the question is, Bella,” he whispered. Don’t think I didn’t notice how he’d actually referred to me by my name and not ‘Doll’.

“Why weren’t you there today with everyone else?”

“Now see, if I tell you the truth behind that, it could influence your opinions of me or my family and I don’t want to put you in the middle of all of this shit, Bella.”

“You won’t, okay? Come on, Edward. Tell me, please? It was the one thing that got in the way of this afternoon being perfect, and I really want to know.”

His eyes raked over me before darting around the room, finally landing on a random spot of the stone fireplace, off in a corner of the room. A long pause ensued, and the more it stretched on, it became increasingly obvious that Edward was more emotionally shut off than I had originally thought.

“Okay, forget I said anything. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was such a…”

“Alice didn’t want me to taint such a happy occasion, and Emmett believed that I was high as a kite. Mom and Dad had no opinion–that I know of anyway,” he answered, his voice nearly inaudible as he raked his hand through his hair.

“What do you mean by taint? Edward, I wanted you there, and she fucking knew that.”

“It doesn’t matter, Doll. I wanted to help, believe me, but I had no idea until you showed up at my door that it was you they’d helped move in. If I had known beforehand, I would have gone, not giving a shit what they had to say about it.”

“Good, because you’re coming with me tomorrow. I’ll come pick you up.”

“What’s the point in that? They’ve already moved you in.”

“No, today was actually just a reunion type thing. Emmett cooked out, we unloaded the truck, but nothing is unpacked. That and I still have a shitload of shopping to do. So, tomorrow, I’ll come and pick you up and you can help if you want. If they have anything to say about it, then I’ll shut them down. It’s me that’s moving in, and if I want you there, that’s my decision. Not theirs.”

Edward’s eyes widened in surprise, he smiled, and then took another drink. “You might have a bit of trouble convincing Rosalie of that fact.”

“I’ve already laid down the law with her, and we’re cool. I don’t step on her toes and she won’t step on mine.”

Edward then laughed. Like a full-bellied laugh and it sounded wonderful. “Are you serious?” he questioned. 

I arched a brow and smirked.

“Holy shit, what I would give to have been there to see that. You realize that you’re the only one that’s ever done that right?”

“Well, that would explain why Emmett seemed shell shocked. I just don’t get intimidated easily. But I mean it, Eddie. It won’t be right without you there.”

“Things aren’t like they used to be, Doll. You don’t want me there. It’ll do nothing but start drama with the family.”

“Newsflash, the last time I was here, and as far as I’m concerned, you are family. Like I said, if they have anything to say about it, I’ll shut them down. Unless it’ll make you uncomfortable. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to go. Not if you really don’t want to.”

“That’s not it, I promise. I guess you’ll see what I mean tomorrow,” he said with a sigh. “So, you’re staying with Emmett, and not Alice…how’d that come about?”

“Originally, I was going to stay with Alice, but during the drive up from Louisiana, I’d had about as much of that fucking crack fairy as I could stand, so I decided I needed a night to decompress.”

Okay, so it was a little white lie, but I wasn’t about to humiliate him with the knowledge that I’d stayed with Emmett to learn about how fucked up Edward’s life was. 

“And all this shopping you’ve got to do, I assume Alice will be with you?”

“Her and Esme, though I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to come with me a few time, you know?” I offered and couldn’t help but laugh as he grimaced.

“I don’t do shopping, Doll. Now, if you want someone to go with you for a cup of coffee one morning or a night out drinking, I’m your guy.”

“You realize how fucking crazy this is, right?”

“What?”

“The Edward I remember was lanky, geeky, and nothing at all like you are now. To see you like this is just…weird.”

“I could say the same for you. You were shy and quiet, and since you’ve been here, you’ve been anything but…” he chuckled wryly. 

I laughed and playfully kicked my leg out, effectively hitting his shin. “What’s with the ink and metal?” I questioned, gesturing toward his tattoo that was peeking from beneath his shirt and the polished steel of his nipple ring.

“The metal is a good example of why it’s not smart to mix drugs with alcohol while out with a group of people. And the ink came from the same night.”

“Okay, so if you didn’t like it, why’d you keep it?”

“Well, once the fucking pain dulled, I thought it was pretty fucking cool. That and women seem to get off on it,” he answered with an arrogant smirk, which did not so innocent things to my girly parts. 

Dammit, this is EDWARD! Stop thinking like that!

“Yet you haven’t had women here for years? How the fuck does that work?”

“I didn’t say that I encouraged them. Women get off on it, when I’m out at bars and shit. I told you, I don’t fucking bring them here.”

“So, is it a common occurrence for you to go to bars, flaunting your nipple ring for all to see? Don’t most bars have rules about no shirt, no shoes, no service?”

“Damn, the south fucked you up, didn’t they, Doll?”

“I’ll have you know that I worked at a bar for years, and I know we aren’t the only place that enforces that rules, jackass.”

“There’s such a thing we have down here called body shots,” Edward replied, his voice raspy with the same hint of sarcasm I’d gotten from him all night.

“Ha ha ha. You’re so fucking funny. You really are fucking confusing, you know that? Which is it? Are you just a manwhore that has random fucks away from home or what?”

“That’s a bit personal, don’t you think?” he stated lowly, clearly not playing.

“No, not at all. Given the nature of what we’ve been talking about and the things you’ve said, I think I raise a valid question,” I answered folding my arms across my chest.

“Fine,” he growled, leaning forward in his chair and placing his elbows on his knees. “No, I am not a fucking manwhore. I was just pulling your damn leg. I go to the bars and when it gets hot, I might wear my shirt open like it is now. I have no interest in doing anything with anybody. So can we drop it?”

“No need to get your fucking panties in a bunch. Just asking a question, and obviously, I’ve overstayed my welcome. I guess I’ll uh…talk to you later, Eddie.” I started to get up, feeling somewhat guilty for pushing him because I’d willingly admit, I may have gone a bit too far.

“Wait, Bella, look, I told you that you had a big mouth. I just…”

“You like your privacy, I get that, okay? You don’t have to explain anything to me,” I told him with a reassuring smile as I rose to stand.

“Doesn’t mean that I don’t feel like an ass. I’m just not used to talking to anybody outside of my connections. If the offer still stands, I really would like to help you move in tomorrow.”

“Of course it still stands. I’ll come by and pick you up sometime early afternoon. Can you put your number in my phone so I’ll have a way to call you and give you a heads up?”

“Early afternoon? You mean that Alice doesn’t have you on a schedule that starts at six in the morning?”

“After the shit she pulled this morning and the way I reamed her for it both then, and before I went to Emmett’s, I’d be really surprised if she dared to try that shit on me again. I wake up on my own time, and whenever that may be tomorrow, I’ll call you, k?” 

“It’s going to be nice having you around, you know that?” he laughed as he took my phone from my hand. 

“Listen, Edward, in all honesty, if I say something that offends you or I push too hard about certain things, just tell me okay? I don’t want you to misunderstand me or anything.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Doll, but you don’t strike me as the type that would give a shit about what anyone thinks. Why would what I think matter?”

“Because I think you’ve been dealt a shitty hand, and having been there before, I don’t want to add to it.”

With that, he handed my phone back to me. I tucked it back in my pocket and made my way to my truck. Edward stood on his porch as he watched me drive away. The last thing I saw before he faded into nothing behind the trees was him giving a wave in my rearview mirror.

Just as I had suspected, Edward wasn’t nearly as bad as Emmett had made him out to be. Of course I wasn’t referring to his addiction because there was no doubt that Edward was indeed addicted. And honestly, it had been a bit painful to see him like that, remembering what it felt like needing a fix just to feel even the smallest bit of normalcy. But in regard to him being dangerous, I didn’t get that vibe from him at all. 

Now that I’d actually seen him, the anxiety had dwindled and I was left reflecting on exactly how I’d acted today with the rest of the family. I couldn’t say that I regretted anything I’d said, but I did have an inkling of regret over the way in which I’d gone about saying and doing things. There was no doubt in my mind that they had all suffered, and while I didn’t agree with over half of the story Emmett had told me, they were still my family. I just needed to make them understand that I wouldn’t cast Edward aside as they had done so blatantly. They were just going to have to make fucking do with the fact that he was going to be around. 

It would be entirely up to them whether they wanted to be around me while I hung out with Edward, but I wasn’t going to single anybody out just because they didn’t get along. I wanted them all with me, so I was going to leave it up to Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett. Edward wouldn’t mind being around them. From what I had gathered from the way he’d talked about them, he actually missed them. 

I completely sympathized with him on that note too. Had Charlie have turned his back on me, I’m not sure what I would have done, but I know for sure that I never would have gotten clean and my heart would have shattered a little more each day he shunned me. That’s part of why I was so adamant on being there for Edward. Was I saying that I would agree with everything he did? No, and that wasn’t what all of this shit was about.

This all boiled down to family. Regardless of what fucking goes wrong in someone’s life, there should always be someone whose shoulder you could cry on, that would love you unconditionally. Apparently, somewhere along the way, this family had lost sight of that and had put their careers and reputations above the needs of their loved ones.

I would try my fucking hardest to be there for them all and try to understand everyone’s feelings, but the moment Alice or Carlisle mentioned their reps being on the line or some bull like that, the shit was going to hit the fucking fan. 

So there you have it, I was done–for now–venting my anger. I could only hope that eventually, things would change and they would all come together again. 

There was no denying that Edward needed help, but one of the main things the Cullens needed to fucking understand was that until a drug addict was truly ready to change, no amount of rehabilitation would work. They had to want the change for themselves. I’d learned that the hard way. And until Edward reached that point, they needed to accept him the way he was, whether they fucking liked it or not.

Call me a bitch, I really don’t care, but that’s the way I saw things and there was no one who could tell me any different.


	7. Chapter 6

BPOV

 

Just as I knew he would be, Emmett was waiting up for me when I walked through the door. I simply moved past him and set my purse down on one of the barstools. Not in any hurry, I also helped myself to a glass of water before he came walking in, arms folded across his chest and an eyebrow arched.

“Where’s Rose?” I questioned nonchalantly.

“She headed to bed. She wanted to wait up for you, but we weren’t expecting you to be gone so long.”

“Don’t get fucking cocky with me, Em. I wasn’t even there that long, an hour at the most. And besides, it’s not like he lives five minutes away. It took me forever to find the place.”

“Well?” he asked in an obnoxious tone. If he wasn’t twice my fucking size, I’d have been tempted to knock him in his mouth. I didn’t answer to him, and I’d be damned if I let him think I did.

“Well what? Is this where you interrogate me about your supposed dangerous and horrible brother?” I snapped.

“Why are you getting so damn bitchy with me, Bella? You’re acting like I’m the bad guy here.”

“This isn’t about anyone being the bad guy, but when I walk through the door and you start fucking demanding answers without so much as saying hi, I’m going to get pissy.”

“All right, apparently I went about it the wrong way. How was he?”

“Edward’s fine. Shocked the hell out of him once he figured out who I was, but everything was great. It was good seeing him, so thank you for giving me his address.”

“You mean that he actually carried on a normal conversation with you, completely coherent?” he scoffed, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter. 

In aggravation, I slammed my water down on the counter and took in a deep breath. “Okay, Emmett, I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to really hear me because I’m only saying this once. I won’t and can’t begin to imagine or know all that you guys have been through with Edward, but he’s not an animal. He’s your brother…your blood. And in my eyes, he’s still my family. Always will be. I’m not going to tell you all how to feel, and I expect the same in return. I don’t want to hear how awful you all believe him to be, because after tonight, I simply don’t see it in him. He wasn’t fucked up, he wasn’t irate…he was completely coherent and actually fun to talk to. In fact, you should probably know and pass on to the rest of the family that I’ll be picking Edward up in the morning, and he’ll be coming to help me finish moving in.”

I watched as Emmett’s eyes narrowed and his jaw flexed, his face reddening considerably. “You can’t do that, Bella,” he rasped.

“The hell I can’t,” I growled. “I’m the one moving in. I’m not doing this to hurt anyone or cause any drama, Emmett. I won’t exclude him. He wanted to be there today, and I could tell that he was hurt he wasn’t included. I highly doubt he’ll say or start anything with anyone because from what I could tell, he misses you guys. I need you to promise me that you’ll try and make the best of tomorrow, without making a scene.”

“I can’t promise that, Bella. I’ll try, but you have no idea what the hell you’re doing. We’ve dealt with his bullshit for the past two and a half years. He’s inflicted more hurt and shame on our family than you could ever imagine…”

“In whose eyes?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. “I won’t pick sides, Emmett. I refuse to exclude him just for everyone else’s benefit when I want him there. I want to be around him…around my family. Anyone that can’t deal with that can leave when the tension gets to be too much. All I’m asking you to do is try and make it work, okay?” I finished with a heavy sigh. 

“Don’t you think I have?” he exclaimed, raising his voice at me. 

“Don’t yell at me. I wasn’t talking about trying to get him help, though that wouldn’t hurt; I was talking about trying to be around him without letting your animosity get in the way.”

“If he stays the fuck out of my way, we’ll be fine,” he huffed and then crossed the room to stand before me as I glared at him. “Bella, please, I don’t want to argue with you or have this get in the way of us getting to know you again.”

“Then don’t let it, Emmett. I want to spend time with all of you, but it’s not fair for you to expect me not to include Edward just because it makes you uncomfortable. I would appreciate it if you can fill the family in for me tomorrow morning since I’ll be swinging by his place to get him before heading over to the house.”

“I can tell you right now that Alice is going to have a hell of a lot more to say regarding this than I did.”

“Believe me, I know that, and I’ll deal with her when I get there. I really mean no offense to any of you by inviting him, Emmett, but I’m not cutting him out.”

“Okay, okay, I get it, Tiger. You wanna have a beer with me outside?” 

I could tell from the smirk on his face that this was his idea of a peace offering and I couldn’t help but smile. “Sure. After today, I think just one may not be enough though,” I added with a laugh as he grabbed our beers and headed out onto the porch.

 

**C&B**

 

Remember me talking about someone up in the heavens above us, laughing their fucking asses off? Well, apparently, the joke on me now included fucking with my sleeping pattern. I thought that I’d actually be allowed to sleep in a bit this morning and wake on my own time, but hell no; I woke to two boys screaming at the top of their lungs outside my bedroom door about which Power Ranger was the most ‘kick-butt’. Again, I remind you that I don’t necessarily like children, especially those that fucking wake me up and give me a pounding headache at…fuck! I glanced over at my alarm clock, noticing it was seven in the morning. 

Emmett had warned me to have an extra pillow to smother my head with to drown out the sound of Alice and Jasper, but he had neglected to mention that I’d need one here as well. I turned onto my side and wrapped my head in the only pillow I had, which I quickly realized was ineffective. I tried several more strategies and finally gave up nearly fifteen minutes later. 

As a form of payback for some of the havoc Emmett and Edward had wreaked on Alice and I as kids, I grabbed my phone and grumbled as sent Edward a text.

 

If for any reason I someday express a desire for wanting kids, BITCHSLAP me –BS

I smirked when he replied with a very colorful and sarcastic remark…nearly ten minutes later. 

I’d be glad to, Doll. Is the BS supposed to stand for bullshit? And was it really fucking necessary for you to wake my ass up for this shit? -E

About thirty minutes passed before I drug myself out of bed and trudged into kitchen. Emmett was standing next to the counter fixing himself a cup of coffee as his kids chased each other around the kitchen table, each carrying plastic swords and wearing identical pairs of Power Ranger pajamas. I instantly noticed the uncanny resemblance between them and Emmett, which really brought me back to my childhood.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Emmett said with a laugh. “I didn’t think you’d be up for another couple of hours.”

“I didn’t either, but I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh man, did the boys wake you up?” he questioned, his eyes expressing worry. 

Despite my shitty mood, I couldn’t bring myself to give him a guilt trip so I plastered a fake-as-all-get-out smile on my face. “No, I was just restless,” I answered and glanced around the kitchen. “Rose still in bed?”

“Yeah, but she should be getting up pretty soon. You want some breakfast? I can cook up something.”

“Nah, that’s okay, Em. I’m just going to go get ready. I’ll swing by and get some coffee on the way to pick up Edward. Have you heard from Alice?”

“Yep. Midge called bright and early around five. She said that since she wasn’t supposed to call you, she’d call me instead to remind me to wake you up. Just so you know, I let you continue sleeping. She actually wanted me to wake you up right then.”

“I swear,” I growled. “If I didn’t want to get moved in so badly, I seriously wouldn’t show up until one or two, just to piss her off. Did you get a chance to warn her about Edward coming?”

“Uh, no and the reason for that is because I honestly didn’t want to listen to her bitch that early in the morning. When you go after him, I’ll just fill everyone in at the same time. Makes it a whole lot easier.” 

I wasn’t sure what had happened between the time we went to bed and just now, but that was probably the calmest I’d seen Emmett, or anyone else for that matter, react to the mention of Edward’s name. I wasn’t going to question him about it though. Hopefully, he’d come to some kind of fucking peace with what I had said last night.

We talked for a few more minutes, he introduced me to the boys and I then disappeared back into the bedroom to get ready. Before putting my shoes on, I texted Edward back.

HA HA…you’re funny. *eye roll* It stands for Bella Swan, shithead. And yes, it was completely necessary. You should be thankful I had the fucking decency to text you instead of calling. I’ll be there in the next forty so do me a fucking favor, shower in the meantime. –BS

And just as I grabbed my keys and began to walk out of the room, my phone buzzed again.

You’re a bitch, you know that? –E

;) Shut the fuck up and take a damn shower. –BS

 

EPOV

 

Bella. Fucking. Swan. I wasn’t sure if the joke was on me or her when it came to her coming back into my life. I certainly wasn’t expecting the take-no-bullshit attitude that she seemed to have now. Although we’d only reconnected last night, every time I thought I knew what she would say next, she completely said the fucking opposite.

And who the fuck was she to tell me that I needed to shower? My hygiene was great, wasn’t it?

Oh hell…damn…DUDE…I thought and cringed away as I lifted my arm and sniffed my pit. That shit just wasn’t right. What the fuck had I been doing for the past week, and when was the last time I actually showered?

Oh, right…I’d been on a job and then dove, head-first, into the first stage of withdrawals. Actually, I was fucking surprised I remembered anything from our conversation last night, what with the amount of alcohol and number of pills I’d taken.

One thing was for fucking sure, I needed to jump in the damn shower and do it before she got here because if I showed up to help her move in looking and smelling like I did now, I’d never hear the fucking end of it from the family. They already had more than enough ammunition to come at me with; the last thing I wanted, or needed, to do was give them another reason. What I hoped for more than anything, though it would never happen, was for my Mom or Dad to–just once–seem like they were happy to see me, to tell me that I looked good and at the very least, wrap their arms around me. Instead, I was fucking treated as though I had some kind of highly contagious, incurable disease. 

I forced myself out of bed and headed to the kitchen, my anxiety and addiction filling me with the need for another fix. Once I felt the drugs wash over me like a cool drink of water, I managed to get in the shower. I couldn’t keep my fucking head from going into full-on panic mode. I wasn’t even completely sure why I was freaking the fuck out. It revolved around my trust issues, of that much I knew. I couldn’t help the nagging feeling in my gut that told me my family would stop at nothing to turn Bella against me. For once though, I wanted my gut to be fucking wrong.

I hardly knew her, but her spunky personality and willingness to go head to head with me was a nice change to my fucked up life. And that was only after an hour or so of conversation. The panic majorly set in when I thought about what that could mean. If she was able to affect me so much in such a short span of time, I feared what damage Bella could possibly inflict on me over a longer span of time. I didn’t want to dwell on shit like that though because it fucked with my head relentlessly and seriously darkened my outlook on everything, taking over my life. If I began to lean on her, put my trust in her and then she turned her back on me, I wouldn’t be able to take it. And I didn’t want to go so far as to fucking say that it was only because of Bella; it could be anybody. That’s why I had refrained from talking to anyone about anything other than my fucking bullshit job, and why I absolutely refused to let anyone close to me. 

Letting someone in my head or heart would leave me vulnerable. I didn’t do well with vulnerability. In the line of work that Aro had me doing, that was something I couldn’t afford to have. And with the job I had, caring about someone was just as risky. It caused carelessness and with my track record, it made me make mistakes I wouldn’t have normally made.

As I stood in the shower, my body began to fucking tremble. The stress and anxiety were getting to me and obviously, the fix I’d taken about twenty minutes ago hadn’t been enough to ward the feeling off. I quickly turned off the water, wrapped the towel ‘round my waist, and hurried to the kitchen, desperate to feel some kind of fucking reprieve from the hell going on in my mind. Before I could even wipe the excess debris from my nostrils, there was a knock at the door. 

Bella was the only person I was expecting, so it had to be her. Considering that it would take me forever to find a pair of jeans that I didn’t mind getting fucked up, I didn’t want to leave her waiting on my doorstep. That and I had a sneaking suspicion she’d kick my ass for that shit, so I answered the door.

In nothing but a fucking towel.

I could only hope that other parts of my body fucking behaved long enough for me to invite her in and escape to the bedroom to finish getting dressed.

Big mistake.

I opened the door and two things happened at once: Bella knocked on the fucking bridge of my nose as she looked over her shoulder, and me–blinded by the pain in my nose–dropped the blasted towel. 

Yeah, laugh it the fuck up. It wasn’t near as funny as it sounds. 

“Shit! Dammit, don’t turn around!” I hollered, but did she fucking listen? No.

“Oh for the love of fucking…” Bella shouted as she turned and bolted off of my porch. And I was just arrogant enough to notice that she had hesitated for a split second when she’d looked down and saw my junk. Bella’s eyes had said one thing, but her reaction was something else entirely. 

I quickly pulled up the towel back up and tight around my waist. “Okay, its safe, and totally not my fucking fault by the way. If you hadn’t rammed your fist into my nose, I wouldn’t have lost my grip on the towel.”

She narrowed her eyes at me and stalked past me into the house. It was then that I noticed she was carrying a drink and bag in one hand. “What the hell are you doing answering your door in that, anyway? Have you no shame at all?” she muttered.

“Well, a bitch woke me up this morning and demanded I take a fucking shower. I had just stepped out of said shower when you knocked on my damn door. Instead of leaving you waiting outside, I figured I’d just let you in and then go get dressed, which is what I’m about to fucking do now, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“Hey, Eddie,” she called out as I turned my back. Before I even knew what the fuck was happening, she’d grabbed hold of my shoulder, spun me around, and successfully and forcefully launched her fucking knee at my balls, bringing me to my knees. “Don’t fucking call me a bitch,” she whispered lowly next to my ear as she bent over me. 

“Was that really necessary?” I questioned, my voice barely cooperating as I very slowly brought myself back to my feet, wincing from the shooting pains radiating in my groin.

Bella then turned back and narrowed her eyes at me once again. My hands instinctively flew south to protect the goods. “Your hair smells good. What shampoo are you using?”

What the fuck? Was this chick for real? My mouth gaped as I studied her for a minute then went to my bedroom without a word. First, she nearly knocks my ass out by mistaking my head for a door, then she knees me in the balls for calling a bitch, which I’d only called her that as a joke to begin with, and then she turns around seconds later and asks what kind of fucking shampoo I used? As I said before, Bella was freaking unpredictable and I was now even more nervous than before about what would not only come from today, but from our weird friendship as well. 

It was the strangest thing to me. I fucking grew up with that girl, up until we turned thirteen. Back then, I’d known her like the back of my hand. I literally knew everything about her, even some things that would freak her the fuck out if she knew I knew. But now, while it was definitely her, I didn’t know the first fucking thing about her. All I knew was what I’d learned since last night. She had a smart mouth, took no shit, and packed a punch, both with her knee and her fist. Oh, and she’d now seen me fucking naked, albeit it was unintentional. 

Once I’d managed to get dressed, I hurried back to the kitchen, where I had left her. I found her instead, walking around the living room, looking at pictures that adorned my walls and shelves. Pictures that I should have taken down long ago but never could find the heart to. Pictures from the last point in my life I could remember being happy; the day I opened up the practice with Dad. 

I wasn’t even sure anymore whether or not I was still fucking allowed to call him Dad. I quickly turned my attention away from the pictures and glanced at Bella. “You want something to drink before we head out, Doll?” 

“Huh?” she questioned, shaking her head. She had obviously zoned out. “No, actually, I brought you a bit of a peace offering for having woke you up so early this morning. There are a few donuts and a muffin in the bag. I got you a cup of coffee too, but it’s black because I didn’t know how you liked yours.”

“No shit?” I exclaimed. Call me a fucking pansy but this was the first time anyone had brought me breakfast just for the fuck of it. That and it sure as hell beat my usual of juice and eggs. “You know I was only bullshitting when I referred to you as a bitch, right?”

“Nope, I’m a bitch, Eddie. I’ll be one of the first to admit that fact, but just because I am one doesn’t make it okay for others to call me out as such.”

I shook my head at her and laughed to myself. Unpredictable…in every form of the word.

“So, does everyone know yet?”

“Know what?”

“That their day is about to go to shit,” I mumbled as I grabbed at the bag of food Bella had placed on my counter.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that, Edward. I’ve laid down everything to Emmett, and he’s in the process of telling everyone right now. I told him last night that if anybody has a problem with it or starts any shit, they can leave. I don’t want to start anything with any of you, but I won’t have this picking sides bullshit. I want to be around you, and I want to be around them as well. If they have a problem with it, no one is forcing them to be there.”

“You don’t realize exactly what you’ve come home to, Doll. The people that we were when you and Charlie first left…those people are fucking gone,” I told her with a wry chuckle and began to fix my coffee.

“Emmett told me quite a bit about what’s gone on the past couple of years, but as I told you last night, all I’ve heard is his side and I can’t help but think that his side isn’t accurate to what really went down. And you don’t have to tell me that you guys aren’t the same; I picked up on that shit just by talking to Alice on the phone the past couple of months. I’m not going to push you into telling me anything, Edward. That’s not why I’m here, okay?”

“I don’t think that’s why you’re here, Doll. I just want you be prepared and know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m not going to pull you one way or the other, but I can’t say the same for the rest of the family. They’ll do everything they can to keep you from being around me. To them, I’m nothing but a low-life thug that just so happens to fucking share their last name.”

With that, I put the lid back on my coffee, grabbed the bag Bella brought to go, and gestured to her with my head that I was ready to go. Bella arched a brow at me and put her hand against my chest, stopping me in my path. “And you believe them, don’t you?” she asked, her voice softening.

“What’s there to believe, Bella? It’s what I am.” I quickly side-stepped her and made my way out to her truck before she could argue. “You drove all the way from Louisiana in this fucking death trap?” 

I needed to change the subject. The conversation we had been about to start in the house was not a good place for me to go. I didn’t like talking about it anymore than my family liked having me around. It was nothing against Bella, but it all goes back to my trust issues and not letting anyone in. 

That, and it’s not like I was pulling something out of my ass with the whole truck being a death trap thing; the fucker was ancient. Bella unlocked the doors and glared at me as I climbed in beside her.

“One, don’t call my fucking truck a death trap because it’s not. I’ll have you know that she drives just fine and got me here with no trouble whatsoever. Also, don’t think I didn’t notice how quickly you changed the subject. I’ll let it go for now because you obviously don’t want to talk about it, but for the record, even after hearing Emmett’s bullshit, I don’t think that of you and I honestly don’t see how they could either, regardless of what you’ve supposedly done.” Bella then started up the dinosaur she called a truck and turned to look at me as she pulled out of the driveway. “Thanks for washing that rank ass funk off too, which by the way, the little stunt you pulled at the front door…don’t do that shit again. I think you fucking scarred me for life.”

I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off at that. “Don’t even try to pretend you didn’t pop a glance because I fucking saw you. It’s not like you’d never seen a naked man before, right?”

“Uh, Eddie, I’m going to pretend you never started that conversation because that’s just all kinds of fucked up. Are you trying to give me nightmares? Tell me you don’t answer the door like that on a regular basis.”

“Oh yeah, cause answering the door with my junk hanging out totally gets the mailman off…shit,” I answered rolling my eyes. 

“And you say I’m a bitch?” she laughed.

“I can’t fucking believe you kneed me in the balls. Charlie obviously taught you well.”

“Actually, it wasn’t Charlie, believe it or not. He taught me how to handle a gun, but the self-defense came from some other guys at the station. Whoever happened to be around when I got off work posed as my teacher.”

“You worked at the station?” I questioned, praying to whoever the fuck was up there that she wasn’t a fucking cop.

“Yeah, I was more or less Charlie’s assistant slash receptionist. Things got pretty busy with drug crimes, murders and shit that he couldn’t handle all the paperwork and stuff on his own. He brought me in to help and before you ask, no, I’m not a damn cop. I didn’t actually do any training at an academy or anything like that.”

“Cops actually have receptionists? Damn, did you get paid well?”

“Actually, no. I made triple what Charlie paid me in tips from the bar, and quadruple that from what I earned while my bakery was open.”

This girl got more and more complicated as I learned about her. What else could she possibly have hidden in her sleeve that I didn’t yet know about?

“Okay, hold up, Doll. Explain something to me, how the hell do you go from being a receptionist to the Chief of Police, to…what did you do at the bar?”

“I was a bartender.”

“Fuck, so you were a receptionist, a bartender, and now you’re telling me that you owned a fucking bakery? What else do you have under your belt?”

“I believe what’s under my belt is my business, Eddie, and just you, someone I look to as a brother, asking something like that creeps me the fuck out.”

“You know damn good and well that wasn’t what I was implying; contrary to popular belief, incest isn’t my thing, Doll.” 

“Contrary to…you mean people actually think you…never mind. I don’t even want to fucking know.”

 

**C&B**

 

Sometime later, Bella finally pulled the dinosaur up along the curb of a cute, red brick house. And I can’t fucking believe I used the word cute to describe it. Before I could even open my door, I noticed my very angry sister making a mad dash towards the truck. 

“Shit, Bella, I told you this wasn’t a good idea,” I muttered as I hung my head in defeat. My heart twisted in my chest, still weak even with the fortress I’d built around it. No matter how hard I tried to block it out, my family’s anger and resentment for me always brought me to a low. Nothing could make me feel as small as the criticisms and shit they threw at me.

“What?” Bella asked as I pointed out the window. I watched as Bella’s eyes widened and then set in determination as she got out of the truck, slamming the door shut. I wasn’t sure whether to be afraid or try to fucking talk her out of whatever she was about to do. 

I didn’t have time to think about it for long because Alice pounded her fucking small ass fists against the window, shouting at me. “What the fuck are you doing here? I warned you, you piece of shit!”

I couldn’t look at her. I just set my eyes to focus straight ahead, fighting the tears that threatened to spill. The screaming continued only for a second before I willed myself to tune it out. She wasn’t screaming anything at me that I hadn’t heard hundreds of times before, and if Alice was this pissed off, I knew Emmett and Jasper would be double that. And what fucking sucked was that due to Bella and I’s bickering at each other, I’d flat fucking forgotten to grab a few pills to get me through the day. 

I was completely fucked, and it was highly possible that I’d lose my cool and show Bella the not so pleasant side of me, the side I was sure Emmett had warned her about.

I knew that it was only a matter of time before Bella was spewing the same insults at me. 

I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind and turned my attention to the confrontation just outside the passenger side door. Bella was letting Alice have it and seeing that made me feel like a big piece of fucking shit. She had just moved back to town, was–from what I could tell–elated to be back with us again. Yet, instead of being able to enjoy her reunion with us, she was stuck in the middle of this shit storm that I had fucking caused. I had already made everyone who had once cared about me fucking miserable, and now, Bella was going to inevitably be drug down as well. 

I couldn’t help it. Despite how much I wished I could tell her to fuck off and forget about me, that I wasn’t worth her time, I couldn’t. It was obvious to me that no matter what I said to her, Bella wouldn’t back off without a fight. And that fucking sucked. I didn’t want to watch someone else’s heart break and life fall apart because they’d wasted time with my sorry ass. Would I ever intentionally put her in danger? Fuck no, but Bella’s life being in danger would be unavoidable just for simply being an acquaintance of mine. Not to mention that the drugs were something she shouldn’t be subjected to. 

Having had enough, and deciding that it was time for me to get out of the truck and face the fucking music, I opened the door and was shocked to find that Bella was now in Alice’s face.

“You listen to me, dammit. I’m not forcing anyone to makeup, but I wanted Edward here. I invited him here and if you or anyone else has a problem, no one is making you stay. If you don’t want to talk to him, fine, I’m not saying you have to, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you dictate to me who I can and cannot associate with, or who can and cannot help me move in! Now, you know I love you, Alice; you’re my sister, but I refuse to do this. As I told Emmett, I’m not choosing sides, so don’t make me.”

Bella’s chest was heaving with anger as she stared Alice down. Alice glared at me over her shoulder and for the first time ever–that I’d seen anyway–she turned and walked away without uttering a single word. Bella then fixed her eyes on me and her shoulders slumped. I started to suggest that she just take me home, that I wasn’t worth all this turmoil but she narrowed her eyes at me.

“Stop right fucking there, Eddie. I’m not taking you home. This is my house and I make the rules. I want you here; I’m not letting anyone tell me how to live my fucking life. Now, are you ready to get to work?”

“Who are you and what the hell happened to the Bella I used to know?” I asked her with wide eyes, not believing she was the same person.

“That Bella is gone. She grew up way too fucking fast and was exposed to the dark side of life in the worst way. Trust me, she isn’t coming back.”

Well, if I wasn’t intrigued by her before, I sure as fuck was now. And what confused the shit out of me was the overwhelming feeling of protectiveness that settled over me. If I found out that someone had fucking hurt her, I’d hunt the son of a bitch down. No one fucked with Bella; that was something that would never change. Just like when we were kids, the asshole would have to answer to me. Somehow, someway, I was going to have to try and get her to open up to me because if anyone knew about growing up too fast or being exposed to the dark side of life, it would be me. The only problem was…I never found my way out of the dark side, and with the way my life was now, I never would.


	8. Chapter 7

BPOV

Things were significantly worse than I expected. There wasn’t just drama between Edward and everyone else. Drama was a huge understatement; the family was downright fucking hateful to him. It made me sick and really fucking pissed me off.

Edward literally stuck to me like glue, not that it bothered me because it didn’t. 

Alice’s abominably bitchy display out on my front lawn had not only crossed a line, but it had deeply affected Edward. He hadn’t said anything to me about it, but he didn’t need to–it was written all over his face and set in his mannerisms. He glanced at me for a brief moment, and as he attempted to make eye contact with Alice, she fucking bitched at him for even looking her way so he’d averted his gaze toward the front porch. There he found Emmett with his arms folded across his chest, glaring fiercely at him. Carlisle just looked on and shook his head in disapproval, disgust upon his face. Esme cried and refused to look at him, and Jasper stood straight-faced, almost as if he had no opinion or response. 

Seeing that this was how they truly treated him, it made my stomach clench and my heart ache for the pain he had endure by their hands. That wasn’t to say that they hadn’t suffered from Edward’s condition, but I knew deep in my heart that had it have been one of them struggling with an addiction such as Edward’s, he’d have never turned his back on them and treated them so dispicably. Despite his problems, Edward’s heart was gold, and for me, that was easy to see. Why his own parents and siblings couldn’t was beyond me. 

Edward heavily sighed beside me and started to fidget with his fingers. “Hey, don’t go getting all fucking soft on me now, okay? Come on, let’s go inside and start unpacking.” I then looped my arm through his and started to kind of do this skippy thing across the yard.

“Hold up, Doll,” Edward said with a chuckle. “They already know I’m a drug addicted thug, the last thing I want is them believing me to be a fucking fairy, okay? Stop with the damn skipping.”

“Quit deprecating yourself, please? And just because you’re afraid of what everyone will think of you skipping across my yard doesn’t mean you have to rain on my parade. Have a little fun, Eddie!” I was actually happy now, having everyone in the same place, regardless of all the tension and animosity buzzing around us. 

I pulled Edward with me onto the front porch where the gang seemed to form a wall, blocking the entrance to my house. That shit was not fucking happening.

“Excuse me, Carlisle, Emmett, we need to get through,” I gritted out as Edward took my hand and began to grip it fiercely.

“And we’ll be happy to let you pass after we search him,” Carlisle spoke calmly, looking directly at Edward, who sighed heavily and released my hand, ready to assume whatever position. Apparently this was a normal thing to have happen.

“Search?” I guffawed. “Are you fucking kidding me? This is a joke, right?” I laughed disbelievingly as I darted my eyes from Emmett, to Carlisle, then to Edward. “You’re actually going to stand there, blocking the entrance to my house and forbid us from going anything further until you what? Scope him out for what you think he might have on him? Humiliate him in front of any passer-by and any neighbor that just so happens to be looking out their windows? Get over yourself. It’s not happening here, or anywhere else for that matter! Edward’s done nothing but show up with me to help us unpack my stuff. There’s nothing on him, and even if there was, it’s none of your business. You all are on my property, and I’m not going to allow that shit here. So I say again, excuse us!”

Carlisle still wouldn’t move, and instead, had the audacity to look disappointedly at me. “Bella, I may have tolerated your outburst yesterday, but not this time. You have no idea what you’re talking about, and you know that your father would not approve of your beh…”

“My father would be proud of me for standing up for what I believe is right. What you’re doing to Edward is not. He hasn’t even spoken a single word, and you all are ready to jump on him with accusations! And I do know what’s going on. In fact, I pretty much know everything and to be quite honest, I know a hell of a lot more about what’s going on with Edward than you may think,” I answered angrily as I caught Edward’s eyes narrow into thin slits out of the corner of my eye. Carlisle stood wide-eyed. “I apologized for yesterday, but I won’t apologize for this. I’ve done nothing wrong, and neither has Edward. If you can’t handle being around him, then by all means, leave and we’ll do it on our own, but don’t you dare try to prevent me from entering my own home.”

I then cast my eyes over onto Alice and Emmett who both looked furious. “And I’m warning you two now; don’t try to come at me about this, because I won’t listen to it. I arrived home to find you all waiting to pounce on us and Alice making a beeline for my fucking truck like a damn maniac, and for what? All because I invited your brother, your son, over to help me move in. Why the fuck am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?” 

Without another word, I strongly grasped Edward’s hand and pulled him behind me as I pushed past Carlisle and into my house. As I made it to the back room, I released his hand and leaned back against the wall beside the door frame, resting my hands on my knees and taking in a deep breath.

“I wish you would have listened to me, Doll. I’m not worth it. This shit with Mom and Dad, Alice and Emmett wouldn’t even be fucking happening if it weren’t for me. I don’t want to be the reason that they turn their back on you; I’ve ruined enough lives already.”

“God dammit! Eddie, knock that shit off! This isn’t your fault! It’s theirs. If they would just get the fuck over themselves, grow a pair and agree to work together, everything would be fine. The problem is that they want to run the show, and they think that because they have this animosity with you, that I should just bow down and shun you too. It’s not going to happen. I’ve spent more of my life than I care to remember letting someone else tell me what to do, letting someone else run my life. I’m done with it.”

“Okay, I can understand that, but maybe you should just take me home. All I’m going to do is make it harder on you today, and I don’t want to do that. Besides, I forgot my fucking stash so when I need a fix, I’ll be fucked,” he said with nervousness as he raked a hand through his hair.

“Then you’ll take my truck to go and get a fix, but I really don’t want to bring you home. To do that would be letting them win. They’ve made it clear they don’t want you here, and I refuse to give in.”

“Bella, why are you doing this? You’re blatantly fighting against them when you know damn good and well that all of the anger and hurt they feel is because of me.”

“True as that may be, Edward, you are still family, and you always will be. I don’t agree with the way they’ve completely shut you out, and I don’t like the way they treat you. That and…well, I know exactly what it’s like for you,” I whispered as he came to stand beside me.

“Am I to assume you’ll tell me what you fucking mean by that later?” he ground out, pressing his palm against his forehead in frustration.

“Assume what you want. Now are you gonna help me unpack or what?”

“I’m going to say something now, and I hope you don’t decide to nail me in the balls again, but not only are you fucking bitchy, you’re bossy as all hell.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Bossy? That’s the best you could come up with?” I chuckled with a shake of my head. “I just don’t fuck around; that’s all. Listen, in all seriousness, if it gets to a point where you just can’t take any more of their shit and want to go home, I’ll take you, okay? I just don’t want to do it for the sole purpose of making it easier on them.”

“So, do you think it would be a bad idea to go and do a line on your kitchen counter where all the world can see?”

I immediately stood ramrod straight and glared at him. Just as I was about to argue and threaten the bastard, he took me off guard and completely blindsided me. A crooked smile stretched across his face as he softly laughed and shook his head. My heart stopped for a moment from the sheer beauty of it, and I prayed I do that more often. 

After only one day of reuniting, I was officially giving up on the like-a-brother reference I’d always used with him, because ladies and gents, I was one hundred percent fucked. And the worst part about that was, I was in no way ready for these feelings, much less a fucking attraction. 

Oh, and speaking of attraction, that shit that he pulled earlier on his fucking doorstep…Holy dick! Seriously, how was that for a morning wake-up call…well it wasn’t really a call, but you catch the damn drift. I may have stormed off of his porch and turned away as fast as I could with a ridiculously dramatic outburst, but inside, that was so not the case. I happened to make the mistake of seizing the opportunity and popped a glance. Fuck, all I could think about upon sight of his massive, semi-hard cock was how he tasted. What it would feel like to have that monster fucking pounding into me, preferably from behind. Thoughts that never should have found their way into my sick and twisted mind. But now they were there, and there wasn’t shit I could do about it. 

The man’s body was a work of art, and after having seen that beautiful, yet deadly, crooked smile of his, I would never be able to look at him the same way again. I needed to avoid seeing him in any state of undress whenever possible. Call me fucking crazy for thinking that way, but I’d been through enough shit and the last thing I needed while attempting to help him through this shit storm of a life he lived now, was to add the desire to fuck his brains out to it. I refused to add my fucked up baggage to the load he carried on his shoulders.

That and Charlie would ground me for the rest of my life. 

Don’t laugh; he’d fucking do it in a heartbeat, and yes, I’d actually go along with it. Daddy’s girl…fucking sue me.

“Bella!” Edward’s yell startled me from my thoughts.

“What the hell? I’m right here, dammit, you ain’t got to yell at me!” I exclaimed, rubbing my hands against my jeans to try and shake the uncomfortable thoughts from my mind.

“Really? I didn’t notice,” he said with heavy sarcasm. “I’ve been sitting here trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. Where the hell did you go?”

“N-nowhere,” I stuttered as he looked at me with skepticism.

“What box do you want to start with first?”

“Actually, I just came in here so we could have a moment without them jumping all over our asses. Let’s start in the kitchen.”

“Okay, but I’m just going to put it out there that if we get to unpacking your bathroom or bedroom, I’m not touching your fucking hygiene, girly shit with a ten foot pole.”

I laughed loudly and playfully clapped the back of his shoulder. “Dually noted. Didn’t take you for a bitch though, Eddie.”

“Mind clarifying how that makes me a bitch?”

“We’re only a few years shy of thirty, man. Being that squeamish with just a simple box of feminine products screams adolescent, high school pussy,” I answered with a shrug of my shoulders as we entered the kitchen.

“That’s fucked up,” he laughed. “If you were a man, I’d so beat your fucking ass for calling me a pussy.”

“You are what you eat.” I smiled and winked as I started to open the box marked plates and glasses.

“And that’s my cue to shut the fuck up. You have no idea how fucking disturbing it is to have heard that come from your mouth in reference to me,” he groaned, grimacing as he braced one arm against a cabinet and lazily thumped his head down against it.

“Hey, slacker, you going to actually help me unpack this box or are you going to sit there and whine all damn day?” I asked as I unwrapped a bundle of plates.

Edward wryly smiled and arched a brow at me as he bent over and grabbed another wrapped cluster of plates from the box. “I think now’s as good a time as any to iron out exactly how you’re going to repay me for helping you today.”

“Oh, you’re funny.”

“I wasn’t joking.” He dead-panned.

“Well, sex is off limits.”

He groaned loudly and cursed under his breath. “Can you please stop talking about sex and everything dirty? That includes jokes. It’s fucking with my mind and creeping me out.”

“Never took you for a prude.”

“Stop it,” he gritted, eyes wide with emphasis.

“Okay, okay, in all seriousness, what would you want?”

“You said you owned a bakery, yeah?”

I nodded as I reached for more in the box. 

“I think a batch of cookies or muffins would suffice.”

“Really? You want me to bake for you?” I smiled and stopped what I was doing. “You’re actually asking to sample my goodies?”

“All right!” he shouted, laughing through it as he slapped his palm against the counter. “I warned you once. One more smart ass, perverted fucking comment, and I’m calling a cab and getting the fuck out of here.”

“I couldn’t resist! You totally set that one up! Geez, fucking relax, Eddie! I’m just messing with your ass…wait, you’d probably like that wouldn’t you?”

His glare was not friendly in any sense of the word. 

“I’m sorry! I swear, I’ll stop…I’m stopping now. I promise I’ll make something for you, okay? “

“Thank you.”

Our conversation sort of waned for a few minutes after as we became obsessed with unpacking the boxes. Right as we tossed the first empty box aside and started opening a new one, Emmett walked in, hesitation in his step.

“Hey, Bella, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Emmett, anything you need to say can be said in front of Edward.”

There was a moment of intense back and forth eye contact between he and Edward before Emmett cleared his throat and buried his hands in his pockets.

“I’m sorry about the ugly display outside. You didn’t deserve that, and you were right, neither of you had done anything. Last night, I promised to try and so far, I haven’t. I talked to everyone outside and we’re in agreement to try and put everything aside , at least for the day, to help you get moved in. Just tell us where you want us.”

“Emmett, you don’t have to apologize. We were all angry, but I didn’t appreciate the attempt to keep me out of my own house. Just make sure that Carlisle understands that because it was big button he pushed. As for where I want you, it doesn’t matter where you go. Edward and I can handle the kitchen. It’s up to you all what room you guys want to tackle. But please, whatever you do, let Esme handle my bathroom and bedroom. I don’t want to find the crack fairy having a party with my makeup and lingerie later.”

Both Edward and Emmett let out a loud groan of objection to my choice of words.

“My ears!” Emmett exclaimed with a dreadful laugh, simultaneously wincing before walking out of the room.

I glanced at Edward whose eyes were narrowed at me as he unwrapped a few glasses.

“What?! I didn’t say anything perverted or anything with sexual innuendo!”

“Lingerie isn’t perverted?” he questioned with an arched brow. “FYI, when it comes to women, Doll, lingerie is about as perverted and sexual as you can get. Our minds work differently so please, try to refrain from giving me those mental images.”

“Would it help if I said granny panties instead?”

“Oh fuck, Bella, that’s shit’s worse! No, it doesn’t help. Now more than ever, you really do talk too fucking much.”

“Bitch, bitch, bitch…is that all you know how to fucking do?”

“Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black,” he replied, giving me that crooked smile again.

And just like that, my knees buckled.

“Damn, you okay?” Edward questioned, looking on in concern as I gripped the countertop to hold myself upright.

“Just got a little lightheaded, I’ll be fine.”

“Have you eaten anything this morning?”

“No. I just went and got that stuff for you. All I’ve had is a cup of coffee,” I answered, bowing my head between my shoulders and taking a moment to compose myself. I was surprised at how easily he believed the little white lie I’d just given him. I didn’t necessarily like lying, but it was fucking better than telling him the truth, in this case at least.

“Well that explains it. Your blood sugar is probably low, and obviously, the years have done nothing for you in regards to watching that shit carefully.”

Holy shit!

“You actually remember that?” I asked, raising my head and looking at him in wonderment. The incident I was referring to was back when I was ten. My blood sugar had severely dropped, and after going into seizures out in the Cullens’ back yard, Alice, Edward, and Emmett had been made to keep me company at the hospital.

Edward’s eyes softened. “Of course I remember that. Because of you and your negligence to your health, Em and I missed the fucking Super Bowl.”

I knew he was just jacking with me, so we laughed as I smacked his arm. “You’re such an ass, Cullen! I’ll have you know that I do watch it closely, I just wasn’t thinking this morning.”

“Well, do you have anything to eat here?”

“No. I haven’t had a chance to go get groceries or anything as I just got here yesterday.” And then it dawned on me. “Oh, wait! The food from the cookout yesterday…we put it in Tupperware containers in the fridge!”

“You’re fucking kidding me, right? You’re going to eat barbecue for breakfast?” he questioned, his expression twisting comically.

“You have a better suggestion, Einstein? That’s all I fucking have here. Unless you have any of that muffin left in the truck,” I told him, cocking my brow at him as he stared at me straight-faced, as though I’d committed a crime by even thinking of touching his muffin.

“You want me to give you my muffin?”

And he gave me shit about sexual innuendos? 

“We can share the fucking muffin, okay? And when I go get groceries, I’ll make you a huge fucking batch. How’s that sound?”

“Duncan Hines Blueberry,” he told me with a wink.

“Oh, no,” I laughed. “Eddie, dear, everything that comes from my kitchen is made from scratch. Now, please be a sweetheart and go fetch the muffin for me?”

“Okay, Doll, I was willing up until you referred to me as a damn dog. Do you see a fucking tail wagging?”

“Not all dogs have tails, jackass. Seriously, Edward, please, will you go get it? I’m getting dizzy as hell and really not feeling too good.”

“Shit, where are the keys?”

“They’re in my pocket, but the doors are unlocked.”

Edward quickly turned and walked out. It took a moment to hit me, but when it did, I wanted to kick my own ass. I’d just sent him out there with the pack of wolves, and I just fucking knew that they were going to jump him the first chance they got. They being Alice in particular.

About ten minutes passed, and after hearing a bit of a commotion, Edward finally came walking in without a bag, his hands tucked in the back pockets of his jeans and his head down.

“What happened?” I asked him lowly.

“The muffin is no more. I had it, Alice saw the bag. She fucking accused me of actually stashing my pills inside of it. She tore the damn thing apart before letting me get past her. Look, if it’s okay with you, I’ll take your truck and go get you something to eat.”

I quickly crossed the room to him and waited for him to make eye contact before speaking quietly. “You can take my truck, that’s not a problem at all, but here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to go home and get your fix because I can see that you’re starting to crave it, and I’ll give you a small list of things that you can get for me at the store on the way back. That way, when you get here, the excuse I’ll have given them for you leaving will make sense. While you’re gone, I’ll deal with Alice.”

“I still don’t understand how the fuck you can talk about my problem like it’s nothing and be okay with it. It’s going to be fucking refreshing having you around, Doll.”

“Yeah, you might regret that later.” I smiled at him as he smirked and then completely took me off guard by slowly sliding his hand into my jeans pocket and grabbing hold of my keys. My jaw dropped and my eyes narrowed.

“What? You’re the one that told me to fetch,” he replied, crookedly smiling, again, and walked out. 

If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought he knew damn good and well what that smile was doing to me and was using it to his advantage. But that wasn’t possible because if it were true, that would mean he was flirting and purposely driving me crazy. And, oh my fucking God, the throbbing in my girly bits only served to remind me that come hell or high water, I needed to find my battery operated purple friend before the night ended. If I didn’t get some kind of relief soon, I was going to fucking combust.

Desperately needing a distraction, I squared my shoulders and quickly popped my knuckles. Yelling at Edward was one thing, but what Alice had done just a few moments ago was far from okay and completely fucking intrusive. She had no right to go after him like that, and she ruined a fucking perfectly good muffin. I soon found her out on the front porch, laughing it up with Jasper like nothing had happened. It was becoming more and more apparent to me that out of everyone in the family, Alice was the one who held the most resentment and hate for Edward. The why was something I needed to figure out because right now, it just didn’t make any sense. As kids, she would always tell me how she felt closer to Edward than she did Emmett. She didn’t really ever elaborate any more than that, so I just took it at face value.

As I stepped onto the porch, the laughter instantly died, and she focused her eyes out over the front lawn. 

“Who in the hell do you think you are?” I bit out.

“Excuse me? I could ask you the same question, Bella. Since you’ve shown up here, all you’ve done is ridicule each one of us for our resentment towards that piece of shit! You don’t know the first thing about what we’ve been through or about the kind of monster he really is!”

“I may not know every single detail, but I know enough. I haven’t ridiculed, either. I’ve simply told you all that I want Edward around, and that if any of you can’t handle that, you’re more than welcome to leave. I’m not going to force you all to be around each other, but I refuse to shun him out of my life just because it makes you uncomfortable or because you think him to be a low-life thug. And what’s sad is that you’ve actually fucking convinced him of that fact. What you did out here a moment ago was over the line and fucking bullshit, Alice,” I snarled. She simply glared back at me. “I sent Edward out here to get me a muffin from my truck because my blood sugar was low. You would think that he could manage that without being fucking harassed, but obviously not. You jumped all over him with bogus, and humiliating, accusations of having stashed drugs inside of the fucking pastry! And then you went as far as to completely destroy it out of what? Spite?!”

“Who’s side are you on, Bella? Why are you so quick to jump to his defense? I mean, can’t you at least try to see our side of things?” she angrily cried, wiping at her eyes as Jasper stood to the side.

“I never once said that I was on one side or the other. Believe me, I know that you all have hurt and suffered from his apparent addiction, but I can’t–and won’t–bring myself to disowning and completely casting him aside as though he were nothing. Despite his problems, he’s still a part of the small group which I consider my family, as are all of you. I’m going to do whatever I can to be there for him and help him, which from what I’ve seen so far seems to be something none of you could be bothered with. I still want to get to know you all again, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be blasted just because I’m associating with Edward.”

“Well, it’s not that easy, Bella. You’re going to have a make a decision because you can’t have both. It’s either Edward, or me…your choice,” she hissed. The fucking crack fairy hissed!

“I told you, no one tells me what to do, and you’re fucking crazy if you think for one second that I’m going to let you push or manipulate me into picking a side. Today could have been drama-free had you have been willing to keep your trap shut and just let bygone be bygones for a few hours. He didn’t do a fucking thing to anybody since he’s been here, Alice! Hell, he was too fucking afraid to even look any of you in the damn eye! Everyone seems to be willing to cooperate; they just stay out of each other’s way, but you? You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

“I don’t have to take this shit from you, Bella. You don’t know the first fucking thing about what I’ve been through because of him!” she screamed at me, pounding her fist into the one of the rail posts on the porch.

“Oh trust me, twinkle toes, I’d love to hear what you’ve been through because the way I heard it, you cared so much about your fucking professional reputation that you completely washed your hands of your own brother without a moment’s hesitation!” 

Alice’s eyes widened with rage as she, in the blink of an eye, raised her hand in attempt to slap me but I caught her at the last moment, glaring back, daring her to try it again. “Don’t even try me,” I threatened and released her hand.

Jasper came up behind Alice and pulled her against him. “Ali, darlin’, stop. I don’t agree with everything you’ve said, Bella, but Ali, you did go a bit far earlier with the muffin. We all just need to stop and take a deep breath before y’all say something you’ll regret later.”

“It’s too late for that, Jazz. Bella just made it perfectly clear where she stands, and that’s with Edward. As long as he’s involved, there’s no room for me. And Bella, when you’re left balling your eyes out and your life is in ruin because of that piece of shit, don’t fucking bother calling me because all I’ll say is that I fucking told you so. And had I have known you had turned into such a bitch, I never would have welcomed you back.”

Before I could say anything in response, she turned on her heel, got into her car, and peeled out away from the curb.

I could see Jasper wanted to say something, and instead of sticking around to hear about how badly I’d just fucked up my relationship with Alice, I walked back into the house and went back to unpacking. I refused to cry. I wasn’t going to let her get to me. 

I could only hope that once things settled down, and we’d had time to cool off, that she would come to her senses and be willing to talk things over calmly. But there would be no reconciling until she made peace with the fact that Edward was part of my life now, and nothing she could say would change that.

Sometime later, I heard plastic bags in the kitchen, but I couldn’t be bothered to lift my head and look in that direction. Edward was back, and if he learned exactly how badly things went, he’d only feel worse about himself and demand I take him home. 

I continued unpacking, acting none the wiser, for a good while before I finally felt him come up beside me and lean against the counter, his arms folded over his chest.

“Need a cigarette?” he asked gruffly.

“Do I need one? Yes. Do I have one? No. Do I have time for it? Not right now.”

“Well, Doll, it turns out that I have one, and you’re going to make fucking time for it.”

“Don’t fucking push it right now, Eddie,” I warned him as I reached down to grab a couple more wrapped glasses. Edward caught my wrist midway and pulled me back up, forcing me to look at him.

“We’re going outside, and you’re going to talk to me over a cigarette. Right fucking now.”

I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wasn’t dicking around and wasn’t going to let go of whatever crawled up his ass until I talked to him.

“Oh really?” I glared at him.

“You’re going to start by telling me just what the fuck happened while I was gone, and then you’re going to explain why Jasper congratulated me on having found someone stupid enough to fight for my pathetic ass.”

Fuck my life.


	9. Chapter 8

EPOV

Pulling back up to Bella’s and finding Jasper staring a fucking hole in me, Alice’s car gone and the rest of my family watching out of the bedroom windows, I instantly knew that something had gone down. And considering that Bella was absent from sight meant that she definitely had something to do with it. Hell, she’d had something to do with fucking everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. 

I’d heard her mention that she was going to deal with Alice while I was gone, but honestly, I didn’t really think she’d fucking do it. Or at least, I didn’t think it would be so bad that the freaking fairy would leave. I didn’t like the feeling that all of this was putting in my gut. I had enough shit to deal with in regards to my family without Bella around making things worse. I knew she meant well, but all it was doing was stirring the pot and nothing good was ever going to come from it. Of course, at the same time, I wasn’t even sure that things could get any worse. 

As I got out of the truck and grabbed the bags from the bed, I heard Jasper scoff on the porch, apparently finding either humor or aggravation in the fact that I’d gone and bought Bella some groceries. And in regard to the groceries, that small list she’d given me? Yeah, I totally didn’t abide by it. I footed the bill and bought her a full round of groceries. That would probably shock anyone that fucking knew me because I didn’t even buy a full cart for myself, which was why my fridge at home was literally bare and my kitchen was littered with various Little Debbie wrappers. 

Once I stepped foot on the porch steps, both hands loaded down with bags, Jasper moved directly into my path and glared at me. 

“Well, isn’t that convenient? Bella gives you the keys to her truck and asks you to get her groceries. How much cash did you pocket for drugs, Edward?”

“Contrary to popular belief, Jazz, I’m not a fucking thief. If you must know, I footed the entire bill for the groceries. What? You wanna go through my bags and open all the boxes in place of my sister? Because I can promise you, there’s fucking nothing here. It’s all at home, dammit, and pulling this shit at Bella’s on a day that we’re all supposed to be helping her is low,” I rasped, moving past him.

“Yeah, speaking of, congratulations on convincing your sister’s best friend to fucking stand up for your pathetic ass,” he bit out, his voice heavily laced with venom.

The words stung as they always did and stopped me in my tracks just for a moment. I couldn’t let it get to me. Of course, I said that shit to myself all the time, but it didn’t make a bit of difference. It hurt down to the core all the same, each and every time. For the longest time, Jasper had been my best friend and for a while, when all this shit first started, he was on my side, but little by little, Alice and my father turned him against me. Eventually, they turned Rose, Emmett, and my mother against me too. So when I’d told Bella that having her around would be refreshing, I hadn’t been lying. The only problem I was now facing would be whether I could continue to let her be near me. All I would do was bring her down. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it would happen eventually. 

I wasn’t sure what I would find when I entered the kitchen, but what saw fucking filled me with rage for my bitch of a sister. Bella stood, still unpacking, only she was slamming dishes and her fucking chin was quivering. I could tell just from looking at her and watching her actions that she was fighting tears and that shit was not okay with me. After all that she had done so far in defense of me, seeing her upset like this hit me hard. 

And it only reinforced my reasoning behind not wanting her to be near me. I’d only been reunited with her since last night, but already my fucked up life was taking a toll on her. I refused to watch my life destroy someone else’s. As my father had once said, I was nothing but poison to those around me. That had never rung truer than it fucking did at the moment. 

I knew Bella heard me come in as she paused for a half second, but she wouldn’t fucking look at me. If I wasn’t so fucking afraid of the ramifications, I would have tried to pull her into my arms and hug her against me, but doing so would be like opening myself up to being hurt and drug through the fucking mud again. Not that she’d ever fucking done that to me, but someone else had and I wasn’t fucking going there again or making myself vulnerable to that kind of pain again. 

That and I was still trying to come across to her in a ‘I only think of you as a sister’ kind of way, which I think had been working pretty fucking well so far. No thanks to her though; that little shit had been throwing perverted and suggestive comments all damn day and it wasn’t fucking helping my case at all. 

Sighing heavily and deciding that I needed to get to the bottom of what the fuck had happened, and also needing to pull her aside and try to make her understand why things were the way they were, I dropped the bags and walked around the side of the counter. I moved to lean against the counter beside her and watched her for a moment. She continued to put things away, anger in her every move. Her eyes shined with unshed tears and her chin still quivered. I’d pretty much come to the fucking conclusion that she wasn’t aware of her body’s betrayal.

“Need a cigarette?” I asked, unable to wait a moment longer.

“Do I need one? Yes. Do I have one? No. Do I have time for it? Not right now.” Well I sure as hell didn’t expect for her actually say yes. I didn’t have a fucking clue that she smoked. In fact, it was a weak attempt at getting her to fucking laugh for me.

“Well, Doll, it turns out that I have one, and you’re going to make fucking time for it,” I answered, not even messing around. If she wanted one, then it gave me the perfect reason to pull her ass outside.

“Don’t fucking push it right now, Eddie,” she warned, glaring at me. I watched as she started to go back to unpacking. I wasn’t having that shit. I was starting to see that she was actually a lot like me. If you wanted her to do something, especially when she was pissed off, you had to get forceful and not take no for an answer. I struck my hand out and caught her wrist. 

As I pulled her back up, I lifted her chin with the fingers of my other hand, forcing her to fucking look at me.

“We’re going outside, and you’re going to talk to me over a cigarette. Right fucking now.”

“Oh really?” she bit out, bitch coming out in full force, but I could see that beneath her tough exterior, she was dying for a break, drowning in the tension, and she fucking needed to get some of this shit off of her chest. I knew I was probably the last fucking person in the world anyone would consider to be a good friend or confidant, but dammit, for some strange, fucked up reason unknown to me, I wanted…no, I needed that to be that person for her. 

Even if it was just for today.

And let’s face it; I needed to know what the hell went down earlier and she was the only one who fucking cared about me enough to tell me. I was lucky if the rest of people I called my family would say two words to me half the fucking time.

“You’re going to start by telling me just what the fuck happened while I was gone, and then you’re going to explain why Jasper congratulated me on having found someone stupid enough to fight for my pathetic ass.”

“Edward, we can’t just fucking disappear right now, no matter how badly we want a cigarette. I’ve already fucked up enough for one day, and to leave them to do all the unpacking while we sit on our asses isn’t right,” she sighed heavily in defeat as her shoulders slumped and she slumped beside me lazily against the counter.

“Doll, I think you’ve earned the fucking right to have a damn cigarette break. Besides, if they notice, they’ll just bitch at me anyway. That’s probably the only good thing about having me around; you’ll never get in fucking trouble because they’ll automatically blame me for everything,” I told her with a wry laugh. 

Bella shook her head at me. “I’ve told you already to quit saying shit like that.”

“Well, it’s the truth. What you said about you having fucked up today was not. I mean it. Come outside and have a smoke with me. Tell me what the fuck happened and then we’ll come back and finish unpacking, okay?”

She then rolled her eyes dramatically at me and turned to walk out her back door. “And you call me bossy?”

“Remember which of it is that is in possession of the cigarettes, Doll,” I quipped; laughing as she muttered something I couldn’t fucking understand under her breath.

“Why don’t we go out on the front porch? I’ve actually got chairs out there.”

“Because Jasper’s out front and right now, I don’t want to deal with his shit,” I replied, pulling my pack and lighter out of my jeans pocket and leaning up against the brick of the house, one leg bent at the knee, bracing myself in a more comfortable position. I then lit two cigs and handed her one of them, which she instantly took a long drag off of.

“So, what the fuck happened, and don’t leave shit out because I’ll know.”

“Hey, I’m not the bad guy here, so don’t go getting all fucking rude and shit, Edward.”

Dammit, would I ever do anything fucking right? “I never said you were, Bella, and I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I just, look, whatever it was pissed you off pretty good and when I walked into that kitchen, you looked close to tears. Something happened, and if Alice…”

“I went too far and in response, she gave me an ultimatum. Obviously, she didn’t like what I said in return.”

Was she fucking kidding me with that horseshit? That didn’t tell me a damn thing. I wasn’t any closer to knowing what happened than I was two minutes ago.

“Okay, Doll, you misunderstood me. When I asked what happened and said we were going to talk, I didn’t mean for you to give me a two sentence summary. I want to know what was said and start from the beginning, if you don’t mind.”

“I fucked up, Eddie. I mean, Alice had it coming after the things she said to you at the truck and then that shit she pulled with the whole muffin thing, but she’s one of my best friends and I completely fucking blew it. Alice is the one that I’ve been in contact with for the past few months now, and she helped me find this house. While I was in Louisiana, she was literally a saint helping me get everything done. She dodged talking about you like the fucking plague. She had no problem telling me about anyone, but when you came up, she wouldn’t tell me shit. Hell, for the longest time I actually feared that you were dead and that she just didn’t know how to tell me. But, then I get here and everyone acted like there was this big fucking secret regarding you that they couldn’t talk about. I got fed up with it because believe it or not, the years have done nothing for my feelings. I still care about you, and them, just as much as I did before. And I hated….I mean I fucking hated that they didn’t even have the decency to invite you yesterday. I um…I overheard Emmett on the phone with you, and I guess he noticed that I was mopey or some shit because he offered to give me your address so I could come see you today.”

“Today? But you came last night, and what does this have to do with what happened with Alice earlier?”

So sue me, patience wasn’t exactly one of my strong suits. 

“I’m getting to that, dammit. Eventually, I couldn’t take the tension and secret glances between everyone so I exploded and told them that I knew they were keeping you and whatever happened from me and that if they couldn’t find it in themselves to fill me in, that they needed to leave their fucking baggage at the door.”

Holy shit! Jesus, this woman had some fucking balls.

“I stormed outside to cool off and Emmett followed me out. He went off on me and we argued for a bit until he promised to tell me what had happened with you. He gave me your address and after he told me everything last night, I couldn’t help it; I had to go and see you. So, since I’ve been here, Edward, it’s been one thing after another, and I’ve literally done nothing but fight with everyone…apart from you. When I went outside to confront Alice after you left, I reamed her for what she’d done and how you were being treated. I told her that she went too fucking far. She started screaming at me about not knowing anything in terms of what she’d been through and I told her, in anger that I’d love to hear what she went through because from what I’d heard, she put her reputation above the well-being of her own brother. She didn’t take that too well and attempted to hit me. Of course, I saw that shit coming and stopped her, but it was then that she issued the ultimatum.”

My head hung low between my shoulders as I puffed at my cigarette and pinched the bridge of my nose with my free hand. This was so much worse than I fucking thought, but just as I had suspected, all the fucking drama Bella had dealt with since she’d been here was because of me. But the part I couldn’t figure out was why she cared about me so fucking much. What was so special about me? If she were smart, she’d have chosen to stick with my family and not have given me a second thought after hearing about me from Emmett.

“What was the ultimatum, Bella?” I rasped, my voice breaking on the last word.

“What do you think it was, Edward?”

“She made you choose between me and her, right?” I glanced up to see Bella nod and noticed that sometime during her explanation, she’d closed the distance between us and now stood right beside me. “What did you say?”

“Well, she’s not here anymore, is she?” she whispered, averting her eyes to the trees in her backyard, then to the ground. Anywhere but at me. “She didn’t even give me a chance to answer her before she called me a fucking bitch and left. There were other things said, but nothing of importance. So,” she started, wiping at her eyes and a few tears that I obviously hadn’t seen fall. “Now you know everything, so let’s go back inside and unpack, okay? I don’t want to talk about this shit anymore.”

She threw her cigarette butt to the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of her shoe before she started to move past me. I couldn’t let her fucking go without saying something. After all, it was my fault. I reached out and caught her hand, pulling her back toward me.

“I want you to know that I appreciate everything you’ve said and done in defense of me, Bella. You need to know that, okay? But I’m fucking trash. That’s all there is to it. You’re wasting your time if you think for one second that there’s any good in me, because I’m telling you right now that there isn’t. There’s shit that I’ve done and seen that would give you nightmares, hell, it even gives me fucking nightmares. I’ve put my family through more hell than any family should ever have to go through. I deserve every fucking bit that they throw at me. I refuse to come between you and them. I’ll help you finish tonight, but after you bring me home, don’t come back. I don’t mean that to be spiteful,” I explained as she narrowed her eyes at me and a single tear leaked out. “I don’t want to hurt you and if you continue to be around me and see what my life is really like, that’s what will inev…”

“Stop it right there, Cullen,” she bit out forcefully. “I don’t care what you do; you aren’t fucking getting rid of me. Come hell or high water, I will make you see the good in yourself that still remains. And don’t tell me it isn’t fucking there because I see it. What’s going to happen is, after we’re finished unpacking; I’ll bring you by your house. You’ll get some clothes, however much of your stash you need, and you’re going to stay with me tonight. You and I are going to talk because you need to hear the reason why I’m so quick to come to your defense. Once you hear my story, I think you’ll understand me a little bit more. Besides, I need someone here that gets it,” she ranted.

“How am I going to stay here, Doll?” I asked her with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood somewhat because I’d massively brought it down a moment ago. Hell, I was still down, but this cheerfulness I was showing her was for her benefit alone. “You have a bed, but no couch. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think we’re ready to be sharing a fucking bed.”

“Um, well you pretty much made it clear last night that you don’t let women stay in your house,” she smarted off, putting her hands on her hips.

“No, I don’t let women in my house, period,” I replied with a laugh.

“So, I guess that makes me fucking special, doesn’t it?” she smiled widely and I couldn’t fucking help but smile back at her.

Ramifications be damned, but I couldn’t resist. A weird mix of a laugh and groan came from my throat as I pushed off of the wall and pulled her against me for a hug. She was so fucking cute, thinking she had me about the being special thing, but...oh, who the fuck was I kidding? She already had me, hook, line and sinker. And not in the way you bunch of perverts are thinking either. I just meant she’d fucking called my bluff. I could already see that Bella was going to turn out to be like Alice from back when things were good. All she would have to do was throw a tantrum or give me those eyes and I would be a fucking goner, giving in to any little thing she wanted.

Bella pulled away with a smirk and headed back inside. As I moved to follow her, my phone rang out and I could only fucking hope that it wasn’t Aro calling me in for another job. The last thing I needed right now was to have to find a damn excuse to give Bella as to why I would have to leave all of a sudden, cause there was no way in hell I would be able to actually tell her the truth.

“Yeah?”

“Are you fucking happy, asshole?” Alice screamed into the phone.

“What the fuck is your problem? I wasn’t even here, Ali.”

“Why the hell can’t you just stay away from her? You know what’s going to happen!”

“No actually, why don’t you fucking enlighten me, Ali. All I know right now is that I’m simply helping a friend, a sister, unpack.”

“Bullshit! You just can’t help yourself, can you? First, you took Kate away and now Bella.”

I rammed my fist into the brick wall of the house, and caught Bella watching me through the window of the kitchen. Fucking great.

“You leave that fucking bitch out of this! She has and never will have anything to do with Bella. You need to fucking let that shit go.”

“LET IT GO?! You fucking killed her!!! You should be rotting in prison right now! How long, Edward, until you do the same shit to Bel…”

I couldn’t fucking hear anymore. I angrily shoved the phone back into my pocket and buried my hand in my hair, pulling forcefully at the strands. 

“Edward?” Bella questioned as she opened the back door.

“Just give me a fucking minute!” I shouted just a bit louder than I meant to, and a hell of a lot harsher. It was a good thing too because Bella didn’t need to be near me when I was this pissed off.

I was so fucking sick of that bitch calling me a murderer. The fact that she, my own fucking sister, would believe me capable of killing the woman I was to be married to, the woman that, at the time and in everyone else’s eyes, I loved, was like a thousand daggers to the heart. And it wasn’t just Alice. It was the whole fucking family. They never hesitated to believe that shit and that hurt worse than the way they fucking treated me about my drug problem.

I lifted my head to glance at Bella but she’d already shut the damn door and had disappeared. I didn’t even see her in the kitchen anymore. Hopefully she hadn’t taken that outburst personally, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she had. Leave it to me to fuck everything up. I was going to have to apologize to her as soon as I got inside, right before I asked her to take me home.

When I got this fucking pissed off, there was only one thing that could calm me, and that was a fucking fix and a tall Crown and coke. I could feel my muscles beginning to spasm from the need and the adrenaline rushing through my body. All I needed and wanted right now was to feel the sweet release of the drugs entering my system. Fucking nothing was better than that. Bella was just going to have to take a rain check on our little fucking soiree tonight.

Hopefully, tomorrow, I’d be in the frame of mind to make it up to her. But if Alice’s bitch ass got to her before I did, I might as well kiss our friendship, if that's even what we were, goodbye because Bella wouldn’t fucking want a damn thing to do with me after. The argument earlier had lit a fire under Alice’s ass and the bitch fought dirty. She was going to bring everything she had to the table to convince Bella and, in a way, it would be the best thing for her to stay the fuck away from me.

But, if it was the best thing, why did just thinking about it feel so fucking wrong?


	10. Chapter 9

BPOV

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I stuck my head out the backdoor to check on Edward, but I certainly didn’t fucking think he would snap at me the way he did. I couldn’t take it to heart though. He had been through a lot today at the hands of his family, and because I just didn’t know when to quit, the blame fell on my shoulders. I had pushed everyone together too fucking soon. I mean, yeah, I knew it was fucking bad, but this–what I’d witnessed–was far worse than I could ever have imagined. 

The one thing I was thankful for was Emmett, believe it or not. He had actually swallowed his pride and apologized, not just to me, but both of us. Jasper…well, I didn’t know him from a damn hole in the ground, but after that line he’d spat at Edward, it let me know where he stood. Carlisle and Esme had pretty much vanished into thin air somewhere in the house after our confrontation outside. But Alice, even though she had left, I just had a gut feeling that she was the one Edward had been arguing with on the phone outside. Why she couldn’t just let it go and leave him alone was beyond me, but it was infuriating. She was literally hell bent on making him feel as low as she possibly could. I didn’t understand it at all. If she wanted nothing to do with him and fucking hated him, why the hell was she continuing to call him and get in his face? Wouldn’t it be easier for her if she just washed her hands of him completely?

I sighed loudly and turned, about to head into the back of the house to find Emmett, when I heard Edward come in from outside. His head hung a bit low as he looked up at me from beneath his lashes with trepidation, which was odd coming from him. Up until this point, he hadn’t seemed to be scared of anything and had put on a tough front no matter what was thrown at him.

“You look like you could use a drink almost as much as me,” I told him softly as he came to stand against the counter once more. His hand ran through his hair, shaking with frustration as a gush of breath escaped with a laugh.

“That’s a fucking understatement. I’m sorry about snapping at you, Bella. It wasn’t you; you know that, right?"

“It was Alice,” I answered for him, venom in my voice. He looked up at me skeptically, his eyes narrowed. “I may have heard you shout her name.”

“Listen, I know that I said I would help you unpack, and I’ve hardly done a damn thing around here, but I just…I need to go home, Doll. That phone call was the final nail in the coffin today, and my stress level is fucking sky rocketing. The only thing that’s going to bring that level down is back at home, and in saying that, I really think its best that we save our fucking soiree shit for another night.”

“I’ll bring your ass home, Cullen, but when I finish up here and everyone goes home, I’m going back to your place. And our little soiree, as you so fucking eloquently put it, will still happen.”

“All right, look, I’m not even going to bullshit you; I will most likely be getting fucked up tonight, okay? I’m talking heavy liquor and drugs, Bella. You don’t need to be around that shit, and I don’t want you seeing me like that.”

“What you just spewed at me is the only bullshit that’s going on here. I’ve seen more of liquor and drugs than you could ever dream about, Eddie, and it’s nothing new to me, which is only the more reason for you to hear me out on what I’ve really been up to the last few years. I’ll even bring liquor because the good Lord knows, I’ll fucking need it if I ever plan on making it through reliving that shit all over again.”

“Okay, you know what? I’m fucking done playing nice, Bella. I don’t take orders from you, or anybody else. You got here yesterday, and already, you’ve made things a thousand fucking times worse than they were before because you couldn’t keep your fucking nose out of it. The family doesn’t need you screaming in their faces about me. Because Doll, even if they ever really fucking cared about me at all, the ship sailed a long ass time ago and isn’t coming back. If you want to be there for me, fine, but quit fucking pushing for things that are impossible. One thing you need to understand is, the only time I see the family is at Mom’s Sunday dinners…that’s it. And in case you didn’t fucking read between the lines, I want to be left alone tonight. That’s just me, myself and I. And I don’t fucking see what’s so damn big about your story that you feel the immediate need to tell me about it.”

When he finished, his chest was heaving as he stared me down, his expression leaving no room for bullshit. The rant he’d just given had bitch-slapped me a thousand times over, and I knew instantly that I’d overstepped my boundaries with him. I’d pushed too hard, and as a result, he was feeling cornered. Much like I had the first few times Charlie tried to confront me about my addiction. And as much as I wanted to just walk away and let Edward be alone tonight, I had to take a note from the battle I had fought. Whether I had felt cornered, or had just thrown my fist through a wall, it didn’t stop Charlie. He kept on. The angrier I would get and the more I fought against him, the harder he would push, never giving up. 

I took a step back from Edward and closed my eyes, shaking my head.

“Bel…” He actually had the audacity to sound remorseful.

I cut him off. “You think that you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to live with this shit? The only one that knows what it’s like to crave a fix? To know that with the each hit, all the pain and anger will fade into nothing, leaving you numb?” I ground out, fixing my eyes on his startled ones. I was making sure he could see that I was pissed. “You aren’t the only fucking person that knows that kind of pain. Answer me something; how many times have you taken a hit, praying that it was just enough to be your last? Just enough to send you to your fucking grave?”

“Fuck you, Bella,” he growled, his voice threatening as he brought himself closer.

“It’s a legit question, Edward. I prayed for that more times than I can fucking count.”

“Do you honestly think I’m fucking stupid?” Edward laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You expect me to believe you share the same hell? What? Is this a sick joke or something?”

“Oh there’s nothing sick about any of this,” I snarled as I glanced around me, making sure no one had stumbled into our conversation. I then clenched my jaw and gritted my teeth forcefully as I extended my arm to him, the flat underside of my forearm facing up. Edward’s eyes then narrowed as he stared at my arm before slowly rising to meet my eyes. “Does this look like a joke to you?”

Eventually, I couldn’t take the intensity of his stare anymore and turned my back to him, resuming the unpacking. What I really fucking wanted was a cigarette, but he had them and to ask for one would mean going back outside with him. I didn’t want to discuss my history any further while in this house, not while Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper could walk in at any given time. That and I desperately needed to catch up on the unpacking because I was seriously slacking. 

But then I realized that I still had to take him home. At the moment, my emotions were running so high, and just remembering what it felt like to be addicted, left me fighting the urges and cravings that were starting to course through my veins. 

Going to Edward’s with the knowledge of me watching him with the drugs and alcohol suddenly didn’t seem like such a good idea. I was strong in my sobriety, and having come out of the rehabilitation only weeks ago, no matter how long I’d battled it, was still too much of a temptation. I needed to watch myself, especially at the vulnerable moments such as this one. With the way I was feeling emotionally, the urge to feel that high just to ease the pain of my past wrong doings would be too much to fight against. It was in my best interest to drop him off, and then come home. And more than likely, I’d be placing a call to Charlie tonight, just to talk this all out. I owed him that much.

Before Edward could say anything back—and I could tell he wanted to—I went to the back of the house to find Emmett. I found him in what I had deemed to be my office slash guestroom.

“Hey Em, I’ll be right back. I’m going to bring Edward home; he’s not feeling too hot.”

“Bella,” he sighed, not bothering to look at me. “You don’t have to cover for him. He wants to go home and take his drugs; I know that, and so do you.”

“No, really, he’s not good, Emmett. Your fucking sister called him a minute ago and let him have it…again. There was no reason for her to do that shit.”

“Well, I take it that since you and her had World War three outside you’ll be staying with Rose and I again tonight?” he answered with a laugh.

“Actually, I think I’m going to stay here tonight. It’s nothing against you, I promise. I just…it’s been a long day, and I think it’s probably best for everyone if I stay home. I’ve got a lot on my mind that I need to mull over, and I think I’ve wreaked enough havoc on this family for one day.”

I didn’t wait for him to answer before I headed back towards the kitchen and grabbed my keys. Edward was standing at the sink, looking out the window with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“You coming or not?” I questioned firmly. His head jerked up, and I could see the confusion in his eyes left from our conversation minutes ago. Silently, he followed me out of the house and to the truck.

“Who all knows?” he questioned about fifteen minutes into the drive, his voice low.

“Charlie, and now you,” I whispered, my voice raspy from the strain of emotions.

“You haven’t told the family?”

“Why the fuck would I do that? After seeing how they treat you? No, I’ll probably tell them eventually, but it definitely won’t be soon.”

“I’m…” He started.

“If you’re about to fucking apologize, don’t. You didn’t know; now you do.”

“So, where are you staying tonight?” he asked with a heavy sigh.

“I told Em that I was staying home tonight. I’ve done enough damage to everyone for the day, and I need to sit down and mull a bunch of shit over in my head.”

“Shit. The things I said back there,” he trailed off frustratingly. 

“Were right,” I answered, smiling grimly at him as I pulled my truck into his driveway. “You have my number. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“How can you possibly still offer that after the way I blew up at you?” he exclaimed, his eyes wide.

“Edward, it’s been a long day. Those things just happen. I’ve gotta go, though; I’m way behind on my unpacking, thanks to your slow ass.”

“I’m just going to extend the offer that if you want to come by later, it’s okay.”

“Now you’re just trying to be nice, you big pussy. You made it perfectly clear that you want to be left alone, and I remember what that feeling was like. Not only that but bringing that stuff back up is fucking with my head, and it’s probably best if I stay away from the temptation for tonight. I’m strong, but not that strong. I’ll see you later.”

He gave me that knee-buckling, crooked grin once more, and he started to step out of the truck when he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. “You want a cigarette for the drive back?”

I nodded my head. “Hell yes. Two if you don’t mind.”

“Hey, it’s the least I can do after being a fucking asshole. Call me later, okay?”

“I will, and Edward, you weren’t an asshole,” I told him with a wink as I took the cigarettes from his hand. I watched as he put one to his own lips and lit up. 

I had never wanted to be a fucking cigarette so much in my life.

He then offered me the lighter, which I took, lit one of mine, and then handed back before putting my truck in reverse and backing out. As the gravel crunched beneath my tires, Edward stayed put in front of his damn house, smoking and watching me. I rolled the window all the way down and stuck my head out. “Remember you have a fucking cigarette in your mouth this time!” I shouted in reference to him burning his foot last night.

He broadly smiled, his laugh loud enough to be heard over the roar of my engine as he raised a hand in the air and flipped me the bird with a shake of his head, causing me to smile.

**C&B**

When I returned to my house, I found everyone—excluding Alice—sitting on the blanket left from the night before, eating lunch. Apparently, someone had brought sandwich supplies, and Emmett had taken it upon himself to heat up some of the barbecue and burgers from yesterday. They all greeted me with warm smiles, except for Jasper. I was actually surprised to see Carlisle smiling at me considering our confrontation this morning.

“Find your way back okay?” Emmett questioned as he looked up at me from his plate.

“I did, Captain Obvious.” That earned a laugh from none other than Carlisle and an eye roll from Emmett. When I walked into the center of the kitchen, the bags of groceries that Edward had brought in were no longer there, and as I thought back, I never even really looked to see what all he had bought. And then it dawned on me that I’d never given him any money, so whatever he did buy, he fucking paid for. As that thought hit me, I hurried over to fridge and threw the door open. My jaw dropped as I then moved to the fucking pantry and was rendered completely speechless.

That little shit! There was at least two hundred and fifty dollars’ worth of groceries in my house, and that pissed me off because judging from all the snack cake wrappers I’d found at Edward’s, he didn’t even shop for himself. I mean, the thought was incredibly sweet and was actually a load off of my back, but there was no way I wasn’t going to reimburse him for this. 

“Bella, dear, I noticed you went shopping. When on earth did you have time to do that between yesterday and today?” Esme questioned sweetly. I glanced at her skeptically, not sure whether she was fishing for information or not, and arched my brow.

“I didn’t. Edward went before I brought him home.” I overheard some mumbling as I began fixing me a burger. It royally irritated the fuck out of me that they were all talking about him in my fucking dining area, knowing I was just fifteen feet away, but I had to ignore it. I didn’t want to start any more shit and to say something would undoubtedly do just that. Besides, it was an incredibly sweet and fucking selfless thing Edward had done for me. Hopefully they would recognize that, but I had the feeling that a certain blonde-haired douchebag by the name of Jasper was trying to put a different spin on it.

Despite how fucking badly I wanted to rip that asshole a new one, I wanted to try and bond a bit more with the family without the whole Edward thing looming over our heads. Not that I was disregarding anything they’d said or done—or that I was tossing him aside—but they needed to see that I really did genuinely care about them as well. So, once I’d finished making my lunch, I took a seat between Emmett and Esme, plastering a smile on my face.

With the tension taking a backseat for the moment, the conversation between us flowed easily as I filled them on all—well, almost all—I’d been up to for the past fifteen years. They really got a kick out of the fact that Charlie had hired me on as his assistant slash secretary, and then, once learning of my bakery, demanded that I start making them privy to my goodies as soon as possible. Of course, I agreed, but what they didn’t know was none of them were sampling any of my stuff until Edward had. He was getting first dibs. If they didn’t care enough to include him and treat him as a human being, then the job would be left up to me and I had hell of a lot of making up to do on their part, not that I minded.

“So, Esme, Alice tells me that you’re an interior designer now?” 

She nodded with a small smile. “I am. I did the inside of both mine and Alice’s home. Though you haven’t seen either of them yet, so that probably holds no meaning to you,” she replied with a soft chuckle.

“Well, to be blunt, I suck at it. I’d be extremely grateful and would love it if you would come shopping with me tomorrow.”

Her eyes lit up with hope. “You want me to help you decorate your home?”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” I answered. I glanced over to Emmett who winked and gave a small smirk in approval.

Instead of answering me, Esme reached over and grabbed me up into a tight hug. “I would love to, dear,” she exclaimed, but as she pulled away, her eyes held sorrow. “I wish you and Alice hadn’t butted heads. She’d have loved to come.”

“I hate that we did, too. But I didn’t agree with what she did; she went too far, and I’m not going to change my mind about that. It was ridiculously immature.”

“Dear, I understand why that upset you, but perhaps if you talked to her and heard exactly what she’s been through and why she did that, maybe you’d understand better.”

Esme’s words were true, but I wasn’t going to be the one to make that call. If Alice wanted to talk, she could call me. “Perhaps,” I answered with a sigh. “But that’s her call to make. If she wants to reconcile and confide in me, I’ll be here, but I won’t push it.” 

“Well, why don’t you stop over for dinner tonight at my house?” Emmett questioned. “Rosie asked Alice over for dinner. Maybe you two could talk there.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Emmett. I just…there’s a lot that’s happened since I showed up, and to quite honest, I’ve offended some, no matter how right I felt I was when I did so. I need time to think because I’m going to have to balance out my time between all of you and Edward. Today proved that it’s too soon to expect any of you to welcome him in to a gathering of any kind.”

Carlisle released a heavy breath and dropped his napkin onto his plate. “Bella, sweetheart, we really wish you wouldn’t acquaint yourself with him. I know you’ve missed him, and that he’s like a brother to you, but you need to understand that he isn’t the same person he used to be. Not even close. You’re only going to wind up getting hurt.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that to me himself. With all due respect, Carlisle, I wonder who put that idea in his head? Ever since going to see him last night, Edward has been nothing but a gentleman. The only time that he’s even showed a sign of agitation or anger was when you all jumped on him, on more than one occasion today, mind you. I’ve pretty much gathered from all that Emmett’s told me—and the way you’ve all acted toward Edward—that you’ve all cast him aside, and none of you consider him part of your family any more. You’ve shunned him, and you literally insult and humiliate him at every turn, regardless of what he’s done. I don’t agree with it. For that reason, I’m going to be there for him, whether you all like it or not. I’ll just spend time with him away from all of you. If my associating with him pisses you all off, and you’d rather have nothing to do with me because of it, so be it. I won’t be damned by anybody for extending a hand or ear to someone in need.”

“Nothing but a gentleman?” Carlisle bit out, shaking his head. “What kind of garbage did he fill your head with, child? What on earth has he said in regard to us?”

“He’s said nothing! When the mention of you guys come up, he becomes depressed. His eyes lit up yesterday when I told him of my reuniting with you guys and how everything went. He may not voice it, but he fucking misses his family, and that completely breaks my heart! And he’s filled my head with nothing! So he may have a drug problem, but there are thousands out there that struggle from the same fucking thing! I’m not saying it’s okay, but dammit, what reason has anyone given him to strive for more? To get better?”

“Now, hold on a second, Bella,” Emmett interrupted gently, obviously trying to be the middle man. “We tried to help him back when this whole thing started. He didn’t want it. He quit taking our phone calls, and anytime it was brought up, he’d shut down and leave.”

“Then you all just gave up? Did anyone ever think to ask for his side? Did anyone ask him how he was doing, or if he needed anything when everything first went to shit? Did anyone even care about what he was going through? These are the types of questions I have. The main ones though, is why the hell didn’t you guys try harder, and why are all of you so okay with saying he’s not a part of your family anymore?”

The room grew silent as everyone looked down at their laps—anywhere but at me and each other—in complete awkwardness. I hadn’t wanted to start up anything more, but Carlisle had provoked me and damn my fucking inability to stay silent. I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face.

“All I wanted to do was sit down and have a nice lunch with everyone, but apparently, I can’t even do that without someone desperately trying to turn me against Edward. I don’t want to be made to choose between you guys and Edward. It isn’t fair. And quite frankly, until we can all talk calmly about it, I think it’s best if I avoid talking about him at all with any of you. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you again, but I was taught to speak my mind and I won’t apologize for the way I feel.” 

With that said I clenched my fists tightly, closed my eyes, and walked out the front door, needing a minute of space and fresh air. I pulled my phone from my pocket and pulled up mine and Edward’s text history.

More shit just went down. I’m about to leave and buy a pack of fucking cigarettes. I promise I won’t stay, but do you mind if I come by? I’ll even buy you a carton –BS

It wasn’t long before my phone vibrated in my palm.

Change of plans. Let me know when they leave. Don’t you fucking go anywhere, Doll. I’ll bring the cigs and some alcohol…I’m coming to you this time. –E

I couldn’t help but smile, and then I wondered what happened to change his mind.

What happened to you getting fucked up tonight? –BS

Let’s just say that you got the damn wheels in my fucking head turning. And I didn’t like the way your text sounded. Sounds like you need an ear. –E

I don’t think I’m the only one. –BS

A lot of things had been said today, and some things really had my mind working.

I was now confused on some parts of Emmett’s story. 

I needed Alice’s story to understand her better.

And until I heard Edward’s side of things, I wasn’t going to be any closer to figuring this fucking mess out. 

Maybe…hopefully, we could both take a load off tonight.


	11. Chapter 10

BPOV

After receiving Edward’s texts, part of me was glad to know that he was coming back, but an even greater part of me worried that he was only doing so because he thought I wanted him to, or that he had to. I quickly found his number in my phone, and right as I pressed the call button, Emmett walked out. I didn’t let him fucking deter me though. I didn’t give a shit if he witnessed my conversation. 

“Doll?”

“Hello to you too, Eddie. Look, I don’t want you to think you have to come over, okay? It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“If what went down wasn’t a big deal, why were you asking if you could come by when they left?” I could literally hear the smirk in his voice.

“I didn’t say that what went down wasn’t, but it’s nothing I can’t handle on my own. I just needed to break away for a minute, but I don’t want you to think I’m fucking pressuring you int…”

“Shit, do you ever shut the fuck up?” he asked with a laugh. I couldn’t help but smile. “Actually, I was going to call you later and see about going over there anyway. Back at the house, the track marks on your arms, I wasn’t expecting that shit. I admit that I pretty much fucking asked for it with the way I went off on you, and though I’ve been curious about what all the vague responses you’ve given have meant, I never thought it would be something like that. I’m usually not one for fucking talking about that shit—to anyone—but for some reason, I’ve got this fucking gut feeling that won’t leave me the hell alone. My mind is going crazy trying to figure this shit out, and if you’re willing to tell, I want to listen.”

“And I talk too much?”

“Call me when they leave, Swan.” 

The call ended and I was left with Emmett staring a fucking hole in me. What was it with him and the constant attempts at intimidating me? At least, that’s what I thought he was doing. He stood next to me, his hip leaned against the wood railing and his arms folded across his chest as he stared at me in a calculating manner.

I sighed heavily. “All right, Em; let me have it.”

“I’m not here to gripe at you, Bella. I came out here to check and make sure you were all right. Apparently, you’re fine and Edward’s coming back,” he stated with an arched brow.

“No, I’m not fine, Emmett. I royally pissed off right now. And don’t worry; Edward isn’t coming until after everyone leaves later.”

“Why won’t he come now?”

“Did you seriously just ask me that?” I shrieked at him in disbelief. “Why the hell would he want to come back? All of you made it perfectly clear to him that he wasn’t wanted here, despite my efforts to keep things calm. Alice unleashed and humiliated him when all he was trying to do was help me out. Jasper insulted him with hateful fucking comments. Carlisle tried to fucking search him, and you even had a part in that one. Then Esme stood by and watched it all happen. He wanted to be here with everyone—he wanted to help—and…and you know what? I’m done fucking trying to explain everything today. You know damn good and well without me having to so much as utter a single fucking word why he doesn’t want to come back until you’ve all gone.”

“I wish like hell that Alice would have given you some warning, prepared you for the way things are now. To just toss you into all of this havoc the way she did wasn’t right, and I’m sorry for that. She should have told you what was going on with Edward, rather than having you find out like that. I’ll agree that she went too far with the muffin thing, but out of all of us, Alice holds the most resentment I think. Dad, well, like I told you, he put his professional reputation first. Do I wish he’d have fought more to get Edward back? Fuck yes I do, but the fact is, he didn’t, Bella. And because of that, Edward’s so far gone into his lifestyle that it’s literally changed who he is—inside and out.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Em. That’s where all of you are wrong.” I left it at that and refused to say anymore. If I continued to talk about it, I’d get choked up and lose my shit; it was going to be hard enough to revisit my life of the past few years later tonight with Edward.

Eventually, Emmett sighed and slowly started to walk back inside, but I stopped him and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for acknowledging that I should have been made aware, and for at least admitting that someone could have done more in regards to helping him out. I promise, I’ll call you tomorrow and maybe we can meet up for breakfast or lunch.”

“You’re welcome, Cinder-Bella,” he said with a dimpled grin as I landed a playful jab to his arm. “Just give me a call tomorrow, but…uh, that’s not your way of telling me we have to leave now, is it? I want another burger; I’m still raging hungry.”

“Geez, of course I’m not kicking you out right now. Carlisle on the other hand…” I trailed off as Emmett laughed and shook his head. 

I stayed outside a bit longer to calm myself as much as possible before walking into the house. Why was it that I felt like I was walking into a lion’s den when they were all inside my home? Wasn’t something fucking wrong with that picture? I could tell already just from the interaction and words we’d shared so far that when it came to Edward, Alice and Carlisle were going to be my biggest problems; I guess I could include Jasper as well considering the way he’d spoken to Edward earlier. I hoped that maybe Esme would be open to talking to me about Edward one on one tomorrow while we were shopping because she’d yet to say anything negative about him; then again, she hadn’t said anything positive either.

When I finally went back in, everyone was gathered in the living room huddled around Emmett. As I grew closer, I noticed that he was holding an iPad, and they were all smiling and oo’ing and ahh’ing. 

“What in the world is so entertaining?” I questioned with a chuckle. 

“We’re just going through pictures I have on my iPad. I’m sure you’ve never seen half of ‘em,” Emmett explained, smirking at me. Esme stepped aside with a reassuring smile, making room for me next to Emmett. I placed my hand on his shoulder blades and leaned in, but fuck it was hard to see. I literally had to mold myself around his massive fucking bicep just to get a decent view of the screen without the ever-irritating glare. But when he moved it closer, I gasped at what I saw. The picture he had on the screen was Edward, Alice, Emmett, and I sitting together on the porch steps of my childhood home. I remembered that day well because it had been taken the day before Charlie and I moved. Alice and I sat in the middle, Edward beside me and Emmett beside her. Always the mischievous one, Emmett held bunny ears above Alice’s head. Edward hadn’t done anything like that; he just had his arm slung over my shoulders. Looking at that picture and being reminded of just how much Edward had changed—how much we’d all changed—left me feeling just a bit raw on the inside. I wished desperately that things were the way they used to be, and I strongly believed they could be again, I just had to make these fucking people see how much they were throwing away. But one thing I noticed about that picture above all else, something I hadn’t seen when I was a child, was that even back then, glasses, lankiness and all, Edward was just as beautiful as he was today, only he was a little rougher around the edges. That boy was still inside of him somewhere because I caught small glimpses of him every now and again in stolen glances, but I knew I was going to have my work cut out for me in trying to bring him back.

Emmett continued to show me more and more pictures, and there were several that I asked him to print off for me. Some were of all of us, some of just me and Alice, and some of the three of them. I was actually pretty fucking bummed not to see a single picture of just Edward and I. I would have to remember to ask Charlie if he happened to have any when I called him later. But knowing my dad, more than likely he didn’t. Hell, he was fucking lucky if he remembered where his house shoes were I half the damn time.

After another hour or so of everyone—excluding Jasper since he wasn’t around back then—reminiscing over the better memories of my time with them, Carlisle was called in to the hospital. Esme started off toward the kitchen and when I followed her in, I had to fucking stop her. She was gathering all of the trash from lunch, and after throwing it away, started to put food away. 

“Esme, stop. I’ll get it. I’m sure Carlisle is in a hurry to leave for the hospital—for more reasons than one.” I mumbled the last bit under my breath, but the look that crossed her face told me that she’d heard me loud and clear.

“Bella, dear, you’re going to butt heads with Carlisle quite frequently when discussing Edward, but don’t take it too personally, okay? I’m begging you. He loves you just as much as he ever did, and in his mind, he’s only trying to look out for you.”

“But you don’t believe what he’s doing is right, do you?” I questioned after having picked up on her indifference.

She glanced around us before leaning in and murmuring into my ear. “We’ll talk tomorrow, Bella.”

It was then that Carlisle walked in, followed by Emmett and Jasper. Carlisle hugged me goodbye which, in all honesty, was awkward as fuck considering our heated exchange earlier. Jasper basically left with a glare and not a word of apology or anything, and Emmett…well, he told me to call him if I needed anything. And that was only after begging me to let him take a few of the leftover hamburger patties home. I kept a couple just in case Edward and I got hungry later and—much to Emmett’s delight—sent him home with the rest. 

When the last car finally pulled away from the curb and my driveway, I shot Edward a quick text to let him know it was safe for him to head this way. He didn’t leave me waiting long before I got a response.

Have you talked to Alice? –E

Well, that was the last fucking thing I expected him to say.

Not since we butted heads earlier. Why? –BS

Apparently someone fucking told her I was going back to your place and she called again to bitch me out and threaten me not to show up. –E

Don’t you DARE listen to that shit. Get your ass over here. I’ll handle Alice. –BS

My blood was boiling. What the fuck was her problem?! I quickly pressed the speed dial and waited for her to answer. When she picked up, I unleashed.

“Hello?” she greeted cheerfully, but even I could tell that it was fake…through the fucking phone.

“Let’s get one thing straight here. I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you will not threaten or bitch out anyone in regards to coming to my house. You and I have some shit to straighten out, and we’ll fucking deal with it tomorrow, but I’ll be damned if you’re going to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Stick my nose whe—,” she exclaimed. “Bella, he’s my brother so I have…” 

I had to stop her there. “Oh so now he’s your brother? He only matters when it’s convenient for you! And even then you still treat him like shit!”

“If you would let me finish!” she shouted petulantly. “I called him because I’m on my way to your house now in hopes of talking to you and trying to settle what went down earlier.”

“And instead of telling him that in a calm manner, you fucking bitched at him and threatened him! You might be able to get away with doing that shit to him and everybody else, but I’m not going to stand for it. You and I will talk tomorrow. Edward is coming back because there’s something I need to talk to him about, and it’s personal.”

“You’re doing it again. Why, after all I’ve done, are you cho--,” she started but I angrily cut her off.

“I’m not fucking choosing anybody, but you royally pissed me off today, Alice. I saw a side to you today that I never thought would have been capable of coming from someone so loving and warm-hearted. The hatred that you hold for Edward has nothing to do with me, but I despise it. Either you can take the offer of talking tomorrow or you can drop it because either way, it’s not fucking happening tonight.”

“Oh come on, Bella! It’ll only take a minute. He can fucking wait a bit; if the drugs haven’t killed him yet, he’ll live through waiting twenty to thirty minutes.”

My voice dropped dangerously low, and anyone that knew me would know that that meant I was about a second away from completely exploding. “Here’s what going to happen: you’re going to show up and knock on my door, but I won’t fucking answer. You’re going to turn your cold fucking hearted ass around and drive right back home because I swear on all that’s fucking holy, if you keep pushing me, I’ll show you the side of me that no one wants to see.”

I didn’t even give her a chance to respond before ending the call. I loved Alice; she was my sister, but this side of her that I’d seen the past couple of days filled me with hate and anger that I quickly losing my grasp on. I wasn’t even sure if her telling me her side of what she’d been through would even be enough to redeem herself in my eyes. The way in which she talked about and to Edward was fucking horrendous, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to stand for it. 

Tomorrow it is. –A

I scoffed as I read the text back a few times. To try and clear my head and calm down a bit, I went back into the kitchen to hopefully find something to cook. In no time I found some chicken breasts and all the ingredients I would need to make Chicken Parmesan, one of my favorites. Edward had done ridiculously fucking good with shopping for me. Now if only I could get him to do the same for himself. Hell, maybe I could even return the favor and do it for him.

I quickly located my tenderizer, which had thankfully already been unpacked. At least one thing went the way I wanted it to today.

 

EPOV

She had track marks. Bella fucking Swan had track marks! There were several different scenarios that had crossed my twisted mind since she’d shown up on my doorstep yesterday. Several different scenarios to explain her vague answers regarding knowing the signs, and what it was like for me, the reason why none of it really fazed her. 

Never.

Never in a thousand—hell, make it a million—fucking years did I think that an addiction of her own would be the explanation. Being that whatever she was on was intravenous, she had most likely been worse off than me. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it had been like for her to have dealt with that shit, especially having a police chief as a father. And there was no way in hell she was faking that shit; you can’t fake track marks.

When I’d lost my cool with her following the call from Alice, I felt like the world’s biggest fucking tool. She’d been nothing but good to me at that point, and while I’d admit that there were things that were beginning to annoy the shit out of me, she hadn’t deserved that. The shock that registered on her face really drove home the fact that I’d hurt her, no matter how right I thought I was. But when she showed me the marks, I wanted to crawl into a fucking hole and die. It was obviously something she was embarrassed by and didn’t want to show anyone but my callous words had pushed her to that point. And now…now I couldn’t quit thinking about it. She actually wanted to tell me her story and—my antisocial tendencies be damned—I desperately wanted, no, I needed to fucking listen and hear her out. I owed her that much. It was all part of the process to figuring out the enigma that was Bella Swan. 

I wanted to know what she’d really been up to. Fuck it—I wanted to know everything there fucking was to know about her, and I couldn’t explain why. This shit wasn’t like me at all. For two years now, I’d strayed away from getting to know anyone outside of Aro and his crew; no women. But yet, she comes along and almost immediately, the defenses I had against women that had always worked were suddenly rendered useless. There was no use in lying; I was fucking attracted her, and it was bad. I had to keep my mind distracted when I was in her presence because if I just sat back and let it run away, my dick went from flaccid to rock fucking hard within seconds. And the worst part about that was, I could tell that she was attracted to me as well. Would I ever let myself go and actually pursue something with her? Highly fucking unlikely. No matter how attracted to her I was, no matter how much she might come to mean to me, I was positive that my heart would never be ready to put itself in a predicament where someone could obliterate it again. 

Yeah, you can say it. I was completely jumping the fucking gun. I had only been reunited with her last night, but still, to feel this strongly already was freaking me the fuck out, almost to the point of needing a few days of space from her.  
After she spilled her guts and shit to me.

I just hope like hell that she wasn’t going to start crying because I’m a man; I don’t do crying. I can’t handle it, and chances were if she started, I would either join her, or I’d need a fix to calm the anxiety that would surely settle over me. Earlier today had been different. I knew what had upset her and it revolved around me. I was fucking used to seeing people cry because of my sorry ass, but dealing with someone crying over something that had nothing to do with me was a different story.

Would I tell my side of things when she finished? Fuck no. Doing so would be opening myself up to a world of pain, to being judge, shit that I buried deep in the far recesses of my mind. Granted, it was the shit that I dwelled on daily, but I didn’t speak of it with anyone, and don’t see myself ever fucking doing so. 

Any fucking way, the minute that Bella had dropped me off back at the house, I regretted ever asking her to bring me. Yeah, I needed a fix like nobody’s fucking business, and I hated that I’d caused a rift with her and my family, but it felt good to be around her. To be treated as if I somehow mattered.

I know, I know, my head is a fucking twisted pile of shit inside. I missed feeling needed, missed feeling cared for, but when you live so long without either of those and instead loathe yourself, that’s what your left with.

I had just had my second fix since being back home when she began texting me about something else having gone down. I was actually glad that she asked if she could come by and confounded that she had offered to buy me a fucking carton of cigarettes. 

For what? Being a supreme asshole and ruining your day? 

Instead of allowing her that, I told her that I would go to her, but only when the fucking family had left. I didn’t want to deal with any more of their bullshit today, and I knew that Bella didn’t either. At least she’d seen firsthand today exactly how they interacted with me. The search that Carlisle, my father, had tried to perform on me was nothing new. In fact, I went through that shit every fucking Sunday. Hell, even my fucking car went through a search. Carlisle usually checked me while Emmett checked my car. I fucking hated it and it made me feel like I’d reached the ultimate bottom and was nothing more to them than the dirt beneath their fucking feet. 

And I needed to fucking quit thinking about that shit because I’d already had two fixes, and with the limited fucking stash they’d given me, I couldn’t afford to be reckless and have another. So I began gathering what liquor I had in my house which was mainly Crown, Jack, and Vodka. I couldn’t remember if I fucking had anything else. All I knew was that I hoped Bella was okay with me sleeping on her floor because I planned to drink my fucking ass off tonight, and I most likely wouldn’t make it back home. From what I knew of her, she’d fucking kick my ass from here to Sunday if I even thought about driving home drunk and under the influence of drugs. And I don’t mean that jokingly. There was no doubt in my fucking mind that that woman could knock me the fuck out.

While I was still searching my liquor supply, my phone began to ring in my pocket, and like the damn fool I am, I answered before checking to see who the fuck it was.

“Where are you?”

“Why do you fucking care where I’m at?” I bit out.

“Just answer the damn question! Are you at Bella’s or not?”

“No, I’m not, but I will be soon,” I told her, sighing loudly. I didn’t have time for this shit.

“You’ve done enough damage today, and I need to talk to her. Stay the fuck away from her, Edward!”

“Or what, Alice? What could you possibly fucking do to me that you or someone else hasn’t already done? Throw me in jail? I’ve been there. Cut me off? Every single one of y’all have already done that! You can’t do shit, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to let you fucking threaten me. Bella needs to talk to me, so I’m going.”

“Oh really? What is so important that it can’t wait?”

“None of your fucking business, and did you really think I would ever tell you?” I laughed darkly, hung up the phone and put it on silent. I’d had about enough of her for today. Hll, I’d enough of her to last a fucking week.

Nearly fifteen minutes after that, Bella texted me to come over, and I didn’t want to fucking show up and find Alice there so I asked her if she’d talked to her. She was pissed, that much I could tell just from her texts. After fucking loading the liquor into my trunk, I headed toward Bella’s.

When I pulled up and Alice’s car was nowhere in sight, I knew Bella had handed her ass to her because if I knew my sister, she had called me from the curbside of Bella’s house. Hell, she was probably there when Bella got a hold of her. I quickly grabbed my carton of smokes from the backseat and the bags of liquor from the trunk before heading inside. I tried knocking on the door a few times, but she wasn’t answering and the protective side of me started to panic. I checked her doorknob and it made me sick to see that she hadn’t locked it. Anybody could have walked the fuck in and that made my stomach turn. My lifestyle had made me aware of exactly how sick and fucking evil people could be and just thinking something like that could happen to Bella fucked with me. I was going to have to make it a fucking point to mention that shit to her. 

I pushed the door open and hollered out for her, but she didn’t answer. Instead, all I heard was pounding coming from the kitchen. When I walked in, I had to fucking laugh. Petite Bella Swan stood at her kitchen counter holding a meat tenderizer as she pounded away and what—upon closer inspection—now seemed to be massacred chicken. It was past tenderized. 

“You know, I could refer you to a great anger management doctor,” I spoke up, watching as she lifted her head to glare at me while continuing to pound the tenderizer into the… “What the fuck is it that you’re punishing anyway?”

“It’s chicken, and I’m tenderizing it, jackass!” she replied before putting it away. 

“Doll, judging from the way it looks now, you tenderized that shit a long ass time ago. Now you’re just being fucking inhumane.”

“And like you give a fuck about what’s humane and what’s not,” she laughed loudly.

“So, what’s the chicken for?”

“Well, Einstein, I thought I’d pull some out and beat it a little bit, get that extra aggression out,” she answered with a wink and smirk.

“You know what I fucking meant,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“I’m making Chicken Parmesan for dinner.”

“You don’t have to cook, Doll. We’re just going to be getting drunk anyway,” I told her with a shrug and took a seat on a barstool.

“When was the last time you had someone cook for you, Edward?”

Dammit, and in settles the guilt. She was fucking cooking for me. While I appreciated the effort and it was sweet and all that shit, I didn’t deserve it. In my personal opinion, she should have been kicking my ass the moment I walked in the door. My mind didn’t get too carried away though because before I fucking knew it, she’d slapped me upside the fucking head. My head whipped to the side as I fixed her with a fucking glare. No one got away with that shit.

Ever. 

But for some fucking reason, I remained silent and stayed with the murderous stare.

“Don’t give me that fucking look, Eddie. I told you that I wasn’t going to stand for you to talk about yourself that way, and I could see the damn wheels in your head turning. Earlier today, things got out of hand and emotions ran high, that’s all. You were right in the things you said, plus you’d been through hell.”

“Yeah, but just because I was right, doesn’t make it right, Bella. And for future fucking reference, don’t ever hit me in the head like that again, and I’m saying that as nice as I possibly can. That shit is the best way to piss me off and I don’t take lightly to it.”

Another thing that had come to my attention was that after slapping me, she hadn’t taken her hand out of my fucking hair. She…wait…was she? 

She was fucking playing with my goddamn hair! 

“So not what I expected,” she muttered to herself as she stared at her hand moving in my hair as if it was the eighth wonder of the world.

“I’m sorry, what? And what the fuck are you doing?”

“Your hair, it’s so misleading.”

Completely unfazed, or oblivious to my struggle, she leaned in further and continued in her play. “I can’t fucking figure it out. When you look at it, it seems like you haven’t run a brush through it since Jesus was a baby. It just looks like a matted rat’s nest and I was actually weary on making contact with it, but now that I have…it’s so fucking soft,” she murmured.

Okay. 

Time out.

What the fuck? Seriously?

I reached up and took hold of her wrist, pulling her hand from my so called ‘rat’s nest’ and leaned back as far as I could without falling out of my seat. I needed distance from her scent and her fucking inviting cleavage. “Are you fucking stoned or some shit?” I asked her with a humorless laugh.

Again, she caught me off guard and moaned. Need I point out why that was fucking bad for me? “No, but believe me, after the day I’ve had, I fucking wish I was.”

Thankfully, that seemed to distract her from my hair as she went back to preparing dinner. 

“So, what the hell went down after I left?” 

Her eyes cut across to me and I swear that I fucking saw her lip curl. “Long story short, Carlisle is what happened. Fucking everything was fine until he provoked me. I was forced to hand his ass over to him, and—I won’t go into detail—but it pushed me to the point of needing to go outside for air before I knocked the ever-loving fuck out of someone. Then Emmett fucking came outside while I was talking to you on the phone and instead of walking away, he stood there and eavesdropped. So my guess on Alice finding out would be from Emmett, or Emmett told Jasper and he told her.”

“What did Carlisle say to you, Bella?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes at her. 

“Don’t worry about it, Edward. It would only hurt you more, and I won’t do that. I won’t be a messenger, either.”

“So, it was in regards to me?” I scoffed and looked down. I fucking hated my life. 

“I said don’t worry about it. Tell you what, how about you break open one of those bottles of liquor?” she suggested, raising a brow at me.

“What’s your poison?” I shot back.

“What ya got?” she asked. That was a fucking loaded question and thank fuck she wasn’t on the other side of this counter in viewing distance of my fucking traitorous groin. I busied myself and began pulling out the bottles I’d brought as she attended to something else in the kitchen. 

“I think I’m gonna fix myself a crown and coke,” she sighed all happy and shit as she walked over to the fridge.

“Grab two of those cokes, Doll.”

As she dug in the fridge for the cokes, I quickly averted my gaze to a far corner of the kitchen, not fucking stupid enough to look at her bent over.

“Hey, I never did thank you for getting my groceries. How much do I owe you?”

I shook my head at her. Go figure, the one good thing I’ve done for somebody in a long time, and she expects that she has to pay me back. “Nothing,” I responded nonchalantly as I got up and grabbed a couple of glasses from her cabinet.   
“Oh hell no,” she exclaimed in a low tone. “There’s no way I’m letting you foot the bill for my groceries, Edward. You completely stocked my kitchen. I want to pay you back.”

“I said no,” I ground out. “Look, if you’re really set on paying me back, double the batch of cookies or whatever it is you decide to make me, but please, just let me do this one fucking thing for you okay?” I watched her, waiting for her to nod her head or some shit to let me know that she was cool with it.

I didn’t know why that particular moment brought it to light, but suddenly, I could fucking see her stress written all over her. Her mannerisms, her facial expressions…it seemed like she had a huge weight on her chest, and I completely didn’t understand it. 

As her hands began to shake while pouring our drinks, I placed my hand on her shoulder. “Hey, why don’t you come have a smoke with me?” 

“It’ll be finished in just a minute. As soon as I put the chicken in and the timer set, I’ll go outside. I understand if you need some air though.”

“Okay, what the fuck just happened, Doll? You were fine a second ago and now you look like I just ran over your fucking dog. Was it something I said?”

Catching me off guard, she actually fucking snickered at that and slapped my arm.

“You can talk to me, Bella,” I whispered, hoping that she wasn’t suddenly thinking about fucking shutting down on me.

“I know that. I’m just fucking afraid that by the time I’m done talking, you’re going to believe that’s the only fucking reason I came here.”

Fuck. I hadn’t thought of that. Was it possible? Could this shit with Bella all be an act? Was this my family’s final ploy at fucking with my life?


	12. Chapter 11

EPOV

I narrowed my eyes at her and frowned.

“Is it?”

“I swear to you, Edward; I didn’t know shit about you until the day I actually got here.”

“If my family had fucking put you up to getting in my head and manipulating me into getting help, would you tell me?”

“No because I wouldn’t fucking agree to it to begin with. I’m not going to manipulate you, Edward, and I’m not trying to get into your fucking head. Hell, the only reason I want to tell you about the shit I went through is so you’ll understand where I’m coming from regarding my anger toward your family, and why I am so hell bent on being there for you. If you don’t want to listen, that’s fine; I won’t tell you. And as I told you earlier, you and Charlie are the only people that know. ”

Before I could even think of a response, the oven fucking beeped and minutes later, we were out on her porch smoking.

“So, none of this has anything to do with you trying to pull off an intervention?” Fucking sue me. I had to ask. Regardless of how cool she’d been, how hot she was, or how easy she was to be around, the fact still remained that she’d only shown up here yesterday and I didn’t fucking know her anymore, at least not like I used to. 

“Of course not. Look, I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t hope you someday want to get clean, but one thing I’ve learned is that you can’t get clean unless you want it for yourself. Doing it to please someone else will only backfire and when you relapse, it becomes worse than it was before. So, no, I’m not trying to perform a fucking intervention, and if your family were to bring it up to me, I’d tell them to go fuck themselves. They don’t know a damn thing about what type of life I led in Louisiana, and I plan to keep it that way.”

“Doll, they’re going to catch on to the fact that there’s something you aren’t telling them. And believe me, when they get a hunch or a theory pops up in their heads, they’re going to fucking run with it. Your secret is safe with me, but if Alice or Emmett catch sight of those track marks…” I started to say as she cut me off.

“They’ll turn their backs on me like they did you?” she questioned though it came across more in the form of a statement. I stayed silent and broke eye contact to look aimlessly into the night. Our conversation was starting to move in the direction of what I’d been through and there was no way in fucking hell I was going down that road tonight or any other night, if I had anything to say about it.

I cleared my throat and turned my head, meeting her eyes once more. “How old are they?”

“What?” she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“The track marks. I can see that they aren’t fresh, so how old are they?”

“Coming up on three months next week.” 

I narrowed my eyes at her, watching her every move to see if she was bullshitting me, but she remained like a wall and the look in her eyes told me all I needed to know.

“Fuck, you really did move here to get away from what happened back there, didn’t you?”

Her eyes then went downcast as she took in a deep breath. She took a long pull off her cigarette before turning to me.

“Let’s go inside.”

Bella left no fucking room for me to say anything else. I followed her inside and took a seat at her bar, her sitting beside me because, well, there wasn’t a couch or even a fucking kitchen table.

“You, uh, you left in a damn hurry, huh?” I joked as she looked over at me with her eyes narrowed.

“Before you hate on my lack of furniture, remember that it was you who suggested coming here. If you had just listened to me, we could be sitting comfortably on your designer couch.”

“Well, now if you’re going to start dodging questions already, I really see no point in me being he…”

I was cut short by Bella jabbing my in the ribs, nearly knocking my ass off my fucking stool. We both laughed for a second before she grew somber again.

“It started two years ago. At the time, I was still doing well with my bakery. Everything in my life was going great, you know? I had a great job doing something I loved, I was closer to my dad than I’d ever been, but I was alone. I was fucking tired of being alone. To be honest, I person I was then is the Bella all of you remember.”

“What changed?” I asked quirking a brow at her and taking a sip of my drink.

“Jacob Black happened,” she whispered, looking down at her lap. If she was about to fucking tell me that he had hurt or attacked her in some way, I would have to leave. One thing I wouldn’t fucking allow Bella to see was me in a fit of rage. I wasn’t safe for anyone to be around. My lifestyle had instilled that in me over time.

Then she continued. “Charlie’s best friend, Billy Black was Jacob’s father; he was also the one who got Charlie the job there when we moved from here. Anyway, after losing you guys and moving down there, I didn’t know anyone and for the longest fucking time, I wouldn’t speak. Charlie would have to literally force me to eat at times, and I didn’t want to go outside. Eventually, he started thinking that if he brought Jacob over, he could somehow break me out of my shell being that he was the same age as me. It wasn’t something that happened overnight or anything but we eventually became best friends. Two years ago, things changed between us and we started dating. Until that point, Jake was the best person I knew; he had the purest soul. About two or three weeks into our relationship, I began to see that the Jacob I’d grown up around, the guy I’d called my best friend for years was suddenly alien to me. I discovered over time that he was the go-to drug dealer of Jeff Davis Parish.”

“I thought you lived in Lake Arthur?”

“I did, but in Louisiana, they have parishes. Each parish has a certain number of cities. In our case, Jeff Davis consists of five. Anyhow, he ran the fucking scene there. I didn’t know what to think of it, but I sure as fuck didn’t like it; after all, I was the police chief’s daughter and y’all knew even way back when that I was a daddy’s girl. But no matter how much shit I witnessed, I couldn’t bring myself to turn him in or turn my back on him because I loved him too much. And to be perfectly honest, I was afraid about what would happen to me if I even tried. I mean, fuck, I’d watched what happened to people that crossed him, and most of them left the warehouse in pieces that Jacob’s men stored in trash bags and then disposed of out in the swamp. There were very few that made it out of his clutches alive.”

“Bella,” I rasped, unable to get a fucking control on my anger. Just hearing what I had so far had me pissed off, and she hadn’t even gotten to the part about how she got hooked on the drugs, but I had a pretty good idea. What sucked about this is that so far, there was a shit ton of her story that I could relate to, that hit home for me, but I wasn’t about to volunteer that information. I guess, in a way, it only proved that what she said about not trying to manipulate me was the truth. No one outside of myself and Aro’s crew knew about the shit we were involved in.

“What’s wrong?” Her soft voice broke me from my inner ramblings.

“What?” 

“Well you interrupted me and then I lost you. You okay?”

“Oh shit, sorry,” I answered her and then remembered exactly what made me lose focus to begin with. “Bella, this prick…did he ever fucking hurt you?”

“Physically or emotionally?” she asked, quirking a brow at me.

“Both I guess, but I mainly meant physically.”

“Sometimes. Let me get to the part where I actually got involved in the shit they were doing, okay?” At first, from her tone, I thought she was turning bitchy on me, but her eyes told a different story, not that that meant I could read them any fucking better than before. I nodded and swallowed down my craving for another cigarette. The high from my last fix was beginning to wear off, and I really didn’t want to interrupt her to go and remedy that in the damn bathroom.

“You need a cigarette, don’t you?” she questioned. I jerked my eyes to hers in shock. That shit was fucking creepy.

“How the fuck did you pick up on that?”

“Eddie, you’ve been eyeballing the pack on the bar for the past few minutes. Just go ahead and light up. I’ll go grab something to ash in, okay?”

“You sure you’re cool with me smoking in the house, Doll? I can wait; it’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s okay for tonight and every once in a while, but once I get furniture and all that shit set up, then I’ll be a bit more picky about it.”

After bringing me a red Solo cup full of water, Bella helped herself to a cig and also lit up.

“So, how did you go from daddy’s little girl to an addict?” I questioned, watching as she inhaled and looked down to her hand which was gripping her drink.

“Jacob liked to throw parties, and when he did, there were—as you can probably guess—tons of drugs and users. I never did care for going to the parties and most times, I preferred to just stay up in our bedroom. I’d moved in with him by this point, kind of forgot to mention that. Anyway, one night, I had come down to get a drink out of the kitchen and he caught me. His henchmen—or goons, that’s what I call them—flanked both sides of him. He cornered me and held up the syringe, telling me to take a hit. I kept telling him no, but to Jake, no always meant yes. He kept going on and on about how one hit wasn’t going to do anything but make me feel good , and while I wanted to believe him, I knew he was blowing smoke out his ass. I’d seen what drugs did to people, and I didn’t like it. But I was also young, naïve, and in love, and the thought of Jacob breaking up with me or actually harming me scared me bad enough to where I just said ‘fuck it’ and tried it.”

“Fuck, that’s all it took, wasn’t it?”

“All the anger, the pain, everything that had disappointed or hurt me in my lifetime just disappeared. I was free. Before I fucking knew it, I was needing a fix every thirty minutes. The more addicted I became, the more I pulled away from Charlie, and the more shit I got into. Eddie, there’s shit that I’ve done that I’ll never fucking forgive myself for. And a lot of it, if ever traced back to me, could end Charlie’s career. Jake, because I was the police chief’s daughter, he had me breaking into the evidence room when his supply would get low. I was putting Charlie’s job at risk every day for a fucking year and a half.”

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Her fucking chin was beginning to quiver. If she started to cry, before I would be of any use to her as comfort, I would have to excuse myself to the damn bathroom and have a fix because with my nerves already shot, there was no way in hell I could handle that shit.

“How did Charlie react to that when you told him?”

Her eyes grew wide as she actually glared at me. “I haven’t fucking told him. I don’t know how, and I fear that even with all we’ve been through, that would be something he sees as unforgivable.”

“So you’re in the same predicament as me? He’s turned his back on you?”

“Never,” she growled. She actually fucking growled at me. “I remember the exact moment my feelings for Jake changed. It completely shifted my self-worth and image, and it really fucked me up, but I was in so deep with the shit we were involved in that I didn’t see any fucking way out. Until a new rival came to town. Little by little, this guy was taking over Jake’s territory without him even realizing it. Jake fell for a ploy set up by his own men to work out a deal with this guy. Laurent was set to buy ten pounds of…”

“Laurent?” I reiterated. If this was the same fucking guy I was thinking of….no. It fucking couldn’t be. “Laurent Plaxton?”

Bella’s eyes narrowed and her entire facial expression changed. It told me all I needed to know without her even uttering a fucking word more. 

“How the hell do you know that name?” she asked, her voice dropping dangerously low.

“Finish your fucking story and then I’ll tell you what I know,” I replied. There was no way I was offering up anything until I knew exactly what she was involved in when it came to Plaxton.

“Jake should have known better than to let his guys set the deal up, but he did it anyway. Instead of meeting in his warehouse like he normally did, the deal was conducted out on the boardwalk. Little did we know, while he was in talks with Laurent, the guys had allowed Laurent’s men into the warehouse. When Jake returned, his was shot to death. I wasn’t actually there, but when Jake’s father, Billy, came over to Charlie’s the next day, he basically filled us in on everything he’d learned from Jake’s guys. They made it all out to look like some kind of ambush, and Billy fucking blamed me for the whole thing. He claimed that I was nothing but trouble and that I was responsible for the shit that Jake had gotten himself into. He blames me for his death and everything. I soon learned that all of Jake’s guys had gone to work for Laurent. I’d never actually met or even seen the guy myself, so we don’t think he knows about me, but at the same time, Jake’s guys did.”

“Bella, you don’t get it. It doesn’t fucking matter whether you’ve met or seen him before. If Jake’s guys knew about you, chances are they’ve told Plaxton. I don’t mean to fucking scare you, but I fucking promise you that he’s looking for you. Being that you were involved with Jake and knew about the deal and everything, that leaves you as a witness and a threat to him. At any given moment, you could turn him in on what you know.”

“Edward, you need to tell me how the fuck you know him.”

“He used to run the drug ring out here, too. Someone bigger came to town and forced him out. All I know is what I’ve heard and believe me, none of it is good. That fucker arranged hits to take care of any and all people that posed a threat to his business. He was ruthless.”

“If he was so ruthless and hardcore, how did a nobody run him off?” she challenged, taking another drink.

“They did their homework and watched him for months. They knew his day-to-day routines, where he lived, his usual buyers…they knew everything and when the perfect moment presented itself, they struck. Little by little, they destroyed the base he had established here. No one knew where he’d disappeared to, but I guess now we know.”

“So you’re basically telling me that I need to watch my back?” she laughed.

“Did any of Jake’s men know where you moved to?”

“Well, Charlie told Billy, and with as much as he hates me, I can fucking guarantee that he told them.”

“I just think you need to be aware of the people around you at all times. If something strikes you as odd, I want you to come to me about it, okay?”

“Edward, you’ve got enough shit on your plate. You don’t need my added baggage,” she scoffed, lighting up another cigarette.

“That’s a hell of a thing for you to say to me. What have you been doing since you’ve been here? You’ve taken on my sorry ass. The only place associating with me is going to bring you is down. Now, I know there’s more to tell so get on with it.”

BPOV

The smirk on his lips both lit a fire in me and pissed me off. “You expect me to let you get away with that shit? You aren’t a sorry ass. Right now, you’re just Edward, the man that doesn’t bathe and has a hole in his foot.”

“You are such a bi…” he started with a laugh until I narrowed my eyes at him. I supposed that he was recalling what happened the last time he’d called me a bitch. 

“Go on, say it. I’m such a what? A bitch?”

“An annoying little brat,” he gritted out, running a hand through his hair and looking away as he put his cigarette out in the cup.

“Ooo, big word there. I’m hurt.”

“Shut the fuck up and finish what you were saying, Swan.”

I knew what I’d told him so far was getting to him. I could see it written all over his face. He was trying to seem like he didn’t care and wasn’t affected so far, but I knew better. And the shit with Laurent Plaxton, talk about a complete mindfuck. How did shit like that even happen? What were the chances that I’d leave Louisiana and move to Seattle to start over, only to fucking find out that a friend from my childhood actually knew of the prick I was trying to get away from?

“After everything with Jake, and Billy went off on me, I went into hiding. Charlie put me up in a safe house as he knew about Laurent and had been after him for months. To this day, he still doesn’t know the full extent to which I was involved with Jake’s dealings, but he knew that there was a chance Laurent would be coming after me. Nightmares weren’t allowing me much sleep, and when I was awake, I was plagued with grief over Jake’s death. Granted, I hated him and was no longer in love with him, but it still hurt and saddened me all the same. I would get to thinking and all of the good memories would overwhelm me. It got to be so painful that I began having anxiety attacks and shit. Without having my connection to Jake, and with all the dealers I knew now working for Laurent, I was forced into withdrawals. Eventually, Charlie picked up on that fact and more or less pushed me into going to a rehabilitation facility. I fought him for a while, but in the end, I realized that I didn’t want to continue living that way anymore. I was in the worst physical health I’d ever been in. I was half the size I am now due to the drugs, and I just wanted to get back to being me. I wanted a normal fucking life. Though that was easier said than done. I’d already fucked all of my dreams up with the times I’d been charged with being in possession.”

“You actually went to prison?” he asked, his jaw dropping comically.

“Fuck no. Charlie always found a way around it. I swear, without him, I’d be dead today. I never would have made it through the withdrawals alone. I’d have taken my own life before I could get fully sober. He refused to give up on me and was there every step of the way in helping me piece my life back together. The rehab wasn’t a walk in the fucking park, that’s for damn sure, but it’s what got me to where I am today. I don’t trust anyone outside of myself and Charlie because I’ve been burned so many fucking times. There’s shit that I went through that I haven’t even fucking told you, Eddie. I see what I went through and how having the support of Charlie kept me alive, and then I look at your family and…it’s not fucking right, okay? I don’t want to make anything harder for you, Edward, I really don’t. But I’m going to try my damnedest to get through to them and try to make things better for you. Regardless of what you’ve done or what they think you’ve done, they never should have shunned you the way they have.”

The look in his eyes as I spoke broke my fucking heart. I could literally see the pain in his eyes. The devastation left by his parents and siblings. They had failed him, not the other way around. 

“I understand what you’re trying to do and what you’re saying, Doll, but it’s pointless. There’s nothing you can say to them that will change things. They’ve gave up a long ass time ago, and I’m fucking through trying to fix it, so please, stop. I’m saying this the nicest way I possibly fucking can, okay? Let it go. It’s only going to make things worse, and I can’t deal with any more. I honestly don’t mean to come off as a complete dick in saying this, so don’t take it that way, but things were as good as they were going to get before you showed up here. I’d accepted that they didn’t want me around and that I wasn’t a part of the family anymore. In the past two days, more shit has been stirred up and it’s like I’m going through hell all over again.”

“Then why do you still go for dinner on Sundays?” I questioned as he shook his head and stood from the barstool. He began to pace around the empty space of the kitchen, mumbling incoherently to himself.

“Because, I made a promise to my mother back when I left for college that I would always make it home for Sunday dinner, and so far, I’ve kept my fucking promise.”

I could tell that we needed to end this conversation and change to a new topic really quick because he was beginning to feel cornered and his need for a fix was quickly escalating. I stood and cut him off near the fridge.

“I’ve only got one more thing to say to you, and then we can shoot the shit about something else, okay?”

He didn’t nod or anything. He simply stared down at me completely lost, his eyes hiding nothing about the pain he was feeling in his heart. I wished like hell I could get him to open up to me and let it all out, but he struggled with the same issues I did. The only reason I even fucking told him was because I thought it might help him, that it might give him reason to fight back against his family, but instead, it had only hurt him further.

“I may not be your blood, but I’m here. Anything you need, I’ll be here. I won’t turn my back; that I can promise you. I just thought you should know. You aren’t alone.”

I reached out and took his hand. Edward’s eyes shifted down at our hands for just a moment before looking back at me, torture reflected in his eyes.

“Don’t say something you can’t take back, Doll. You don’t want to have my shit to worry about. I’ve hurt enough people already without even fucking meaning to. And you’ve been put through enough.”

“You don’t trust me; I can see that plain as day, but hopefully, with time I can change your mind on that. As for me going back on my word, that won’t fucking happen, Edward Cullen.” I dropped his hand, fire in my eyes, as I then straightened my posture and glared at him.

“You do realize that in a matter of a day and a half, you’ve managed to manipulate me into hugging you twice. I’m not falling for that shit a third time.”

“I have done no such thing. You’re just a pussy. It would be a hell of a lot easier if you’d just admit that to yourself. Now, enough of this sappy, spill my guts shit. I need a fucking drink, and I’m talking something a hell of a lot stronger than Crown and coke. You game?”

Edward arched his brows at me and then swiftly moved to the bar. “You’re amazing. How the fuck do you go from offering comfort and being all sweet and shit, to insulting me minutes later? Then seconds after that you turn around and get all fucking giddy about sharing a drink!”

“You know you like it, so stop your bitching.”

I walked past him on my way to use the bathroom when he took me by surprise, wrapped his arm around my neck and pulled me into his side. I twisted my head up to smirk at him, eliciting a deep bellied laugh from him. “For the record, I’m not admitting shit.”

I really, really hoped that in time, he’d take what I had told him and realize that there was hope for him, and dare I say, even his family but I was no fool. There was a long fucking road ahead , and given what all had happened in the span of one day, even I was beginning to lose faith that the Cullen’s would ever see the error of their ways. It was a far-fetched thought, but maybe…just maybe if I got Charlie down here, he could talk some fucking sense into Carlisle.


End file.
